**We've moved!!**
Please visit our new site, ModernAlternativeMama.com.
Comments on this post have been locked and updates are no longer being made to this page. Please click here to view this article on the new site.
Today is the LAST DAY to register for the 30-Day Eat More Fat Challenge! See you tomorrow!
We have BIG news to share with you all today! Some bigger than others. :)
A month or so ago, I joined CAPPA, and I am now pursuing certification in Childbirth Education and Lactation Specialist. I've been very busy working on research, writing papers, reading books, and doing other things towards these certifications, among other projects. We've also converted our music room into a playroom/meeting room for when I am certified and can hold classes here. I'll be posting about that and showing you pictures of that room in a later post!
Tomorrow is our NEW SITE LAUNCH!! The address is http://www.modernalternativemama.com/ and it is currently live, if you're too eager to wait until tomorrow to check it out. If you've subscribed to me here, I believe you will need to go over there and re-subscribe. I would love it if you did! Comments will be locked over here starting with this post, so you'll need to hop over to the new site anyway if you want to comment. All future posts will be posted ONLY on the new site!
And, to help you along with visiting the new site, I will have a WEEK OF GIVEAWAYS!! Every single day (Monday - Friday) there will be a new giveaway! Here is a sneak peek about the posts I'll have and the giveaways:
Monday -- 30-Day Eat More Fat Challenge! Giveaway: Baby toys (a talented friend is making them, more details to follow)
Tuesday -- Baby Steps in the Medicine Cabinet. Giveaway: Modern Alternative Mama Soothing Skin Cream.
Wednesday -- Review of Seventh Generation household products. Giveaway: Seventh Generation Home Starter Kit, including glass cleaner, all-purpose cleaner, toilet cleaner, shower cleaner, tub & tile cleaner, kitchen cleaner, natural paper towels, and reusable tote.
Thursday -- Orange sherbet recipe (sugar free!!). Giveaway: Coconut flour from Tropical Traditions!
Friday -- Top 10 Posts and new features! Giveaway: Tweedlebugs Diaper, cloth wipes, and wipe solution package!
Join us next week to read all the awesome new entries and enter all the giveaways!
A small family update -- we are about to start the GAPS diet here. We've been easing our way into it for awhile but we have to just take the plunge. I'll be posting on it more later for those who are interested, but there's plenty of information on other blogs right now. Keeper of the Home, and Kelly the Kitchen Kop have both posted a fair amount about the subject. Look for more on that on the new site!
Like what you read? Subscribe over on the right and get posts everyday in your email!
Showing posts with label child-rearing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label child-rearing. Show all posts
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
Things I've Learned About Allergies
**We've moved!!**
Please visit our new site, ModernAlternativeMama.com.
Comments on this post have been locked and updates are no longer being made to this page. Please click here to view this article on the new site.
Don't forget to register for the 30-Day Eat More Fat challenge!
Many times as we've gone through dealing with my childrens' allergies, I've felt it was terribly unfair that my children were always reacting and I had to be hypervigilant about everything they ate and on the lookout for any tiny sign of reaction, when so many other peoples' kids were completely fine! And many of them didn't try nearly as hard for the natural, organic lifestyle! Where was the justice?
These are my thoughts in my dark hours, of course. Most of the time I'm just happy that I'm paying attention and that I'm helping them feel better and hopefully heal from their allergies. Then there are those times that I've heard other parents make comments that sounded strange to me...and I began to wonder, are there children experiencing minor food sensitivity symptoms, but they don't realize it? I've gone back and forth, wondering what might be "weird" but normal, and what might really be a sign of sensitivity. But after talking with other moms of 'allergy' children, I've come up with a list of things I've learned by dealing with kids with allergies (I could be wrong, but this is what I believe to be true, and our pediatrician has discussed some of these points with us):
1) Eczema is a sign of allergies.
Yes, always. It could be food, laundry detergents, local pollution, who knows. But it is allergies, not just something children get. All the allergic children I know (including mine) will flare up with eczema badly if they are exposed to an allergen; but when they're not, their skin is perfectly clear! No creams touch it as long as they are still exposed to the allergen. A LOT of kids have eczema...and also, food sensitivities their parents haven't realized.
2) Cradle cap is a sign of allergies.
This is common in young babies, but any that persists for more than a few days or gets bad is actually a sign of some kind of allergy (usually milk, since it shows up so early). My daughter had this horribly (as did a lot of other allergy babies). My son, since we discovered his allergies almost immediately and cut the offending foods, never did.
3) Reflux is a sign of allergies.
So many moms say "my baby has reflux!! I hope they outgrow it! At least it's not allergies!" Sorry to let you know, but in almost all cases, it IS allergies. Many of these moms learn when their babies are older that they DO have an allergy to something. It really just is a sign that the baby has an allergy, generally, again, usually to milk. Especially if it's accompanied by screaming or projectile vomitting.
4) Sleep disturbances are a sign of allergies.
While sleep disturbances can happen for MANY reasons (growth spurts, teething, routine disruptions, etc.), continued night waking with no obvious cause, especially after a year old, are often a sign of allergies. Bekah continued to wake up several times a night well past a year (as have many other allergy kids) and STILL wakes up at night, at age 2, if she eats something that isn't good for her. If sleep disturbance is persistent and combined with other symptoms, consider allergies.
5) Diarrhea and/or constipation are a sign of allergies.
If a baby's system isn't ready for a food, or s/he is allergic to it, diarrhea or constipation can result. It's not normal for any food to just "cause diarrhea." That only happens if the body is not digesting it properly. This is related to the next sign, so I'll discuss it further in a second....
6) Undigested food in the poop is a sign of allergies.
If the body is handling a food properly, there should be no trace of it when it comes out the other end. It's a myth that certain foods -- grapes, corn, beans, cranberries, etc. -- just cause "nasty poop." No. That is not normal. That is a sign of allergy to that food! I have heard over and over that grapes cause nasty poop, but when Bekah eats a ton of grapes (and she is allergic to SO MANY foods), there are no issues. We only get the "nasty poop" when the food is clearly not good for her! I've talked to a lot of other moms of allergic kids who have said the same thing.
7) Persistent diaper rash is a sign of allergies.
If your child eats something, has nasty poop, and then gets a diaper rash, that is a sign of allergies too. Yes, kids can get diaper rash for a bunch of reasons, but if it happens frequently and is hard to get rid of, consider allergies. It may be an allergy to the brand of diapers or detergents. Or, it may be food.
8) Stomachaches, fussiness, gas, etc. can be a sign of allergies
This can also be a sign of illness, of course, but if it happens after eating particular foods, consider allergies. Eating a food that causes an allergic reaction will likely upset the child's stomach and make him/her not feel well and be irritable. Some will even scream.
None of these symptoms are those of "true" allergies (i.e. the life-threatening, not-breathing kind) but they are signs of serious food sensitivities. And they should be taken seriously. These symptoms can be minor and, if you're not paying attention, seem like nothing. After all, every baby has a fussy day, or a little eczema, or nasty poops every now and then, right? Well...yes, but there's ALWAYS a reason for those things! And food sensitivities are often to blame.
If you notice a pattern of some of these symptoms, no matter how minor, I suggest that you keep a food journal. Write down what your child eats and when, and any symptoms you note and how long after eating the offending food that they occur. Take this to your child's doctor and ask him or her about possible food sensitivities. Try an elimination diet to see if s/he does better without the foods (my guess would be yes!).
It seems like nit-picking, but these small sensitivities are affecting your child's gut health and immune system. Avoiding the foods causing the problems is very important, even if the diet changes are difficult. Believe me -- I know it's hard. But we've been much better off since we've made the changes. Our children sleep better, are happier, and clearly feel better. And we do too.
Have you noticed any symptoms in your children? If you know you have allergic children, what do you think about this list?
Like what you read? Subscribe over on the right and get posts everyday in your email!
Please visit our new site, ModernAlternativeMama.com.
Comments on this post have been locked and updates are no longer being made to this page. Please click here to view this article on the new site.
Don't forget to register for the 30-Day Eat More Fat challenge!
Many times as we've gone through dealing with my childrens' allergies, I've felt it was terribly unfair that my children were always reacting and I had to be hypervigilant about everything they ate and on the lookout for any tiny sign of reaction, when so many other peoples' kids were completely fine! And many of them didn't try nearly as hard for the natural, organic lifestyle! Where was the justice?
These are my thoughts in my dark hours, of course. Most of the time I'm just happy that I'm paying attention and that I'm helping them feel better and hopefully heal from their allergies. Then there are those times that I've heard other parents make comments that sounded strange to me...and I began to wonder, are there children experiencing minor food sensitivity symptoms, but they don't realize it? I've gone back and forth, wondering what might be "weird" but normal, and what might really be a sign of sensitivity. But after talking with other moms of 'allergy' children, I've come up with a list of things I've learned by dealing with kids with allergies (I could be wrong, but this is what I believe to be true, and our pediatrician has discussed some of these points with us):
1) Eczema is a sign of allergies.
Yes, always. It could be food, laundry detergents, local pollution, who knows. But it is allergies, not just something children get. All the allergic children I know (including mine) will flare up with eczema badly if they are exposed to an allergen; but when they're not, their skin is perfectly clear! No creams touch it as long as they are still exposed to the allergen. A LOT of kids have eczema...and also, food sensitivities their parents haven't realized.
2) Cradle cap is a sign of allergies.
This is common in young babies, but any that persists for more than a few days or gets bad is actually a sign of some kind of allergy (usually milk, since it shows up so early). My daughter had this horribly (as did a lot of other allergy babies). My son, since we discovered his allergies almost immediately and cut the offending foods, never did.
3) Reflux is a sign of allergies.
So many moms say "my baby has reflux!! I hope they outgrow it! At least it's not allergies!" Sorry to let you know, but in almost all cases, it IS allergies. Many of these moms learn when their babies are older that they DO have an allergy to something. It really just is a sign that the baby has an allergy, generally, again, usually to milk. Especially if it's accompanied by screaming or projectile vomitting.
4) Sleep disturbances are a sign of allergies.
While sleep disturbances can happen for MANY reasons (growth spurts, teething, routine disruptions, etc.), continued night waking with no obvious cause, especially after a year old, are often a sign of allergies. Bekah continued to wake up several times a night well past a year (as have many other allergy kids) and STILL wakes up at night, at age 2, if she eats something that isn't good for her. If sleep disturbance is persistent and combined with other symptoms, consider allergies.
5) Diarrhea and/or constipation are a sign of allergies.
If a baby's system isn't ready for a food, or s/he is allergic to it, diarrhea or constipation can result. It's not normal for any food to just "cause diarrhea." That only happens if the body is not digesting it properly. This is related to the next sign, so I'll discuss it further in a second....
6) Undigested food in the poop is a sign of allergies.
If the body is handling a food properly, there should be no trace of it when it comes out the other end. It's a myth that certain foods -- grapes, corn, beans, cranberries, etc. -- just cause "nasty poop." No. That is not normal. That is a sign of allergy to that food! I have heard over and over that grapes cause nasty poop, but when Bekah eats a ton of grapes (and she is allergic to SO MANY foods), there are no issues. We only get the "nasty poop" when the food is clearly not good for her! I've talked to a lot of other moms of allergic kids who have said the same thing.
7) Persistent diaper rash is a sign of allergies.
If your child eats something, has nasty poop, and then gets a diaper rash, that is a sign of allergies too. Yes, kids can get diaper rash for a bunch of reasons, but if it happens frequently and is hard to get rid of, consider allergies. It may be an allergy to the brand of diapers or detergents. Or, it may be food.
8) Stomachaches, fussiness, gas, etc. can be a sign of allergies
This can also be a sign of illness, of course, but if it happens after eating particular foods, consider allergies. Eating a food that causes an allergic reaction will likely upset the child's stomach and make him/her not feel well and be irritable. Some will even scream.
None of these symptoms are those of "true" allergies (i.e. the life-threatening, not-breathing kind) but they are signs of serious food sensitivities. And they should be taken seriously. These symptoms can be minor and, if you're not paying attention, seem like nothing. After all, every baby has a fussy day, or a little eczema, or nasty poops every now and then, right? Well...yes, but there's ALWAYS a reason for those things! And food sensitivities are often to blame.
If you notice a pattern of some of these symptoms, no matter how minor, I suggest that you keep a food journal. Write down what your child eats and when, and any symptoms you note and how long after eating the offending food that they occur. Take this to your child's doctor and ask him or her about possible food sensitivities. Try an elimination diet to see if s/he does better without the foods (my guess would be yes!).
It seems like nit-picking, but these small sensitivities are affecting your child's gut health and immune system. Avoiding the foods causing the problems is very important, even if the diet changes are difficult. Believe me -- I know it's hard. But we've been much better off since we've made the changes. Our children sleep better, are happier, and clearly feel better. And we do too.
Have you noticed any symptoms in your children? If you know you have allergic children, what do you think about this list?
Like what you read? Subscribe over on the right and get posts everyday in your email!
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Wooden Toys...GIVEAWAY!
**We've moved!!**
Please visit our new site, ModernAlternativeMama.com.
Comments on this post have been locked and updates are no longer being made to this page. Please click here to view this article on the new site.
Today, we have an awesome giveaway! It's sponsored by CSN Stores. They have a number of great websites, like their Mailboxes site. However, today's giveaway is from CSNBaby and is a prize package of wooden toys! Here they are:
If you would like to win, there will be ways to enter at the end of the post. But first, why wooden toys?
These days, when plastic toys (complete with batteries, music, and flashing lights) are the most common playthings, wooden toys have taken a back seat. But wooden toys used to be the only type of toys children had. With all the new options (which, with their bright colors, look so appealing in the store and on TV), why would we want to go back to wood?
Wooden toys have MANY great benefits.
They are SAFE.
With many plastic toys coming out of China and new scares everyday about BPA and other chemicals being found in toys, or lead being found in paint or dyes, it's hard to know what is really safe to play with. American (or Canadian or European) made wooden toys are safe, and are generally not painted, or are painted with lead-free paint. Buying from small, local manufacturers supports small business and ensures you know exactly what is in the toys you're buying.
They LAST.
So many plastic toys are flimsy. Throw them down the stairs once or step on them (as children do from time to time) and they're broken and have to be thrown out. Wooden toys are very durable and will last through being mistreated. They can be passed down from child to child and even down generations. They'll still look just as nice as they ever did, requiring little more than a fresh coat of paint, if that.
They foster CREATIVITY.
Many of the plastic toys have one function. There are a thousand plastic dolls out there: some eat, some wet, some are "sick," some are for dress-up, etc. There are toys that play a song if a button is pressed. But once this function has been thoroughly investigated, the toy is useless and typically tossed aside. Wooden toys, however, don't have just one use. In fact, they don't "do" anything. They require children to play their own games and use their imagination to play. A single doll can be any number of different things! A kitchen set or a rocking horse can be many different things, too. A rocking horse could be "just a horse," or it could be a cowboy's trusty mate, a police officer's way to get around, or not a horse at all -- perhaps a zebra or something foreign! Children today need a chance to have their imagination stimulated.
They help ATTENTION SPAN.
When a toy fosters creativity, children play with it longer. They rehearse their lives and come up with elaborate games to play with the toys. Children who are constantly surrounded by beeping, flashing, single-function toys will go rapidly from toy to toy as they become bored. If this is constant their attention spans will be short because they are used to getting bored with things quickly. (TV has also been blamed for causing this.)
There are other great articles about wooden toys:
Benefits of Wooden Toys
Safe and Natural Wooden Toys
Now, how can you enter to win the wooden toys above?
1. Leave a comment below (with your name, not anonymous) about why you would like to win the toys and/or why you think wooden toys are good
2. Visit CSN Baby and tell me what other wooden toys you think your family would enjoy (future giveaway...?)
3. Subscribe to me via RSS or email (or tell me that you already do).
4. Follow me on Twitter.
5. Tweet about this giveaway.
6. Email this giveaway to 5 friends, or post about it on Facebook.
Please leave each entry in a SEPARATE comment. So if you do 1, 2, and 4, you must three different comments! I will use Random.org to generate a number and then whichever comment that is (numbered from first received to last) will be the winner! There are 6 possible entries!
The giveaway closes at 12 AM EST on Tuesday, February 23rd. I will announce the winner at 8 PM Wednesday, February 24th. The winner needs to contact me via email by Friday, February 26th with his/her full name and mailing address to claim the prize.
Thanks, and good luck!!
Like what you read? Subscribe over on the right and get posts everyday in your email!
Please visit our new site, ModernAlternativeMama.com.
Comments on this post have been locked and updates are no longer being made to this page. Please click here to view this article on the new site.
Today, we have an awesome giveaway! It's sponsored by CSN Stores. They have a number of great websites, like their Mailboxes site. However, today's giveaway is from CSNBaby and is a prize package of wooden toys! Here they are:
If you would like to win, there will be ways to enter at the end of the post. But first, why wooden toys?
These days, when plastic toys (complete with batteries, music, and flashing lights) are the most common playthings, wooden toys have taken a back seat. But wooden toys used to be the only type of toys children had. With all the new options (which, with their bright colors, look so appealing in the store and on TV), why would we want to go back to wood?
Wooden toys have MANY great benefits.
They are SAFE.
With many plastic toys coming out of China and new scares everyday about BPA and other chemicals being found in toys, or lead being found in paint or dyes, it's hard to know what is really safe to play with. American (or Canadian or European) made wooden toys are safe, and are generally not painted, or are painted with lead-free paint. Buying from small, local manufacturers supports small business and ensures you know exactly what is in the toys you're buying.
They LAST.
So many plastic toys are flimsy. Throw them down the stairs once or step on them (as children do from time to time) and they're broken and have to be thrown out. Wooden toys are very durable and will last through being mistreated. They can be passed down from child to child and even down generations. They'll still look just as nice as they ever did, requiring little more than a fresh coat of paint, if that.
They foster CREATIVITY.
Many of the plastic toys have one function. There are a thousand plastic dolls out there: some eat, some wet, some are "sick," some are for dress-up, etc. There are toys that play a song if a button is pressed. But once this function has been thoroughly investigated, the toy is useless and typically tossed aside. Wooden toys, however, don't have just one use. In fact, they don't "do" anything. They require children to play their own games and use their imagination to play. A single doll can be any number of different things! A kitchen set or a rocking horse can be many different things, too. A rocking horse could be "just a horse," or it could be a cowboy's trusty mate, a police officer's way to get around, or not a horse at all -- perhaps a zebra or something foreign! Children today need a chance to have their imagination stimulated.
They help ATTENTION SPAN.
When a toy fosters creativity, children play with it longer. They rehearse their lives and come up with elaborate games to play with the toys. Children who are constantly surrounded by beeping, flashing, single-function toys will go rapidly from toy to toy as they become bored. If this is constant their attention spans will be short because they are used to getting bored with things quickly. (TV has also been blamed for causing this.)
There are other great articles about wooden toys:
Benefits of Wooden Toys
Safe and Natural Wooden Toys
Now, how can you enter to win the wooden toys above?
1. Leave a comment below (with your name, not anonymous) about why you would like to win the toys and/or why you think wooden toys are good
2. Visit CSN Baby and tell me what other wooden toys you think your family would enjoy (future giveaway...?)
3. Subscribe to me via RSS or email (or tell me that you already do).
4. Follow me on Twitter.
5. Tweet about this giveaway.
6. Email this giveaway to 5 friends, or post about it on Facebook.
Please leave each entry in a SEPARATE comment. So if you do 1, 2, and 4, you must three different comments! I will use Random.org to generate a number and then whichever comment that is (numbered from first received to last) will be the winner! There are 6 possible entries!
The giveaway closes at 12 AM EST on Tuesday, February 23rd. I will announce the winner at 8 PM Wednesday, February 24th. The winner needs to contact me via email by Friday, February 26th with his/her full name and mailing address to claim the prize.
Thanks, and good luck!!
Like what you read? Subscribe over on the right and get posts everyday in your email!
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Pacifier Use
**We've moved!!**
Please visit our new site, ModernAlternativeMama.com.
Comments on this post have been locked and updates are no longer being made to this page. Please click here to view this article on the new site.
I know using pacifiers has been hotly debated. I've debated plenty with myself. But, with the recent experience we had, I felt I should weigh in.
On another blog I recently read, someone said "If you have only one kid and that kid slept well since birth, I don't want your advice [on how to get kids to sleep]." Well, I sure don't fall into that category, since I have two kids -- one who started (usually) sleeping through the night at 22 months and one who, at 5.5 months, still wakes up 6 - 8 times per night! Which, I recently realized, I actually trained him to do....
Enter the pacifier debate.
My first took a pacifier for only about 2 months. She took it while I was pumping and bottle feeding the first 6 weeks, but once I got her directly on the breast, she really didn't want much to do with it, so we just kind of took it away. This didn't stop her from having "trouble" sleeping (though what was 'trouble' to me then, how I'd wish for it now!! She woke usually once per night until 8 months, when allergies started to become an issue -- another story for another time -- but I was under the impression then that babies over 2 months old slept 8 straight hours...hahahahaha).
Now, Daniel...I didn't want to give him a pacifier. Really. But when he was only a couple days old, Ben got up and took him after his last "night" feed (7 am or so) and then let me sleep in and recover. When Daniel woke up and cried, Ben gave him a pacifier instead of bringing him to me to feed. This never caused nipple confusion or anything like that, so I let it go on. Then it became...we used the pacifier to help him fall asleep at night (because, after all, once he was *mostly* asleep he'd spit it out and sleep the rest of the night fine without it). Then we used it to keep him quiet for just a minute while Bekah was whining, dinner was burning, and I was trying to fold laundry all at once. Then in the car when we couldn't get to him right away. Then any time we wanted him to go to sleep or be quiet, assuming he was fed, changed, etc. It wasn't -- usually -- my automatic reaction to just stick a pacifier in his mouth, unless I was only a minute from finishing up a chore and he was ready to eat too soon.
But, despite my desire not to use a pacifier, we started to use it too much. And then, worse, we started to actually train him to wake up and require a pacifier to get back to sleep. I didn't realize this until today, exactly how it had happened, but now I see it. (We've already taken the pacifier away, the morning of Dec. 29.) I'm going to explain it so you understand my position on pacifier use.
At 3.5 months, Daniel started a huge growth spurt. He was fussy, and he woke every 1.5 - 2 hours wanting to eat. It was a rough week, but I got him and fed him every time. Once he settled -- precariously -- into a new nightly schedule (eating at 11, 2, 5, and sleeping with me starting at 6 until we got up), I occasionally gave him a pacifier to help him settle after eating if he was acting fussy. This continued for weeks. Months, now. Then, by 5 months, I was starting to get VERY impatient with the waking-every-hour act, so I started giving him his pacifier if it hadn't been at least 2 hours, sometimes 3, since his last feeding. I was also giving him a pacifier during the day if it hadn't been at least 2 hours since his last feeding (I never let him go more than 2 hours if he was fussy). Most of the time, this bought me an extra 30 - 40 minutes before he'd need to eat. This seemed like a good deal -- for awhile.
Then, in the last week (of December), Daniel has woken every 30 - 40 minutes almost all night. He always wants the pacifier and has an impossible time settling back to sleep without it. Sometimes I even try to feed him and he gets mad...because he isn't hungry, he only wants the pacifier. By giving it to him when he was hungry before, it taught him he could -- and should -- suck to fall asleep, and that he needed his pacifier. So every time his sleep lightened, or he was uncomfortable, he'd want his pacifier back. This meant sometimes I was looking at the clock at 12, 1, 2, 3...and wondering if I'd actually gotten any sleep or if I'd just imagined it. We even tried putting him in his own room, hoping that without our sleep noises, he'd sleep better. Nope -- same schedule. Each night he was back in my room, either in his bassinet or my bed by 2 or 3 am, when I got tired of running up and down the hall (average: 5 trips to his room before I brought him into mine).
It had to stop. I got so sleep deprived, it was ridiculous. But I realized I really did teach him to
wake at night. I used the pacifier as a soother, to make him sleep longer, so he began to associate it with falling asleep. I had used it during the day or night during growth spurts, when he really did need a little snack or "top off" just 30 minutes after his last meal. So, he wasn't getting quite enough to eat during the day sometimes (despite feeding mainly demand) and he was making up for it at night...then getting into the habit of needing the pacifier to settle back to sleep. Vicious cycle.
So we went cold turkey on the pacifier. No more. On the first day, we put him down for a nap with a crib toy he can turn on and off himself (i.e. he doesn't require my help at night to soothe) and he fell asleep! No fussing! (We've been reading the "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley, and are using ideas from it, plus doing some things of our own.) Later that day he got so tired before his next nap that Ben gave him the pacifier to help him settle (even cuddled in my arms, at my breast, he just screamed and thrashed). Oh well. After that, he fell asleep twice in the car without a pacifier. Then, our biggest success, after he'd nursed before bedtime, he fell asleep in my arms. Typically he'd continue to root at me or fuss and squirm until he was given a pacifier. This time he looked around; at the TV, then at me; then he tried to suck his fingers and the blanket, and eventually just relaxed himself and gently drifted off. This was REALLY great.
After that, well...he did spend about half the night sleeping with me. But it was really hot in my room and once I realized how much and made him cooler he slept better on his own. The next day I fed him more often, and gently rocked him for five minutes or so before laying him down (awake) for a nap. He simply sucked on his hands or arm (gave himself a hickey, lol) and played with his crib toy before falling quietly asleep.
I have hope that we will break this sucking-to-sleep problem and that within a couple of weeks, he'll be sleeping quietly in 4-hour stretches (and later, longer, but hey, 4 straight hours would be FABULOUS right now!) in his own room and he won't need settled in between. I think he'll also be able to go down for naps quietly and easily, just the way he did today. I also feel much more in tune with him and his needs now that I don't have a pacifier to use -- even as a last resort.
Side note on sleeping: It really IS possible to re-train your baby to sleep well without ANY crying. You don't have to "Ferberize" the baby or use any form of cry-it-out, modified or otherwise. I realized that by trying to be super-responsive to Daniel's needs, I had trained him to wake too often. I also realized that I could gently undo it without leaving him to cry. I was so torn for so long because I really WANTED to respond to his every need, but I also needed more sleep! This gentle, absolutely no-cry sleep solution (you can find much more in Pantley's book) really works and works with the baby's needs, not against them for the parents' convenience.
So, my opinion on pacifiers? If you can possibly avoid it, just don't use them. There will be kids that do just fine with them and sleep through the night and don't care if they drop them. There will be kids who scream and scream unless they're given one, especially kids suffering from colic (if that's your baby...investigate food allergies as a possible cause, otherwise, I am very sorry). And I know what all the research says..."it helps prevent SIDS"..."it causes kids to need braces"...etc. I don't need to summarize that for you here.
I think that using pacifiers, no matter how well you intend to use them (as I did), it's easy to fall into "just take this for one minute while I finish this..." or "I know you're tired, just take it and go to sleep" etc. If you must use them, take them away by 3 months or your baby will get used to it. I think you will find yourself a better and more responsive parent if you don't use the pacifier and have to find alternate, more hands-on ways to soothe your baby.
This is coming from hard-earned experience and many lost nights of sleep. There is no judgment here. Just what I have learned through having two different children and two different experiences.
Do you use pacifiers? Why or why not?
Like what you read? Subscribe over on the right and get posts everyday in your email!
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Comments on this post have been locked and updates are no longer being made to this page. Please click here to view this article on the new site.
I know using pacifiers has been hotly debated. I've debated plenty with myself. But, with the recent experience we had, I felt I should weigh in.
On another blog I recently read, someone said "If you have only one kid and that kid slept well since birth, I don't want your advice [on how to get kids to sleep]." Well, I sure don't fall into that category, since I have two kids -- one who started (usually) sleeping through the night at 22 months and one who, at 5.5 months, still wakes up 6 - 8 times per night! Which, I recently realized, I actually trained him to do....
Enter the pacifier debate.
My first took a pacifier for only about 2 months. She took it while I was pumping and bottle feeding the first 6 weeks, but once I got her directly on the breast, she really didn't want much to do with it, so we just kind of took it away. This didn't stop her from having "trouble" sleeping (though what was 'trouble' to me then, how I'd wish for it now!! She woke usually once per night until 8 months, when allergies started to become an issue -- another story for another time -- but I was under the impression then that babies over 2 months old slept 8 straight hours...hahahahaha).
Now, Daniel...I didn't want to give him a pacifier. Really. But when he was only a couple days old, Ben got up and took him after his last "night" feed (7 am or so) and then let me sleep in and recover. When Daniel woke up and cried, Ben gave him a pacifier instead of bringing him to me to feed. This never caused nipple confusion or anything like that, so I let it go on. Then it became...we used the pacifier to help him fall asleep at night (because, after all, once he was *mostly* asleep he'd spit it out and sleep the rest of the night fine without it). Then we used it to keep him quiet for just a minute while Bekah was whining, dinner was burning, and I was trying to fold laundry all at once. Then in the car when we couldn't get to him right away. Then any time we wanted him to go to sleep or be quiet, assuming he was fed, changed, etc. It wasn't -- usually -- my automatic reaction to just stick a pacifier in his mouth, unless I was only a minute from finishing up a chore and he was ready to eat too soon.
But, despite my desire not to use a pacifier, we started to use it too much. And then, worse, we started to actually train him to wake up and require a pacifier to get back to sleep. I didn't realize this until today, exactly how it had happened, but now I see it. (We've already taken the pacifier away, the morning of Dec. 29.) I'm going to explain it so you understand my position on pacifier use.
At 3.5 months, Daniel started a huge growth spurt. He was fussy, and he woke every 1.5 - 2 hours wanting to eat. It was a rough week, but I got him and fed him every time. Once he settled -- precariously -- into a new nightly schedule (eating at 11, 2, 5, and sleeping with me starting at 6 until we got up), I occasionally gave him a pacifier to help him settle after eating if he was acting fussy. This continued for weeks. Months, now. Then, by 5 months, I was starting to get VERY impatient with the waking-every-hour act, so I started giving him his pacifier if it hadn't been at least 2 hours, sometimes 3, since his last feeding. I was also giving him a pacifier during the day if it hadn't been at least 2 hours since his last feeding (I never let him go more than 2 hours if he was fussy). Most of the time, this bought me an extra 30 - 40 minutes before he'd need to eat. This seemed like a good deal -- for awhile.
Then, in the last week (of December), Daniel has woken every 30 - 40 minutes almost all night. He always wants the pacifier and has an impossible time settling back to sleep without it. Sometimes I even try to feed him and he gets mad...because he isn't hungry, he only wants the pacifier. By giving it to him when he was hungry before, it taught him he could -- and should -- suck to fall asleep, and that he needed his pacifier. So every time his sleep lightened, or he was uncomfortable, he'd want his pacifier back. This meant sometimes I was looking at the clock at 12, 1, 2, 3...and wondering if I'd actually gotten any sleep or if I'd just imagined it. We even tried putting him in his own room, hoping that without our sleep noises, he'd sleep better. Nope -- same schedule. Each night he was back in my room, either in his bassinet or my bed by 2 or 3 am, when I got tired of running up and down the hall (average: 5 trips to his room before I brought him into mine).
It had to stop. I got so sleep deprived, it was ridiculous. But I realized I really did teach him to
wake at night. I used the pacifier as a soother, to make him sleep longer, so he began to associate it with falling asleep. I had used it during the day or night during growth spurts, when he really did need a little snack or "top off" just 30 minutes after his last meal. So, he wasn't getting quite enough to eat during the day sometimes (despite feeding mainly demand) and he was making up for it at night...then getting into the habit of needing the pacifier to settle back to sleep. Vicious cycle.
So we went cold turkey on the pacifier. No more. On the first day, we put him down for a nap with a crib toy he can turn on and off himself (i.e. he doesn't require my help at night to soothe) and he fell asleep! No fussing! (We've been reading the "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley, and are using ideas from it, plus doing some things of our own.) Later that day he got so tired before his next nap that Ben gave him the pacifier to help him settle (even cuddled in my arms, at my breast, he just screamed and thrashed). Oh well. After that, he fell asleep twice in the car without a pacifier. Then, our biggest success, after he'd nursed before bedtime, he fell asleep in my arms. Typically he'd continue to root at me or fuss and squirm until he was given a pacifier. This time he looked around; at the TV, then at me; then he tried to suck his fingers and the blanket, and eventually just relaxed himself and gently drifted off. This was REALLY great.
After that, well...he did spend about half the night sleeping with me. But it was really hot in my room and once I realized how much and made him cooler he slept better on his own. The next day I fed him more often, and gently rocked him for five minutes or so before laying him down (awake) for a nap. He simply sucked on his hands or arm (gave himself a hickey, lol) and played with his crib toy before falling quietly asleep.
I have hope that we will break this sucking-to-sleep problem and that within a couple of weeks, he'll be sleeping quietly in 4-hour stretches (and later, longer, but hey, 4 straight hours would be FABULOUS right now!) in his own room and he won't need settled in between. I think he'll also be able to go down for naps quietly and easily, just the way he did today. I also feel much more in tune with him and his needs now that I don't have a pacifier to use -- even as a last resort.
Side note on sleeping: It really IS possible to re-train your baby to sleep well without ANY crying. You don't have to "Ferberize" the baby or use any form of cry-it-out, modified or otherwise. I realized that by trying to be super-responsive to Daniel's needs, I had trained him to wake too often. I also realized that I could gently undo it without leaving him to cry. I was so torn for so long because I really WANTED to respond to his every need, but I also needed more sleep! This gentle, absolutely no-cry sleep solution (you can find much more in Pantley's book) really works and works with the baby's needs, not against them for the parents' convenience.
So, my opinion on pacifiers? If you can possibly avoid it, just don't use them. There will be kids that do just fine with them and sleep through the night and don't care if they drop them. There will be kids who scream and scream unless they're given one, especially kids suffering from colic (if that's your baby...investigate food allergies as a possible cause, otherwise, I am very sorry). And I know what all the research says..."it helps prevent SIDS"..."it causes kids to need braces"...etc. I don't need to summarize that for you here.
I think that using pacifiers, no matter how well you intend to use them (as I did), it's easy to fall into "just take this for one minute while I finish this..." or "I know you're tired, just take it and go to sleep" etc. If you must use them, take them away by 3 months or your baby will get used to it. I think you will find yourself a better and more responsive parent if you don't use the pacifier and have to find alternate, more hands-on ways to soothe your baby.
This is coming from hard-earned experience and many lost nights of sleep. There is no judgment here. Just what I have learned through having two different children and two different experiences.
Do you use pacifiers? Why or why not?
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Friday, January 22, 2010
Large Families
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Comments on this post have been locked and updates are no longer being made to this page. Please click here to view this article on the new site.
Please visit our new site, ModernAlternativeMama.com.
Comments on this post have been locked and updates are no longer being made to this page. Please click here to view this article on the new site.
Several weeks ago I was asked for my opinion on large families, since you all know I intend to have one. The recent premature birth of the Duggars' 19th child brought up the questions again. So, I'm finally getting around to answering it! It's been too busy on the blog until now. :)
And please, if you're going to comment on this post, read the WHOLE thing and give it some time to sink in first. I've thought about this subject for a very, very long time. And those of you who are against large families and/or older children taking responsibility for younger children, please know my mother agrees with you and shared this sentiment with me over and over growing up, and I found it unfair at times that a few of my friends with younger siblings were often babysitting. So it has taken me a long, long time to come to the perspective I currently have, after experiencing many different situations and ways of thinking.
I believe that large families are a blessing. They are not for everyone, obviously, but God intends some to have large families. Some have said "but it's not fair to the children." Here is something to think about: everyone has an opinion about their siblings and the families they were raised in. Some wish they had more siblings. Some wish they had less. Some loved it just the way it was. Some didn't like a particular sibling. Some felt closest to a particular sibling, maybe even more than their parents. But you don't choose to have another child because one of your children does (or doesn't) want another. If you weren't planning more and your children BEGGED for a sibling, would you have another? Probably not. It's your body and your adult life, and you wouldn't want to go through the pregnancy and have another child to raise if you didn't feel ready, even if your children wanted another sibling. Likewise, it's not their decision to say you shouldn't have more children. This is YOUR life (most of your life happens as an adult and it's your time to choose how you want to live it!), not theirs. When they are adults, they can choose their own experience. Love it or hate it, they've had the childhood they're going to have. Not to mention that even if you only have two children (or even just one!), you can't always please everyone with everything. So it is most important to please God, and then yourself, NOT your children.
Within a family, I believe that everyone has a special and unique relationship with everyone else. It's not merely about the parents' relationship with each child, but the childrens' relationship with each other. Siblings can, and do, share very special and meaningful relationships with one another. I know that already in our family, the first thing Bekah says when she wakes up in the morning or from nap is "Brother?" She doesn't stop asking until she gets to see him. He smiles at her more readily than anyone else, even when she's just poking at him or getting in his face. They seem to have a special bond. I don't have anything to do with that. If she hears him crying, she goes over and pats him or gives him a pacifier or a toy. She offers him her food or her drink (although he's not allowed to have it). She LOVES him. I hope that they always have a special relationship with each other. I believe this type of relationship between siblings should be fostered because it is the first model for friendship.
Children don't know how to have healthy relationships outside their families if they don't have healthy relationships within them. Having their siblings around helps them to learn to get along with others, and negotiate the sometimes difficult areas like sharing, listening, turn-taking, etc. While these skills can be learned in other ways, they are built in to large families.
ALL members of a family have a responsibility towards all other members. It's not unreasonable to expect a child to take care of things for himself -- putting his clothes in the hamper, making his bed, clearing his dishes from the table. It's also not unreasonable to expect him to help a family member. Perhaps removing a younger child's shoes, reading a story to someone, getting someone a glass of water while he's getting himself one. When our children are little, we are training them. Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." If you wish your child to think of others first, you will need to teach him to do so when he is young. When your child is a young adult and is staying with you, would you be hurt if he went into the kitchen and got himself a snack and didn't offer you any? Or didn't thank you after you made him dinner? He needs to be taught this attitude of helpfulness and gratitude when he is young.
It isn't really a burden for a child to have to spend a short amount of time helping a younger sibling each day. A half hour or an hour of being a child's "buddy" is not a huge chunk out of the older sibling's day (not saying I would choose this system, just saying it isn't as horrible as some have made it out to be). It can also help to foster that special relationship between those two siblings. They may truly enjoy studying together, or practicing their musical instruments together. And I certainly hope that siblings (generally) enjoy playing together! Even if, on occasion, they don't, it is still part of being a family to help one another. It is the responsibility of EVERYONE to help everyone else when they need it.
I believe that today, we are fostering too much independence in our children. We teach them that they must have space, and privacy, and always the freedom to do their own thing. We teach them that as children, they should have their own activities. We push them outside the family as soon as they are old enough and tell them to go make friends, don't worry about helping at home. Some families don't even give kids chores for this reason (yes...I have read a book where a parent firmly stated her policy was not to give her kid any chores at all...or even to teach her manners. As this parent only had one child, I don't really believe her. Perhaps it worked out okay for her ONE child, but every child is different and many would do poorly with that system!). We really push kids to be independent VERY early, from putting their in their own rooms from birth, weaning them betwen 6 and 12 months (if not sooner), disciplining them early but so gently they don't actually get it ("You better come back here! I'm going to count to 10! If you don't come, I'm going to come and get you!" Um...that teaches the child...what, exactly?). Why do we push our children to be so independent? Why is that necessary? And what happens when they grow up?
I envision a family where everyone focuses on each other as their primary relationships. They have friends, of course, but if their family needs them (whether it is to help a sibling, do their chores, or have a fun family outing), they say, "I'll have to catch you next time." I envision a family where they help their siblings because they WANT to, not because they have to. I envision a family that is so close and loving that when all the children are grown, if one says, "I need help," everyone else says, "Tell me what you need and I'll do it." That is the kind of love and help that I see from my family.
When I think of large families, I'm not thinking of just what's happening today. I'm not thinking of my individuals who are independent and will grow up to remain that way. No, they'll grow up to form their own families (whatever size). They will never be really independent. I think it does them a great disservice to teach them to expect space and privacy when they will probably never really have it. They need to learn to live with others instead. Yes, this culture loves to emphasize individualism, but I don't like it or believe in it. I think we need each other. I think we need to be in community with others, part of a family, at all times. We need to give when we can, and learn to receive when we need it. People don't do well at either these days.
As for the Duggars, I can't speak for them. I don't agree with everything they believe or have chosen to do. I don't think in any way that we will be a copy of them or even very similar to them. Being Christians and wanting a lot of children are all we have in common (and debt free, hopefully!). I don't make all my children dress alike and the girls wear their hair long and only wear dresses. I won't make all my kids play the piano and the violin (they can choose any instrument, or sport, etc.). I don't serve them processed food. I won't give them dormitory-style bedrooms (because everyone needs a space where they can have a few minutes to themselves, even if they're sharing with one other sibling). But in general, comparing us to the Duggars isn't really fair. They're just another family out there and there are things I agree with and things I don't.
So that's my general take on the subject. Families are all about each other, they are inherently interlocked, and they all have a responsibility towards one another. Independence is pushed far too much. It's every adult's decision how many children to have and what kind of life they want to lead and how they want to teach their children (and for those children, they'll have their chance too, for most of their life). And ultimately...what is MOST important in a family? That the family is LOVING!! Size doesn't matter, responsibilities (or lack thereof), etc. It's that the parents are loving and giving and they teach the children to be that way too. That is what the children will remember when they are adults, not the minor annoyances.
Right now, I know I'm not the perfect parent (who is?). I know I yell sometimes when Bekah has ignored me for the 14th time in the last half hour. I know we have really bad days. But when she picks up a doll, or sees a real baby, she holds it, kisses it, strokes its hair, offers it a toy...she's gentle and loving towards it. So I know that those moments are what really stick in her head. I have NEVER seen her yell at a doll or try to hurt it or do anything but treat it lovingly. So despite my totally imperfect parenting, something must be going right, huh?
What do you think about large families?
And please, if you're going to comment on this post, read the WHOLE thing and give it some time to sink in first. I've thought about this subject for a very, very long time. And those of you who are against large families and/or older children taking responsibility for younger children, please know my mother agrees with you and shared this sentiment with me over and over growing up, and I found it unfair at times that a few of my friends with younger siblings were often babysitting. So it has taken me a long, long time to come to the perspective I currently have, after experiencing many different situations and ways of thinking.
I believe that large families are a blessing. They are not for everyone, obviously, but God intends some to have large families. Some have said "but it's not fair to the children." Here is something to think about: everyone has an opinion about their siblings and the families they were raised in. Some wish they had more siblings. Some wish they had less. Some loved it just the way it was. Some didn't like a particular sibling. Some felt closest to a particular sibling, maybe even more than their parents. But you don't choose to have another child because one of your children does (or doesn't) want another. If you weren't planning more and your children BEGGED for a sibling, would you have another? Probably not. It's your body and your adult life, and you wouldn't want to go through the pregnancy and have another child to raise if you didn't feel ready, even if your children wanted another sibling. Likewise, it's not their decision to say you shouldn't have more children. This is YOUR life (most of your life happens as an adult and it's your time to choose how you want to live it!), not theirs. When they are adults, they can choose their own experience. Love it or hate it, they've had the childhood they're going to have. Not to mention that even if you only have two children (or even just one!), you can't always please everyone with everything. So it is most important to please God, and then yourself, NOT your children.
Within a family, I believe that everyone has a special and unique relationship with everyone else. It's not merely about the parents' relationship with each child, but the childrens' relationship with each other. Siblings can, and do, share very special and meaningful relationships with one another. I know that already in our family, the first thing Bekah says when she wakes up in the morning or from nap is "Brother?" She doesn't stop asking until she gets to see him. He smiles at her more readily than anyone else, even when she's just poking at him or getting in his face. They seem to have a special bond. I don't have anything to do with that. If she hears him crying, she goes over and pats him or gives him a pacifier or a toy. She offers him her food or her drink (although he's not allowed to have it). She LOVES him. I hope that they always have a special relationship with each other. I believe this type of relationship between siblings should be fostered because it is the first model for friendship.
Children don't know how to have healthy relationships outside their families if they don't have healthy relationships within them. Having their siblings around helps them to learn to get along with others, and negotiate the sometimes difficult areas like sharing, listening, turn-taking, etc. While these skills can be learned in other ways, they are built in to large families.
ALL members of a family have a responsibility towards all other members. It's not unreasonable to expect a child to take care of things for himself -- putting his clothes in the hamper, making his bed, clearing his dishes from the table. It's also not unreasonable to expect him to help a family member. Perhaps removing a younger child's shoes, reading a story to someone, getting someone a glass of water while he's getting himself one. When our children are little, we are training them. Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." If you wish your child to think of others first, you will need to teach him to do so when he is young. When your child is a young adult and is staying with you, would you be hurt if he went into the kitchen and got himself a snack and didn't offer you any? Or didn't thank you after you made him dinner? He needs to be taught this attitude of helpfulness and gratitude when he is young.
It isn't really a burden for a child to have to spend a short amount of time helping a younger sibling each day. A half hour or an hour of being a child's "buddy" is not a huge chunk out of the older sibling's day (not saying I would choose this system, just saying it isn't as horrible as some have made it out to be). It can also help to foster that special relationship between those two siblings. They may truly enjoy studying together, or practicing their musical instruments together. And I certainly hope that siblings (generally) enjoy playing together! Even if, on occasion, they don't, it is still part of being a family to help one another. It is the responsibility of EVERYONE to help everyone else when they need it.
I believe that today, we are fostering too much independence in our children. We teach them that they must have space, and privacy, and always the freedom to do their own thing. We teach them that as children, they should have their own activities. We push them outside the family as soon as they are old enough and tell them to go make friends, don't worry about helping at home. Some families don't even give kids chores for this reason (yes...I have read a book where a parent firmly stated her policy was not to give her kid any chores at all...or even to teach her manners. As this parent only had one child, I don't really believe her. Perhaps it worked out okay for her ONE child, but every child is different and many would do poorly with that system!). We really push kids to be independent VERY early, from putting their in their own rooms from birth, weaning them betwen 6 and 12 months (if not sooner), disciplining them early but so gently they don't actually get it ("You better come back here! I'm going to count to 10! If you don't come, I'm going to come and get you!" Um...that teaches the child...what, exactly?). Why do we push our children to be so independent? Why is that necessary? And what happens when they grow up?
I envision a family where everyone focuses on each other as their primary relationships. They have friends, of course, but if their family needs them (whether it is to help a sibling, do their chores, or have a fun family outing), they say, "I'll have to catch you next time." I envision a family where they help their siblings because they WANT to, not because they have to. I envision a family that is so close and loving that when all the children are grown, if one says, "I need help," everyone else says, "Tell me what you need and I'll do it." That is the kind of love and help that I see from my family.
When I think of large families, I'm not thinking of just what's happening today. I'm not thinking of my individuals who are independent and will grow up to remain that way. No, they'll grow up to form their own families (whatever size). They will never be really independent. I think it does them a great disservice to teach them to expect space and privacy when they will probably never really have it. They need to learn to live with others instead. Yes, this culture loves to emphasize individualism, but I don't like it or believe in it. I think we need each other. I think we need to be in community with others, part of a family, at all times. We need to give when we can, and learn to receive when we need it. People don't do well at either these days.
As for the Duggars, I can't speak for them. I don't agree with everything they believe or have chosen to do. I don't think in any way that we will be a copy of them or even very similar to them. Being Christians and wanting a lot of children are all we have in common (and debt free, hopefully!). I don't make all my children dress alike and the girls wear their hair long and only wear dresses. I won't make all my kids play the piano and the violin (they can choose any instrument, or sport, etc.). I don't serve them processed food. I won't give them dormitory-style bedrooms (because everyone needs a space where they can have a few minutes to themselves, even if they're sharing with one other sibling). But in general, comparing us to the Duggars isn't really fair. They're just another family out there and there are things I agree with and things I don't.
So that's my general take on the subject. Families are all about each other, they are inherently interlocked, and they all have a responsibility towards one another. Independence is pushed far too much. It's every adult's decision how many children to have and what kind of life they want to lead and how they want to teach their children (and for those children, they'll have their chance too, for most of their life). And ultimately...what is MOST important in a family? That the family is LOVING!! Size doesn't matter, responsibilities (or lack thereof), etc. It's that the parents are loving and giving and they teach the children to be that way too. That is what the children will remember when they are adults, not the minor annoyances.
Right now, I know I'm not the perfect parent (who is?). I know I yell sometimes when Bekah has ignored me for the 14th time in the last half hour. I know we have really bad days. But when she picks up a doll, or sees a real baby, she holds it, kisses it, strokes its hair, offers it a toy...she's gentle and loving towards it. So I know that those moments are what really stick in her head. I have NEVER seen her yell at a doll or try to hurt it or do anything but treat it lovingly. So despite my totally imperfect parenting, something must be going right, huh?
What do you think about large families?
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Breastfeeding Survey
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Please visit our new site, ModernAlternativeMama.com.
Comments on this post have been locked and updates are no longer being made to this page. Please click here to view this article on the new site.
I'm working on a project right now, and as part of that, I really would like to understand attitudes towards breastfeeding better. If anyone has a chance to fill out the survey below, it would be much appreciated! You can add it to the comments section (anonymously if you want), or you can email it to Ktietje85 @ gmail.com (no spaces). Thanks!!
Classification Questions
Age (at the time baby was born):
Marital status (at baby’s birth):
Baby’s gestational age (in weeks; if you don’t remember “full term” is fine if past 37 weeks):
Baby’s medical issues (if any):
Prenatal Breastfeeding Attitudes
Did you intend to breastfeed before your baby was born? Why or why not?
What was the most significant influence on your attitudes towards breastfeeding?
What was your breastfeeding goal (i.e. 6 weeks, 6 months, 12 months, etc.)?
What was your attitude towards formula and bottles?
What were your beliefs about breastfeeding before your baby came (ie. “it would be easy,” “it would hurt,” etc.)?
Did you take a breastfeeding class or seek out any form of preparation?
Did you purchase any baby feeding equipment before your baby’s birth (bottles, formula, breast pump, etc.), and if so, what?
Birth Experience
Was your baby born without complications? If no, what happened?
Were you allowed to hold your baby immediately? If no, why not and how long until you did?
Were you encouraged to initiate breastfeeding within one hour of birth? If not, when were you encouraged to breastfeed?
What was the attitude of the staff towards breastfeeding?
Did you room in with your baby?
Was your baby given any supplemental formula or water in the nursery during your hospital stay?
Did any staff member assist you with breastfeeding? Who? What did they do? Was it helpful?
When you left the hospital, were you still breastfeeding? If so, how was it going?
Early Days
How did breastfeeding go once you were at home?
What struggles (if any) did you face?
What support did you have at home? What were the attitudes of those around you?
What did your child’s pediatrician recommend for feeding your baby?
What was his/her attitude towards breastfeeding?
Did you use any supplemental bottles during this time (with any liquid)? How many per day, and what was in them?
Did you seek any support for breastfeeding difficulties once at home? Who/where did you look for help?
If you sought support, what was your experience?
Continuing Breastfeeding
Did you make your original breastfeeding goal? Why or why not?
What was the biggest motivator for you to breastfeed?
What was the biggest obstacle to breastfeeding?
What do you wish you had known or done before your baby’s birth that would have made breastfeeding easier?
What is the most helpful thing someone could have done after your baby’s birth to help you?
At what age did you wean your baby (onto formula, food, etc.)?
At what age did you start solids (even if you were still breastfeeding)?
What was the ultimate reason you weaned?
How did you feel about weaning?
Other thoughts on breastfeeding and breastfeeding support (tell me what your ideal situation would have been, how a lactation specialist could help, etc. – anything you can think of)?
Thanks so much for helping me!
Like what you read? Subscribe over on the right and get posts everyday in your email!
Please visit our new site, ModernAlternativeMama.com.
Comments on this post have been locked and updates are no longer being made to this page. Please click here to view this article on the new site.
I'm working on a project right now, and as part of that, I really would like to understand attitudes towards breastfeeding better. If anyone has a chance to fill out the survey below, it would be much appreciated! You can add it to the comments section (anonymously if you want), or you can email it to Ktietje85 @ gmail.com (no spaces). Thanks!!
Classification Questions
Age (at the time baby was born):
Marital status (at baby’s birth):
Baby’s gestational age (in weeks; if you don’t remember “full term” is fine if past 37 weeks):
Baby’s medical issues (if any):
Prenatal Breastfeeding Attitudes
Did you intend to breastfeed before your baby was born? Why or why not?
What was the most significant influence on your attitudes towards breastfeeding?
What was your breastfeeding goal (i.e. 6 weeks, 6 months, 12 months, etc.)?
What was your attitude towards formula and bottles?
What were your beliefs about breastfeeding before your baby came (ie. “it would be easy,” “it would hurt,” etc.)?
Did you take a breastfeeding class or seek out any form of preparation?
Did you purchase any baby feeding equipment before your baby’s birth (bottles, formula, breast pump, etc.), and if so, what?
Birth Experience
Was your baby born without complications? If no, what happened?
Were you allowed to hold your baby immediately? If no, why not and how long until you did?
Were you encouraged to initiate breastfeeding within one hour of birth? If not, when were you encouraged to breastfeed?
What was the attitude of the staff towards breastfeeding?
Did you room in with your baby?
Was your baby given any supplemental formula or water in the nursery during your hospital stay?
Did any staff member assist you with breastfeeding? Who? What did they do? Was it helpful?
When you left the hospital, were you still breastfeeding? If so, how was it going?
Early Days
How did breastfeeding go once you were at home?
What struggles (if any) did you face?
What support did you have at home? What were the attitudes of those around you?
What did your child’s pediatrician recommend for feeding your baby?
What was his/her attitude towards breastfeeding?
Did you use any supplemental bottles during this time (with any liquid)? How many per day, and what was in them?
Did you seek any support for breastfeeding difficulties once at home? Who/where did you look for help?
If you sought support, what was your experience?
Continuing Breastfeeding
Did you make your original breastfeeding goal? Why or why not?
What was the biggest motivator for you to breastfeed?
What was the biggest obstacle to breastfeeding?
What do you wish you had known or done before your baby’s birth that would have made breastfeeding easier?
What is the most helpful thing someone could have done after your baby’s birth to help you?
At what age did you wean your baby (onto formula, food, etc.)?
At what age did you start solids (even if you were still breastfeeding)?
What was the ultimate reason you weaned?
How did you feel about weaning?
Other thoughts on breastfeeding and breastfeeding support (tell me what your ideal situation would have been, how a lactation specialist could help, etc. – anything you can think of)?
Thanks so much for helping me!
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Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Baby-led Solids
**We've moved!!**
Please visit our new site, ModernAlternativeMama.com.
Comments on this post have been locked and updates are no longer being made to this page. Please click here to view this article on the new site.
**This post has been entered in "Works for me Wednesdays" at We are THAT Family!**
When it comes to solid food, all babies start eating it eventually. The typical wisdom (of late) has been to start baby on rice cereal at 4 - 6 months, the follow up with vegetables, then fruits, and later, dairy and meats. There have been different ideas through the years (including starting babies on rice cereal as early as 2 weeks old!), but one thing all these "plans" have in common are that babies are spoon-fed their early meals.
Not so in baby-led solids.
Baby-led solids is a relatively new idea. Babies are never fed from a spoon or offered any type of purees. They are also rarely offered grains as a first food, but instead are given ripe, raw fruits and vegetables, cheese, or even bits of meat. The food is placed on a tray in front of them, and the baby is encouraged to do what he will with it -- play with it, smash it, lick it, and eat it. If he chooses not to eat, that's okay.
Babies obviously have to be a bit older before they start solids for this to work. Most babies are more in the range of 6 to 8 months, and some are even older before they'll actually eat anything this way. The idea is that if the baby refuses to eat at all, or refuses a particular food, he must not be ready for it. If he DOES choose to eat something, he must be ready for it and he clearly wants it. This gives the baby all the control over what and how much he eats. Since the baby has (hopefully) had demand-feeding up until now, he has always had control over how much he eats (and when), and he has self-regulated well. With baby-led solids, he can continue to self-regulate his eating.
We will be doing baby-led solids with Daniel. He is about 5.5 months at this time, so too young (although he does try to grab our food sometimes!). We're hoping to hold off until 8 months. This is especially important to us because of the history of food allergies. We are hoping that he will not eat things that do not make him feel good (sometimes, kids with allergies will refuse all foods until they are over a year, or certain foods, because they seem to know it is not good for them).
So, WHY would anyone do this? And what should you feed first?
Kelly Mom has a good chart and FAQ on starting solids. She recommends no earlier than 6 months, and cautions that solids DO NOT REPLACE BREASTMILK (or formula)! Solids are only for tasting and experimenting until around age 1. (Side note: Kelly mom says that babies who start solids earlier and eat more of them tend to wean earlier, too. If you have already started your baby on solids before 6 months and s/he is eating a fair amount, and you had hoped to breastfeed for quite awhile yet, don't worry! We started Bekah at 4 months and she ate a lot of solids, too, and she is still an avid nurser at 23 months. So, whatever "mistakes" you make, you can fix or overcome!)
La Leche League weighs in on baby-led solids, too (frequently called "baby led weaning;" I don't like this term because it implies that you are putting the baby from breastmilk onto solids, and this shouldn't be true -- baby should continue to breastfeed while adding complementary foods).
It's important to know how a baby's gut develops. (Click the link for indepth information. It also thoroughly explains the "leaky gut syndrome" I mentioned in a previous post.) If a baby is exclusively breastfed from birth (no supplementation at all), his or her gut will close and begin to mature around 18 weeks. Solids should never be started earlier than this. In babies who are formula fed or who have been supplemented with formula on occasion, it takes even longer for the gut to mature. Using probiotics can help, although breastfeeding is best. The reason that solid foods can't be started until the gut has closed and matured is that until this time, large, undigested proteins can get from the intestines into the bloodstream, where the body can begin to attack them as foreign invaders, creating an allergic reactions. When the gut is mature, proteins don't pass into the bloodstream until fully digested, and therefore don't create allergic reactions (this is why special formulas have pre-digested proteins or even basic amino acids, in an attempt to bypass this issue and cause no allergic reactions).
However, age isn't the only thing to look for when starting solids. The calendar is a good start -- as in, don't start sooner than 6 months of age, unless advised for real medical reasons (a lot of doctors will say "sure, 4 months is fine!" but not have any particular reason why your child NEEDS solids so early; I would not consider this a medical reason). But also look for:
*Doubled birth weight
*Ability to sit unassisted
*Development of the "pincer grasp"
*Interest in food (watching you eat, grabbing your food)
*Loss of the tongue-thrust reflex
If your baby doesn't have ALL of these, he's not ready for solids. Solids, contrary to popular belief, will not help a baby sleep through the night (there is controversy regarding babies with reflux, but my personal belief is that reflux is usually caused by allergies, or immature digestive system, and neither is fixed by feeding unnecessary food, or drugs). It is important to note that breastmilk contains 22 - 35 calories/ounce, and formula contains about 22 calories/ounce. Early solids will typically contain 5 - 10 calories/ounce, and should make up a very sparing part of the child's diet. Put this way, it's obvious that breastmilk is the fattiest and most filling food, and that solids will not "fill the child up" and help him/her to sleep longer.
Once a baby IS ready, though, here are some good first foods:
*Avocado
*Squash
*Sweet potatoes
*Chicken (cut in very tiny pieces, to avoid choking)
*Cooked apples (cut in very tiny pieces)
*Cooked pears
*Egg yolks (no whites)
You will notice that no type of grains are on this list. This is because grains are not good for young babies. The Weston A. Price Foundation recommends that no grains be introduced until around age 2 because babies have a very hard time digesting grains. They actually recommend that animal products (egg yolks, then liver, then other meats and butter) be baby's first foods, starting fruits and vegetables only after 10 months. Babies don't handle "roughage" well as adults do, because they don't produce much amylase, an enzyme required to digest grains and other roughage.
Introduce foods only one at a time, no more often than every three days. It can take awhile for reactions to show up, so if foods are introduced too quickly, it can be hard to tell which is causing a reaction. In children with a family history of allergies (especially siblings), waiting a week between new foods is a good idea. Reactions may include the following:
*Diarrhea
*Vomitting (especially projectile)
*Constipation
*Hives
*Trouble breathing/anaphylaxis
*Eczema
*Night waking
*Screaming
*Belly pain/upset/gas
*Cradle cap
Please be aware that eczema flare-ups ARE a sign of allergy and are NOT normal (Bekah's eczema ONLY flares up when she's eaten a food she's allergic to, and her doctor has indicated this is a sign to watch for). Please also be aware that some of these symptoms can be a sign that the baby is simply not ready for the food and NOT an allergy, but it still means you must wait awhile before trying it again. It is a good idea to introduce filtered water and a good probiotic at the same time as you introduce solids to hopefully minimize any reactions (per Bekah's doctors).
A lot of babies experience severe constipation when rice cereal is introduced first -- Bekah did. They actually cry and strain. This is not normal, and is a sign that their bodies are not ready to digest grains. Many parents are told this IS normal and are advised to give their babies juice, or worse, medical suppositories. The best answer is to stop feeding grains and start with other foods, or simply wait longer to feed foods at all. Remember: babies are NOT supposed to be getting a large portion of their calories from their food yet. They are only tasting and learning about new textures, experimenting.
When introducing a food, cut up a small bit of it into tiny pieces and place them on a highchair tray. Sit the baby in the highchair, and encourage him/her to play with, lick, and eat the food. If s/he is not interested, don't push him/her to try it. Just wait a couple days and try again. Always watch your child carefully when s/he is eating, especially in the first few months. If the baby indicates s/he likes the food and wants more (baby sign is really great for this), or wants some help, go ahead and help. This is BABY LED, but that doesn't mean you can't help if the baby would like you to.
Once you have introduced several foods, you can start to put more than one on the tray at once, or serve some of the family's meal to the baby (for example: egg yolks cooked with some meat). Introducing butter and coconut oil early on is a good idea, too, because both provide the needed saturated fat and cholesterol to the baby (coconut oil is cholesterol-free but does contain the medium-chain fatty acids found, besides coconut, only in mother's milk). The Weston A. Price Foundation has lots of good ideas on feeding babies (linked above).
In case you find this article a bit strange and lest you think I feel like I'm a "perfect parent" for doing things this way (as it's been brought to my attention that sometimes I come off that way when I don't mean to), let me tell you about my experience feeding Bekah. She was given formula supplements from birth to 6 weeks, then exclusively breastfed until 4 months. She was started on rice cereal just prior to reaching 18 weeks. I did this because she had stopped sleeping well at night at 3 months (although she was STILL only waking once per night, which, believe me, is a whole lot better than Daniel's doing now at almost 5.5 months) and I felt like she needed "more" and it would help her sleep through the night (it didn't. She only starting sleeping through the night "most of the time" at 22 months). Within a week we were trying pears, peas, bananas, apples, carrots, and various other foods. We didn't wait more than 2 or 3 days in between foods, and I didn't note any allergic reactions as such (horrible constipation from the rice cereal, followed by diarrhea and night waking from peas, which we now know she is allergic to). By 6 months I kind of was trying to hold back, but also sort of letting her eat "whatever." I spoonfed her everything, and made purees for her. I usually fed her either a puree of fruit or vegetable (broccoli was another common one early on) for her meals, or I fed her over-cooked, mushy, cut up fruit or vegetables. When I didn't have any around (I never bought any jars), I would feed her whatever was around -- pasta coated in canned tomato soup, cream or cheese soups, even Taco Bell cheese roll-ups once or twice. I loved that she'd eat anything. At 8 months or so I'd give her "whatever" half the time, and sweet potatoes mixed with brown rice for dinner. That stopped at 11 months after she got the stomach flu and refused to eat it anymore. Right around her birthday, she stopped eating anything except apples, bananas, bread, cheese, and potatoes, when previously she'd eaten anything. Just after this we started discovering all her allergies...and since then we've been on a roller coaster ride of trying to heal her, get her to try new foods, etc. etc. She is FINALLY willing to at least try most foods now, and is sleeping through the night...most of the time (she is 23 months). There were months and months where we just had to feed her more applesauce, or another slice of bread, because she literally would not eat anything else. It was very frustrating. Anyway -- we're trying really hard to avoid that with Daniel, so I've done all this research on how we can do a better job feeding him so that (hopefully) it doesn't happen again. Knock on wood.
How and when did you begin solids with your baby? What did you feed first? Has this post brought new ideas to you about infant feeding?
Like what you read? Subscribe over on the right and get posts everyday in your email!
Please visit our new site, ModernAlternativeMama.com.
Comments on this post have been locked and updates are no longer being made to this page. Please click here to view this article on the new site.
**This post has been entered in "Works for me Wednesdays" at We are THAT Family!**
When it comes to solid food, all babies start eating it eventually. The typical wisdom (of late) has been to start baby on rice cereal at 4 - 6 months, the follow up with vegetables, then fruits, and later, dairy and meats. There have been different ideas through the years (including starting babies on rice cereal as early as 2 weeks old!), but one thing all these "plans" have in common are that babies are spoon-fed their early meals.
Not so in baby-led solids.
Baby-led solids is a relatively new idea. Babies are never fed from a spoon or offered any type of purees. They are also rarely offered grains as a first food, but instead are given ripe, raw fruits and vegetables, cheese, or even bits of meat. The food is placed on a tray in front of them, and the baby is encouraged to do what he will with it -- play with it, smash it, lick it, and eat it. If he chooses not to eat, that's okay.
Babies obviously have to be a bit older before they start solids for this to work. Most babies are more in the range of 6 to 8 months, and some are even older before they'll actually eat anything this way. The idea is that if the baby refuses to eat at all, or refuses a particular food, he must not be ready for it. If he DOES choose to eat something, he must be ready for it and he clearly wants it. This gives the baby all the control over what and how much he eats. Since the baby has (hopefully) had demand-feeding up until now, he has always had control over how much he eats (and when), and he has self-regulated well. With baby-led solids, he can continue to self-regulate his eating.
We will be doing baby-led solids with Daniel. He is about 5.5 months at this time, so too young (although he does try to grab our food sometimes!). We're hoping to hold off until 8 months. This is especially important to us because of the history of food allergies. We are hoping that he will not eat things that do not make him feel good (sometimes, kids with allergies will refuse all foods until they are over a year, or certain foods, because they seem to know it is not good for them).
So, WHY would anyone do this? And what should you feed first?
Kelly Mom has a good chart and FAQ on starting solids. She recommends no earlier than 6 months, and cautions that solids DO NOT REPLACE BREASTMILK (or formula)! Solids are only for tasting and experimenting until around age 1. (Side note: Kelly mom says that babies who start solids earlier and eat more of them tend to wean earlier, too. If you have already started your baby on solids before 6 months and s/he is eating a fair amount, and you had hoped to breastfeed for quite awhile yet, don't worry! We started Bekah at 4 months and she ate a lot of solids, too, and she is still an avid nurser at 23 months. So, whatever "mistakes" you make, you can fix or overcome!)
La Leche League weighs in on baby-led solids, too (frequently called "baby led weaning;" I don't like this term because it implies that you are putting the baby from breastmilk onto solids, and this shouldn't be true -- baby should continue to breastfeed while adding complementary foods).
It's important to know how a baby's gut develops. (Click the link for indepth information. It also thoroughly explains the "leaky gut syndrome" I mentioned in a previous post.) If a baby is exclusively breastfed from birth (no supplementation at all), his or her gut will close and begin to mature around 18 weeks. Solids should never be started earlier than this. In babies who are formula fed or who have been supplemented with formula on occasion, it takes even longer for the gut to mature. Using probiotics can help, although breastfeeding is best. The reason that solid foods can't be started until the gut has closed and matured is that until this time, large, undigested proteins can get from the intestines into the bloodstream, where the body can begin to attack them as foreign invaders, creating an allergic reactions. When the gut is mature, proteins don't pass into the bloodstream until fully digested, and therefore don't create allergic reactions (this is why special formulas have pre-digested proteins or even basic amino acids, in an attempt to bypass this issue and cause no allergic reactions).
However, age isn't the only thing to look for when starting solids. The calendar is a good start -- as in, don't start sooner than 6 months of age, unless advised for real medical reasons (a lot of doctors will say "sure, 4 months is fine!" but not have any particular reason why your child NEEDS solids so early; I would not consider this a medical reason). But also look for:
*Doubled birth weight
*Ability to sit unassisted
*Development of the "pincer grasp"
*Interest in food (watching you eat, grabbing your food)
*Loss of the tongue-thrust reflex
If your baby doesn't have ALL of these, he's not ready for solids. Solids, contrary to popular belief, will not help a baby sleep through the night (there is controversy regarding babies with reflux, but my personal belief is that reflux is usually caused by allergies, or immature digestive system, and neither is fixed by feeding unnecessary food, or drugs). It is important to note that breastmilk contains 22 - 35 calories/ounce, and formula contains about 22 calories/ounce. Early solids will typically contain 5 - 10 calories/ounce, and should make up a very sparing part of the child's diet. Put this way, it's obvious that breastmilk is the fattiest and most filling food, and that solids will not "fill the child up" and help him/her to sleep longer.
Once a baby IS ready, though, here are some good first foods:
*Avocado
*Squash
*Sweet potatoes
*Chicken (cut in very tiny pieces, to avoid choking)
*Cooked apples (cut in very tiny pieces)
*Cooked pears
*Egg yolks (no whites)
You will notice that no type of grains are on this list. This is because grains are not good for young babies. The Weston A. Price Foundation recommends that no grains be introduced until around age 2 because babies have a very hard time digesting grains. They actually recommend that animal products (egg yolks, then liver, then other meats and butter) be baby's first foods, starting fruits and vegetables only after 10 months. Babies don't handle "roughage" well as adults do, because they don't produce much amylase, an enzyme required to digest grains and other roughage.
Introduce foods only one at a time, no more often than every three days. It can take awhile for reactions to show up, so if foods are introduced too quickly, it can be hard to tell which is causing a reaction. In children with a family history of allergies (especially siblings), waiting a week between new foods is a good idea. Reactions may include the following:
*Diarrhea
*Vomitting (especially projectile)
*Constipation
*Hives
*Trouble breathing/anaphylaxis
*Eczema
*Night waking
*Screaming
*Belly pain/upset/gas
*Cradle cap
Please be aware that eczema flare-ups ARE a sign of allergy and are NOT normal (Bekah's eczema ONLY flares up when she's eaten a food she's allergic to, and her doctor has indicated this is a sign to watch for). Please also be aware that some of these symptoms can be a sign that the baby is simply not ready for the food and NOT an allergy, but it still means you must wait awhile before trying it again. It is a good idea to introduce filtered water and a good probiotic at the same time as you introduce solids to hopefully minimize any reactions (per Bekah's doctors).
A lot of babies experience severe constipation when rice cereal is introduced first -- Bekah did. They actually cry and strain. This is not normal, and is a sign that their bodies are not ready to digest grains. Many parents are told this IS normal and are advised to give their babies juice, or worse, medical suppositories. The best answer is to stop feeding grains and start with other foods, or simply wait longer to feed foods at all. Remember: babies are NOT supposed to be getting a large portion of their calories from their food yet. They are only tasting and learning about new textures, experimenting.
When introducing a food, cut up a small bit of it into tiny pieces and place them on a highchair tray. Sit the baby in the highchair, and encourage him/her to play with, lick, and eat the food. If s/he is not interested, don't push him/her to try it. Just wait a couple days and try again. Always watch your child carefully when s/he is eating, especially in the first few months. If the baby indicates s/he likes the food and wants more (baby sign is really great for this), or wants some help, go ahead and help. This is BABY LED, but that doesn't mean you can't help if the baby would like you to.
Once you have introduced several foods, you can start to put more than one on the tray at once, or serve some of the family's meal to the baby (for example: egg yolks cooked with some meat). Introducing butter and coconut oil early on is a good idea, too, because both provide the needed saturated fat and cholesterol to the baby (coconut oil is cholesterol-free but does contain the medium-chain fatty acids found, besides coconut, only in mother's milk). The Weston A. Price Foundation has lots of good ideas on feeding babies (linked above).
In case you find this article a bit strange and lest you think I feel like I'm a "perfect parent" for doing things this way (as it's been brought to my attention that sometimes I come off that way when I don't mean to), let me tell you about my experience feeding Bekah. She was given formula supplements from birth to 6 weeks, then exclusively breastfed until 4 months. She was started on rice cereal just prior to reaching 18 weeks. I did this because she had stopped sleeping well at night at 3 months (although she was STILL only waking once per night, which, believe me, is a whole lot better than Daniel's doing now at almost 5.5 months) and I felt like she needed "more" and it would help her sleep through the night (it didn't. She only starting sleeping through the night "most of the time" at 22 months). Within a week we were trying pears, peas, bananas, apples, carrots, and various other foods. We didn't wait more than 2 or 3 days in between foods, and I didn't note any allergic reactions as such (horrible constipation from the rice cereal, followed by diarrhea and night waking from peas, which we now know she is allergic to). By 6 months I kind of was trying to hold back, but also sort of letting her eat "whatever." I spoonfed her everything, and made purees for her. I usually fed her either a puree of fruit or vegetable (broccoli was another common one early on) for her meals, or I fed her over-cooked, mushy, cut up fruit or vegetables. When I didn't have any around (I never bought any jars), I would feed her whatever was around -- pasta coated in canned tomato soup, cream or cheese soups, even Taco Bell cheese roll-ups once or twice. I loved that she'd eat anything. At 8 months or so I'd give her "whatever" half the time, and sweet potatoes mixed with brown rice for dinner. That stopped at 11 months after she got the stomach flu and refused to eat it anymore. Right around her birthday, she stopped eating anything except apples, bananas, bread, cheese, and potatoes, when previously she'd eaten anything. Just after this we started discovering all her allergies...and since then we've been on a roller coaster ride of trying to heal her, get her to try new foods, etc. etc. She is FINALLY willing to at least try most foods now, and is sleeping through the night...most of the time (she is 23 months). There were months and months where we just had to feed her more applesauce, or another slice of bread, because she literally would not eat anything else. It was very frustrating. Anyway -- we're trying really hard to avoid that with Daniel, so I've done all this research on how we can do a better job feeding him so that (hopefully) it doesn't happen again. Knock on wood.
How and when did you begin solids with your baby? What did you feed first? Has this post brought new ideas to you about infant feeding?
Like what you read? Subscribe over on the right and get posts everyday in your email!
Monday, December 21, 2009
God Working in My Life
**We've moved!!**
Please visit our new site, ModernAlternativeMama.com.
Comments on this post have been locked and updates are no longer being made to this page. Please click here to view this article on the new site.
Wow! It's been a busy weekend. We were out of town from early Saturday morning (we left around 7 AM) until after 3 PM today. It was long! It was a great time to be with our family members, but I am glad to be home now. There were tons of people, tons of (not-so-healthy) food, and not much sleep. A lot of the stuff I've done on this blog in the last few days (I spent some time when others were napping or engaged in other activities checking comments and such) has been in a sleep-deprived, distracted haze. So if anything or anyone got overlooked, or if maybe I said some things I shouldn't have...I'm sorry. :) Like I said, it's been a little crazy.
In the past few months, God has really been working in my life. He's driven me to do a lot of different things that I might not have otherwise, or which were hard for me to do. I just wanted to share with you some of these things that have been going on, in hopes that it might inspire you.
I'll admit it: I LOVE the internet. I like to talk to people, and I like to research and learn new things. It's been hard for me to limit myself on computer time some days so I can spend enough time with my kids. There are days that they are quietly playing happily and I have some work that I want to get done and it's easy to justify doing it while they're happy, or even while they're on my lap sometimes. But God's been pushing me away from this more and more (by the way, as I write this, Daniel sleeps on me in his sling, and Bekah's running around her grandparents' house playing).
I have found that God is giving us more time in the mornings to play and get dressed (over an hour usually) before we even get downstairs. My kids and my house have been demanding more of my attention. I enjoy the chance to get up and chase them around, and involve them in the other things I'm doing, and to just stop and play with them (Bekah loves to get chased or tickled on the ground, so we take time everyday to do this with her!).
I've also been getting more involved in the community around me. God has provided a small group at church and many friends with kids Bekah's age. I've also found other playgroups and communities and we're getting involved with. I've been really seeking community in the last few months. I'm trying to find like-minded people here to befriend, and it's been going really well. I have a lot of really great friends here now, with kids Bekah's age. It's been great for her, too, to have her own little friends, and she knows a few by name now. God has really provided opportunities for me to find this community.
I've also found that God has placed certain books in my life, or people, or blog posts (from others) that really show me things I need to work on. For example, earlier I was reading another blog where the blog owner and a reader were having a bit of a debate about a subject. The blog owner was being very gentle and happy and really made the whole debate light-hearted. I thought, this is really timely for me to read because I don't think I've handled debates on my blog very well. It's been hard for me to sort out what is well-intentioned from what isn't and I know I've alienated a few readers by becoming defensive when it wasn't warranted. It was so great to see an example of a disagreement handled well, so that in the future maybe I can handle mine better, too. If you were affected by this -- I'm very sorry. I do not always handle things the way I should and I am trying to do better now.
I've also had similar things placed in my life to show me how to be gentler and more consistent with my children. I've been rewarded already with happier and more obedient children (well...child...Daniel's too little). I've been attempting to teach Bekah two major things lately: that if she gets hurt or upset, a kiss or hug from mommy can make it all better (and she now asks for a hug or kiss if she is upset, then happily goes to play again), and that if she makes a mess, she will have to clean it up herself (she now makes fewer messes, and often cleans up the ones she has made without being asked).
I find that the more I am willing to accept what I see and hear around me, the more I see the ways God is really working in my life. He really provides me all the answers and encouragement I need, and He is gently trying to correct me and show me a better way. He is pushing me to be a better parent (more present for my kids, more consistent, gentler, more loving), to be more loving and encouraging to those around me, to be more humble and teachable and less defensive. I am working very hard, and all the encouraging words I find in others' blog posts or the Bible or other sources are really helping me, and making me feel stronger.
Now, I hate to say this, but I was pretty upset by some of the comments I received over the weekend. I am really working hard to post and respond to any and all comments that I can. But the ones that use name-calling are very upsetting to me. And I really hope that, as adults, we can really all be respectful and share nicely. I know that people have a hard time, first of all, noting tone or intentions over the internet, so things can be easily misconstrued. But I also know that sometimes the anonymity of a computer screen can make people feel bold and they say things they wouldn't say to someone's face. Please think about how the person on the receiving end of your comment will feel before you hit send. I am trying very hard to think more about this myself, so please work on this with me.
Second, I also HIGHLY ENCOURAGE you all to leave your names! I feel like so many of you read this blog and "know" me, but I don't "know" you at all. I would really like to know you, too, so I can have a rapport with my faithful readers. Seeing anonymous comments, nice or mean, is a little discouraging to me! Also, it's unfortunate, but all of the rude comments come through anonymously. If that continues, I will have to turn off anonymous commenting (because of that whole boldness because of anonymity through a computer screen, etc.). I don't want to do this because we've had a lot of really great contributions, but if people are not able to be mature and polite, it will have to stop. I'm so sorry to have to say all this, but I really do find it upsetting to read some of the comments, and I really want to get to know my readers better. So if you stop by, please leave your first name! Thanks!
Please visit our new site, ModernAlternativeMama.com.
Comments on this post have been locked and updates are no longer being made to this page. Please click here to view this article on the new site.
Wow! It's been a busy weekend. We were out of town from early Saturday morning (we left around 7 AM) until after 3 PM today. It was long! It was a great time to be with our family members, but I am glad to be home now. There were tons of people, tons of (not-so-healthy) food, and not much sleep. A lot of the stuff I've done on this blog in the last few days (I spent some time when others were napping or engaged in other activities checking comments and such) has been in a sleep-deprived, distracted haze. So if anything or anyone got overlooked, or if maybe I said some things I shouldn't have...I'm sorry. :) Like I said, it's been a little crazy.
In the past few months, God has really been working in my life. He's driven me to do a lot of different things that I might not have otherwise, or which were hard for me to do. I just wanted to share with you some of these things that have been going on, in hopes that it might inspire you.
I'll admit it: I LOVE the internet. I like to talk to people, and I like to research and learn new things. It's been hard for me to limit myself on computer time some days so I can spend enough time with my kids. There are days that they are quietly playing happily and I have some work that I want to get done and it's easy to justify doing it while they're happy, or even while they're on my lap sometimes. But God's been pushing me away from this more and more (by the way, as I write this, Daniel sleeps on me in his sling, and Bekah's running around her grandparents' house playing).
I have found that God is giving us more time in the mornings to play and get dressed (over an hour usually) before we even get downstairs. My kids and my house have been demanding more of my attention. I enjoy the chance to get up and chase them around, and involve them in the other things I'm doing, and to just stop and play with them (Bekah loves to get chased or tickled on the ground, so we take time everyday to do this with her!).
I've also been getting more involved in the community around me. God has provided a small group at church and many friends with kids Bekah's age. I've also found other playgroups and communities and we're getting involved with. I've been really seeking community in the last few months. I'm trying to find like-minded people here to befriend, and it's been going really well. I have a lot of really great friends here now, with kids Bekah's age. It's been great for her, too, to have her own little friends, and she knows a few by name now. God has really provided opportunities for me to find this community.
I've also found that God has placed certain books in my life, or people, or blog posts (from others) that really show me things I need to work on. For example, earlier I was reading another blog where the blog owner and a reader were having a bit of a debate about a subject. The blog owner was being very gentle and happy and really made the whole debate light-hearted. I thought, this is really timely for me to read because I don't think I've handled debates on my blog very well. It's been hard for me to sort out what is well-intentioned from what isn't and I know I've alienated a few readers by becoming defensive when it wasn't warranted. It was so great to see an example of a disagreement handled well, so that in the future maybe I can handle mine better, too. If you were affected by this -- I'm very sorry. I do not always handle things the way I should and I am trying to do better now.
I've also had similar things placed in my life to show me how to be gentler and more consistent with my children. I've been rewarded already with happier and more obedient children (well...child...Daniel's too little). I've been attempting to teach Bekah two major things lately: that if she gets hurt or upset, a kiss or hug from mommy can make it all better (and she now asks for a hug or kiss if she is upset, then happily goes to play again), and that if she makes a mess, she will have to clean it up herself (she now makes fewer messes, and often cleans up the ones she has made without being asked).
I find that the more I am willing to accept what I see and hear around me, the more I see the ways God is really working in my life. He really provides me all the answers and encouragement I need, and He is gently trying to correct me and show me a better way. He is pushing me to be a better parent (more present for my kids, more consistent, gentler, more loving), to be more loving and encouraging to those around me, to be more humble and teachable and less defensive. I am working very hard, and all the encouraging words I find in others' blog posts or the Bible or other sources are really helping me, and making me feel stronger.
Now, I hate to say this, but I was pretty upset by some of the comments I received over the weekend. I am really working hard to post and respond to any and all comments that I can. But the ones that use name-calling are very upsetting to me. And I really hope that, as adults, we can really all be respectful and share nicely. I know that people have a hard time, first of all, noting tone or intentions over the internet, so things can be easily misconstrued. But I also know that sometimes the anonymity of a computer screen can make people feel bold and they say things they wouldn't say to someone's face. Please think about how the person on the receiving end of your comment will feel before you hit send. I am trying very hard to think more about this myself, so please work on this with me.
Second, I also HIGHLY ENCOURAGE you all to leave your names! I feel like so many of you read this blog and "know" me, but I don't "know" you at all. I would really like to know you, too, so I can have a rapport with my faithful readers. Seeing anonymous comments, nice or mean, is a little discouraging to me! Also, it's unfortunate, but all of the rude comments come through anonymously. If that continues, I will have to turn off anonymous commenting (because of that whole boldness because of anonymity through a computer screen, etc.). I don't want to do this because we've had a lot of really great contributions, but if people are not able to be mature and polite, it will have to stop. I'm so sorry to have to say all this, but I really do find it upsetting to read some of the comments, and I really want to get to know my readers better. So if you stop by, please leave your first name! Thanks!
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Home Birth
**We've moved!!**
Please visit our new site, ModernAlternativeMama.com.
Comments on this post have been locked and updates are no longer being made to this page. Please click here to view this article on the new site.
**Note: Homebirth is a beautiful and SAFE experience for babies everywhere. Babies used to be born at home and still should be. The U.S. has the highest rate of interventions of any developed country -- AND the highest infant mortality rate. Parenting is all about choosing what is best for your baby and home birth, for many moms, is it. Even if you would not be comfortable at home, and would not choose home birth, please don't insult the moms who do. They have carefully studied their options (no matter what their age) and have chosen what is absolutely best for them. Please be respectful in your comments even if you disagree. **
If you've read Daniel's birth story at the beginning of this blog, you already know he was born at home. So, clearly, I am pro-home birth. But why? Why would someone choose to have a home birth? Is it safe? Where would you find attendants? There is a lot to consider when you are thinking about having a home birth.
First of all, you should birth where you are most comfortable. For some people, that truly is the hospital, because they feel too nervous about the "what ifs" involved in childbirth and/or they like an environment where they really don't have to worry about anything, they are taken care of. But for a lot of people, home is the most comfortable environment, because home is what is familiar. For those women, they should be able to birth at home, and should have access to midwives so they can do so safely (I'll be discussing the issues surrounding midwives and home births from a legal standpoint in another post).
If you are considering a home birth, the first thing you should do is find a qualified midwife. This does NOT necessarily mean a nurse-midwife; there are also certified professional midwives. In some states CPMs are legal, and in others (including here), they aren't. If you ask around, you'll probably find the same few names coming up over and over. There's a community of "natural" parents, including home-birthers, in every major area. Some are luckier than others though! You can also look at DONA or NACPM (National Association of Certified Professional Midwives), or NARM (North American Registry of Midwives).
Sit down with the midwife you've chosen and ask LOTS of questions. Here is a brief of things you really must ask, but add to this list anything you're wondering about, including your attitudes towards birth, fears, desires, etc.
1) How much training have you had? Do you have any certifications? Which?
2) How long have you been a midwife?
3) How many babies have you delivered?
4) What are your birth statistics (inc. hospital transfers and reasons why, any maternal/neonatal deaths and causes, average birth weight, c-sections, etc.)?
5) Have you ever had any unusual birth situations (cord prolapse, unknown breech, etc.)? How did you handle them?
6) How and why do you recommend a woman to go the hospital? What happens if I need to go?
7) What happens if you are unavailable for my birth? Do you have a back up?
8) What is your philosophy on birth?
9) What is your role in my birth? How much control will I have? What about writing a birth plan?
10) Do you do water births? Hypnobirths? (Or any other type you want)
11) What happens in an emergency, if we can't drive to the hospital? Are you trained in CPR or other resuscitation? Do you bring any equipment with you?
12) What do I need to supply for the birth?
13) Do you have any reference families I can contact?
14) How often will I see you? Will you do prenatal care for me?
15) Do you use a back-up doctor or do you recommend I see one? If so, who?
16) If I need to go to the hospital, do you recommend a particular one?
17) Do you do any routine testing or exams? What type?
18) Do you have any limits on who can attend my birth? If so, why?
19) At what point do you consider me full term? What if I go into labor early?
20) Is there anything else I need to know about home birth or you?
Make sure that you get a sense of your midwife's attitude towards birth. Hopefully, you will find one who is very open to your ideas and wishes in birthing, is well-trained in CPR and resuscitations, can do basic prenatal care, is cautious and willing to refer you to a doctor at any point if you become high-risk or if there are any problems or concerns at all (from either of you). The midwife should be willing to allow whoever you want at the birth, be certified and well-trained (having attended no fewer than 30 births, which should occur during training). The midwife should carry equipment with her in case of emergency (oxygen) and be familiar with what to do for cord prolapse, hemmorhage, etc. She should do routine testing for hemoglobin levels, and for protein/sugar in your urine, but most other testing is unnecessary. Although, she should know where to go in case you would prefer to do other testing and be willing to work with you on that. She should not perform internal exams up until labor unless there is a problem, in which case she should probably refer you to a doctor. She should recommend a particular doctor(s) and hospital in case of emergency, and officially say a back up doctor is fine, even if she does not require you to have one. The most important thing is that you feel comfortable with her, and feel that she is trained, can handle your birth and any complications (hoping for none) and that her attitude and philosophy meshes well with yours.
In some states, if the midwives are legal, they will be able to actually attend your birth in a hospital, if you require transfer. In others, where midwives are NOT legal, they will function as a doula or labor coach in the event of a transfer. This is still desirable because midwives can discuss options with the doctors and advocate for you. This way if the doctor says "You really need..." your midwife, who is experienced, can advise you on whether that treatment is really necessary (in many cases it will be, because you don't go to the hospital from a planned homebirth for no reason, but still, it's good to have a midwife to help you sort through your options). It is also important to note that some midwives consider you full term at 36 weeks; others at 37. Most will not attend a birth prior to whatever they consider full term, and will send you straight to the hospital for any premature labor.
You should see a midwife as often as you would otherwise see a doctor. That is, monthly from 8 - 28 weeks, bi-weekly from 28 - 36 weeks, and weekly from 36 weeks - birth. You should also have a home visit from your midwife around 36 or 37 weeks, so that she knows how to get to you, and so that she can verify that you have all your homebirth supplies and that you are ready. Because after this point, you could go into labor at any time!
At each midwife appointment, you should meet for a full hour, or at least a half hour. The appointments shouldn't be 5 - 10 minutes like a doctor's, because your midwife should spend time getting to know you, your husband, your children (if any), and to learn as much as she can about what you are looking for in your pregnancy and birth experience. Early in your care, your midwife should take a detailed history on you. If you have any previous obstetrical history, your midwife should ask you about it in detail. She should also ask about your mother and sisters. If you have had any previous complications, your midwife will want to know what, and why. For example, if you've had a previous c-section for a breech baby, this is unlikely to occur again and is not a concern. But if you've had preeclampsia in the past, this is a concern and could disqualify you from home birth. In general, your midwife should screen you early in your pregnancy to see if you are a good candidate for home birth. The following may disqualify you:
*A complicated gynecological history (frequently missed periods for no reason, PCOS, etc.)
*Multiple miscarriages
*History pre-term labor
*History of pre-eclampsia or HELLP syndrome
*Uncontrolled or difficult diabetes
*History of gestational diabetes
*History of c-sections for circumstances likely to repeat
*Previous hemorrhage
*History of neonatal complications
*Any indications of high-risk pregnancy (multiple miscarriage scares, bleeding, unusual cramping, threatened pre-term labor, etc.)
*Multiple pregnancy (twins, triplets)
Some midwives will disqualify you just for having diabetes, including gestational, or any c-sections (they don't want to attend a VBAC). You may also get disqualified late in pregnancy due to a breech baby (though some will keep seeing you in case the baby turns). Some will attempt a twin birth at home, but it depends on the position of the twins near term; most won't attempt higher multiples at home. It's possible that, if you have a history with this midwife, she will care for you even with some problems because she knows your history, whereas she would not take you on as a new client. If you are potentially high-risk, the midwife should recommend that you see a doctor in addition, so that you can transfer your care if necessary.
At each appointment, you should discuss any problems, questions, or concerns that you have. Your midwife should weigh you, or at least ask if you've weighed yourself (this is more important towards the end of your pregnancy, because a rapid weight gain can signal the beginning of pre-eclampsia. Some women do not want to be weighed in the first half of their pregnancy, and in healthy women, this can be okay -- ask). Your midwife should also take a look at your diet and advise you on how you can eat better for your baby (she should recommend 80 - 100 grams of protein per day, among other things). Your midwife may recommend a particular "pregnancy tea" (containing oatstraw, red raspberry leaf, alfalfa, and other herbs) and possibly a prenatal vitamin. If your hemoglobin is low (below 12), she may recommend spirulina to bring it up. Your midwife should also do prenatal care: listen for baby's heart tones (with a doppler or fetoscope), feel for baby's position, and after 20 weeks, measure fundal height. Your midwife should also have you check for any protein or sugar in your urine, and if any is found, follow up with further testing (it can be a sign of gestational diabetes or preeclampsia). Some midwives will also have you test your blood sugar at home for a week while eating normal meals (and will advise you on the proper way to do this testing) to determine if you are at risk or showing signs of gestational diabetes, and will recommend follow-up testing if necessary, or perhaps a diet change. The ACOG now says that for women with no history of diabetes who are under 25, no glucose testing is necessary anyway.
Your midwife will also attempt to assess your ideas, thoughts, and feelings about birth and all related issues. This means if you are a victim of abuse (sexual or otherwise), your midwife will attempt to discuss this, work through it with you, and refer you to a counselor if necessary. If there are family members or friends putting pressure on you because they do not agree with your choices, she will discuss this with you too.
Your midwife should also give you her immediate contact information: phone number and email (preferably cell phone) so that if you have an emergency, or if the baby is coming, you can call her and reach her immediately. This is IMPORTANT. I have heard many stories of people I know personally, just in the last few months, of having their babies in 15 min. - 2 hours after the first contraction, and in many cases, the midwife didn't even make it! For this reason, you and your husband should also attend a birthing class (your midwife should recommend one, and/or teach you this information) to learn how to deliver a baby, just in case you are alone when the baby comes.
You will also need to buy birthing supplies. Many midwives will put together birthing kits that you can buy directly from them, or from a source they will provide you. You are also able to go and buy your own supplies. A basic list includes:
*Chux pads, large and small (20 - 30)
*Latex gloves
*A birthing pool with liner (if desired)
*Several towels, sterilized (your midwife should tell you how, but seal them in a paper bag and bake for 2 - 3 hours at 200 degrees)
*Baby hat
*Nasal aspirator
*Peri bottle(s)
*Sterilized washcloths and hot water in a crockpot (for perineum compresses)
*Ice packs (for after)
*Mattress pads
*Large trash bags
*Cord tape
*Straws
*Juice/cereal to snack on
*Large bowls (for placenta, and in case you get sick)
*Pads for after the birth (like menstrual pads, but big)
Your midwife may have a different list of supplies. She may also require additional items that you already have around the home (extra sheets for your bed, blankets to wrap the baby in, etc.). It is important to gather ALL the supplies that your midwife requests, organize and label them, and have them in the room you intend to birth at least 4 weeks before your due date. You may also choose to have additional supplies that you want: camera or video camera, special outfit/diaper for after birth, music to play, candles to light, massage oil, birthing ball, special outfit for you, etc. Select all these in advance and put them near your birthing supplies. If you want certain pictures, make sure you have someone who is NOT coaching you who can take them, and that they understand what you do -- and DON'T -- want pictures of (i.e. "don't take a picture of me naked!" or "don't get the head crowning!" etc.). It may be a good idea to invite someone you trust just to take pictures, if this is important to you.
If you want a birthing tub, you can rent one (usually around $200). This is fine...but you can also buy one. There are pools from $30 - $1200. We bought a kiddie pool called the Aquarium pool for $30 and it was just fine. It was strong, had 3 separate inflatable rings (important, so you can adjust the height as necessary) and the sides were strong enough to lean/lay on. The pool should be 22 - 28" deep, and it depends on your height. The size of the pool matters, too, depending on whether you want your husband in with you. 6 ft. in diameter should be big enough for a second person, but talk to your midwife about specific recommendations or ask others who've had water births.
If you have older children, you must decide whether or not they will attend the birth. If the birth occurs at night, a lot of people will let their children sleep; if you have children who are much older (7 or so), they may want to be woken for the birth. It is a good idea to have a helper for the child(ren) who can be present for the birth if the child(ren) wants to be, but is willing to leave if not. We called our friend, Lindsey, to come and watch Bekah during Daniel's birth, which worked out for the best. Next time we will probably allow her to watch -- if she wants to. Some children really just want to be with their mothers and observing the birth is in everyone's best interests; it can also foster a strong bond between siblings. However, some children are a distraction or cannot stand to see their mother in pain and do not want to witness the birth. Either way, children can come back as soon as the baby is born and meet their new sibling in the first moments of his/her life, which is equally special. This is an issue you should discuss thoroughly with your midwife, but remember to be flexible. We had assumed Bekah WOULD want to witness the birth because we thought if she were downstairs and knew I was nearby, she would throw a fit about not getting to be with me. But it turned out she was quite happy to play with friends, and much fussier and clingier when she was with me (which I didn't need right then!).
It's important to note that, in labor, you will probably have a point where you say "I can't do this anymore!" If you MEAN it, your support people should be willing to take you to the hospital, even if nothing is really wrong (you are just exhausted). But be aware that nearly every woman says this, and it means you are either in transition or right around the corner from it. Also, no matter how logical you think you are at this point, you are not. Trust your support people and if they try to convince you to stay home, and talk you through a few more contractions, give it a shot. It may be just what you need.
I said that -- "I can't do it!" I thought I was logical. I said "I'm not making any progress; if I were I could do it. But I'm not. So it is logical to want to go to the hospital and get help. I am nowhere near transition." My husband and midwives had a little pow-wow in another room that I learned about later, where he told them I didn't mean it (although I did, the idea of actually having to pack a bag, get in a car, and then be away from my home and my daughter for a day seemed overwhelming and wrong) and then he coaxed me into the pool we'd set up. It turned out I entered transition right after that and my son was born only an hour or so later. It is important to let people help you! And listen to them even if you don't really want to!
Finally, READ everything you can. Read birth stories. Talk to other people who've had home births. Talk to midwives (even if you aren't totally sold on the idea). Write down all your thoughts and fears (I did). Read books on natural child birth and relaxation techniques. Learn all you can about birthing naturally, and it may put your fears at ease. Honestly, having given birth both in a hospital with an epidural, and at home with no drugs, I would have a baby at home tomorrow (even though I am tired right now...I would STILL be happy to be in labor, to be in pain, to be exhausted again...because it is amazing!). I would be eager, and excited to do it. Really! But I would never want to do it in a hospital again. I can't wait until I have another baby, at home.
Here are a few resources for you:
In His Hands (birth supplies; we ordered mine from them)
Mama Goddess (birth supplies)
Your Water Birth (water birthing supplies)
Home Birth Forum (at mothering.com)
Johanna's Birth Story (at Keeper of the Home)
Home Birth Stories
Birth Stories
I have two more exciting things to tell you!
In the next few months, I'd love to post encouraging, natural birth stories. If you would like to submit yours (they don't have to be home births, but drug-free please), email it to me (leave a comment with your email, which will be hidden, and I'll send you my email then). I think we all need that encouragement!
Also, I am currently working on a cookbook that will feature Real Food recipes and cooking tips for cooks new to cooking and Real Foods. The sales from this book will benefit women who do not have the means to pay for midwives and doulas and other alternative birth care. Most of this will be going to CHOICE (these are the midwives I used). So, look for more details on this book and please consider buying one to support this worthy organization! The book will come in January, and there is a true need for money to support this type of organization right now. More on why in a couple weeks.
Where did you have your babies? Were you satisfied with your experience? Have you had a home birth or would you consider one?
Please visit our new site, ModernAlternativeMama.com.
Comments on this post have been locked and updates are no longer being made to this page. Please click here to view this article on the new site.
**Note: Homebirth is a beautiful and SAFE experience for babies everywhere. Babies used to be born at home and still should be. The U.S. has the highest rate of interventions of any developed country -- AND the highest infant mortality rate. Parenting is all about choosing what is best for your baby and home birth, for many moms, is it. Even if you would not be comfortable at home, and would not choose home birth, please don't insult the moms who do. They have carefully studied their options (no matter what their age) and have chosen what is absolutely best for them. Please be respectful in your comments even if you disagree. **
If you've read Daniel's birth story at the beginning of this blog, you already know he was born at home. So, clearly, I am pro-home birth. But why? Why would someone choose to have a home birth? Is it safe? Where would you find attendants? There is a lot to consider when you are thinking about having a home birth.
First of all, you should birth where you are most comfortable. For some people, that truly is the hospital, because they feel too nervous about the "what ifs" involved in childbirth and/or they like an environment where they really don't have to worry about anything, they are taken care of. But for a lot of people, home is the most comfortable environment, because home is what is familiar. For those women, they should be able to birth at home, and should have access to midwives so they can do so safely (I'll be discussing the issues surrounding midwives and home births from a legal standpoint in another post).
If you are considering a home birth, the first thing you should do is find a qualified midwife. This does NOT necessarily mean a nurse-midwife; there are also certified professional midwives. In some states CPMs are legal, and in others (including here), they aren't. If you ask around, you'll probably find the same few names coming up over and over. There's a community of "natural" parents, including home-birthers, in every major area. Some are luckier than others though! You can also look at DONA or NACPM (National Association of Certified Professional Midwives), or NARM (North American Registry of Midwives).
Sit down with the midwife you've chosen and ask LOTS of questions. Here is a brief of things you really must ask, but add to this list anything you're wondering about, including your attitudes towards birth, fears, desires, etc.
1) How much training have you had? Do you have any certifications? Which?
2) How long have you been a midwife?
3) How many babies have you delivered?
4) What are your birth statistics (inc. hospital transfers and reasons why, any maternal/neonatal deaths and causes, average birth weight, c-sections, etc.)?
5) Have you ever had any unusual birth situations (cord prolapse, unknown breech, etc.)? How did you handle them?
6) How and why do you recommend a woman to go the hospital? What happens if I need to go?
7) What happens if you are unavailable for my birth? Do you have a back up?
8) What is your philosophy on birth?
9) What is your role in my birth? How much control will I have? What about writing a birth plan?
10) Do you do water births? Hypnobirths? (Or any other type you want)
11) What happens in an emergency, if we can't drive to the hospital? Are you trained in CPR or other resuscitation? Do you bring any equipment with you?
12) What do I need to supply for the birth?
13) Do you have any reference families I can contact?
14) How often will I see you? Will you do prenatal care for me?
15) Do you use a back-up doctor or do you recommend I see one? If so, who?
16) If I need to go to the hospital, do you recommend a particular one?
17) Do you do any routine testing or exams? What type?
18) Do you have any limits on who can attend my birth? If so, why?
19) At what point do you consider me full term? What if I go into labor early?
20) Is there anything else I need to know about home birth or you?
Make sure that you get a sense of your midwife's attitude towards birth. Hopefully, you will find one who is very open to your ideas and wishes in birthing, is well-trained in CPR and resuscitations, can do basic prenatal care, is cautious and willing to refer you to a doctor at any point if you become high-risk or if there are any problems or concerns at all (from either of you). The midwife should be willing to allow whoever you want at the birth, be certified and well-trained (having attended no fewer than 30 births, which should occur during training). The midwife should carry equipment with her in case of emergency (oxygen) and be familiar with what to do for cord prolapse, hemmorhage, etc. She should do routine testing for hemoglobin levels, and for protein/sugar in your urine, but most other testing is unnecessary. Although, she should know where to go in case you would prefer to do other testing and be willing to work with you on that. She should not perform internal exams up until labor unless there is a problem, in which case she should probably refer you to a doctor. She should recommend a particular doctor(s) and hospital in case of emergency, and officially say a back up doctor is fine, even if she does not require you to have one. The most important thing is that you feel comfortable with her, and feel that she is trained, can handle your birth and any complications (hoping for none) and that her attitude and philosophy meshes well with yours.
In some states, if the midwives are legal, they will be able to actually attend your birth in a hospital, if you require transfer. In others, where midwives are NOT legal, they will function as a doula or labor coach in the event of a transfer. This is still desirable because midwives can discuss options with the doctors and advocate for you. This way if the doctor says "You really need..." your midwife, who is experienced, can advise you on whether that treatment is really necessary (in many cases it will be, because you don't go to the hospital from a planned homebirth for no reason, but still, it's good to have a midwife to help you sort through your options). It is also important to note that some midwives consider you full term at 36 weeks; others at 37. Most will not attend a birth prior to whatever they consider full term, and will send you straight to the hospital for any premature labor.
You should see a midwife as often as you would otherwise see a doctor. That is, monthly from 8 - 28 weeks, bi-weekly from 28 - 36 weeks, and weekly from 36 weeks - birth. You should also have a home visit from your midwife around 36 or 37 weeks, so that she knows how to get to you, and so that she can verify that you have all your homebirth supplies and that you are ready. Because after this point, you could go into labor at any time!
At each midwife appointment, you should meet for a full hour, or at least a half hour. The appointments shouldn't be 5 - 10 minutes like a doctor's, because your midwife should spend time getting to know you, your husband, your children (if any), and to learn as much as she can about what you are looking for in your pregnancy and birth experience. Early in your care, your midwife should take a detailed history on you. If you have any previous obstetrical history, your midwife should ask you about it in detail. She should also ask about your mother and sisters. If you have had any previous complications, your midwife will want to know what, and why. For example, if you've had a previous c-section for a breech baby, this is unlikely to occur again and is not a concern. But if you've had preeclampsia in the past, this is a concern and could disqualify you from home birth. In general, your midwife should screen you early in your pregnancy to see if you are a good candidate for home birth. The following may disqualify you:
*A complicated gynecological history (frequently missed periods for no reason, PCOS, etc.)
*Multiple miscarriages
*History pre-term labor
*History of pre-eclampsia or HELLP syndrome
*Uncontrolled or difficult diabetes
*History of gestational diabetes
*History of c-sections for circumstances likely to repeat
*Previous hemorrhage
*History of neonatal complications
*Any indications of high-risk pregnancy (multiple miscarriage scares, bleeding, unusual cramping, threatened pre-term labor, etc.)
*Multiple pregnancy (twins, triplets)
Some midwives will disqualify you just for having diabetes, including gestational, or any c-sections (they don't want to attend a VBAC). You may also get disqualified late in pregnancy due to a breech baby (though some will keep seeing you in case the baby turns). Some will attempt a twin birth at home, but it depends on the position of the twins near term; most won't attempt higher multiples at home. It's possible that, if you have a history with this midwife, she will care for you even with some problems because she knows your history, whereas she would not take you on as a new client. If you are potentially high-risk, the midwife should recommend that you see a doctor in addition, so that you can transfer your care if necessary.
At each appointment, you should discuss any problems, questions, or concerns that you have. Your midwife should weigh you, or at least ask if you've weighed yourself (this is more important towards the end of your pregnancy, because a rapid weight gain can signal the beginning of pre-eclampsia. Some women do not want to be weighed in the first half of their pregnancy, and in healthy women, this can be okay -- ask). Your midwife should also take a look at your diet and advise you on how you can eat better for your baby (she should recommend 80 - 100 grams of protein per day, among other things). Your midwife may recommend a particular "pregnancy tea" (containing oatstraw, red raspberry leaf, alfalfa, and other herbs) and possibly a prenatal vitamin. If your hemoglobin is low (below 12), she may recommend spirulina to bring it up. Your midwife should also do prenatal care: listen for baby's heart tones (with a doppler or fetoscope), feel for baby's position, and after 20 weeks, measure fundal height. Your midwife should also have you check for any protein or sugar in your urine, and if any is found, follow up with further testing (it can be a sign of gestational diabetes or preeclampsia). Some midwives will also have you test your blood sugar at home for a week while eating normal meals (and will advise you on the proper way to do this testing) to determine if you are at risk or showing signs of gestational diabetes, and will recommend follow-up testing if necessary, or perhaps a diet change. The ACOG now says that for women with no history of diabetes who are under 25, no glucose testing is necessary anyway.
Your midwife will also attempt to assess your ideas, thoughts, and feelings about birth and all related issues. This means if you are a victim of abuse (sexual or otherwise), your midwife will attempt to discuss this, work through it with you, and refer you to a counselor if necessary. If there are family members or friends putting pressure on you because they do not agree with your choices, she will discuss this with you too.
Your midwife should also give you her immediate contact information: phone number and email (preferably cell phone) so that if you have an emergency, or if the baby is coming, you can call her and reach her immediately. This is IMPORTANT. I have heard many stories of people I know personally, just in the last few months, of having their babies in 15 min. - 2 hours after the first contraction, and in many cases, the midwife didn't even make it! For this reason, you and your husband should also attend a birthing class (your midwife should recommend one, and/or teach you this information) to learn how to deliver a baby, just in case you are alone when the baby comes.
You will also need to buy birthing supplies. Many midwives will put together birthing kits that you can buy directly from them, or from a source they will provide you. You are also able to go and buy your own supplies. A basic list includes:
*Chux pads, large and small (20 - 30)
*Latex gloves
*A birthing pool with liner (if desired)
*Several towels, sterilized (your midwife should tell you how, but seal them in a paper bag and bake for 2 - 3 hours at 200 degrees)
*Baby hat
*Nasal aspirator
*Peri bottle(s)
*Sterilized washcloths and hot water in a crockpot (for perineum compresses)
*Ice packs (for after)
*Mattress pads
*Large trash bags
*Cord tape
*Straws
*Juice/cereal to snack on
*Large bowls (for placenta, and in case you get sick)
*Pads for after the birth (like menstrual pads, but big)
Your midwife may have a different list of supplies. She may also require additional items that you already have around the home (extra sheets for your bed, blankets to wrap the baby in, etc.). It is important to gather ALL the supplies that your midwife requests, organize and label them, and have them in the room you intend to birth at least 4 weeks before your due date. You may also choose to have additional supplies that you want: camera or video camera, special outfit/diaper for after birth, music to play, candles to light, massage oil, birthing ball, special outfit for you, etc. Select all these in advance and put them near your birthing supplies. If you want certain pictures, make sure you have someone who is NOT coaching you who can take them, and that they understand what you do -- and DON'T -- want pictures of (i.e. "don't take a picture of me naked!" or "don't get the head crowning!" etc.). It may be a good idea to invite someone you trust just to take pictures, if this is important to you.
If you want a birthing tub, you can rent one (usually around $200). This is fine...but you can also buy one. There are pools from $30 - $1200. We bought a kiddie pool called the Aquarium pool for $30 and it was just fine. It was strong, had 3 separate inflatable rings (important, so you can adjust the height as necessary) and the sides were strong enough to lean/lay on. The pool should be 22 - 28" deep, and it depends on your height. The size of the pool matters, too, depending on whether you want your husband in with you. 6 ft. in diameter should be big enough for a second person, but talk to your midwife about specific recommendations or ask others who've had water births.
If you have older children, you must decide whether or not they will attend the birth. If the birth occurs at night, a lot of people will let their children sleep; if you have children who are much older (7 or so), they may want to be woken for the birth. It is a good idea to have a helper for the child(ren) who can be present for the birth if the child(ren) wants to be, but is willing to leave if not. We called our friend, Lindsey, to come and watch Bekah during Daniel's birth, which worked out for the best. Next time we will probably allow her to watch -- if she wants to. Some children really just want to be with their mothers and observing the birth is in everyone's best interests; it can also foster a strong bond between siblings. However, some children are a distraction or cannot stand to see their mother in pain and do not want to witness the birth. Either way, children can come back as soon as the baby is born and meet their new sibling in the first moments of his/her life, which is equally special. This is an issue you should discuss thoroughly with your midwife, but remember to be flexible. We had assumed Bekah WOULD want to witness the birth because we thought if she were downstairs and knew I was nearby, she would throw a fit about not getting to be with me. But it turned out she was quite happy to play with friends, and much fussier and clingier when she was with me (which I didn't need right then!).
It's important to note that, in labor, you will probably have a point where you say "I can't do this anymore!" If you MEAN it, your support people should be willing to take you to the hospital, even if nothing is really wrong (you are just exhausted). But be aware that nearly every woman says this, and it means you are either in transition or right around the corner from it. Also, no matter how logical you think you are at this point, you are not. Trust your support people and if they try to convince you to stay home, and talk you through a few more contractions, give it a shot. It may be just what you need.
I said that -- "I can't do it!" I thought I was logical. I said "I'm not making any progress; if I were I could do it. But I'm not. So it is logical to want to go to the hospital and get help. I am nowhere near transition." My husband and midwives had a little pow-wow in another room that I learned about later, where he told them I didn't mean it (although I did, the idea of actually having to pack a bag, get in a car, and then be away from my home and my daughter for a day seemed overwhelming and wrong) and then he coaxed me into the pool we'd set up. It turned out I entered transition right after that and my son was born only an hour or so later. It is important to let people help you! And listen to them even if you don't really want to!
Finally, READ everything you can. Read birth stories. Talk to other people who've had home births. Talk to midwives (even if you aren't totally sold on the idea). Write down all your thoughts and fears (I did). Read books on natural child birth and relaxation techniques. Learn all you can about birthing naturally, and it may put your fears at ease. Honestly, having given birth both in a hospital with an epidural, and at home with no drugs, I would have a baby at home tomorrow (even though I am tired right now...I would STILL be happy to be in labor, to be in pain, to be exhausted again...because it is amazing!). I would be eager, and excited to do it. Really! But I would never want to do it in a hospital again. I can't wait until I have another baby, at home.
Here are a few resources for you:
In His Hands (birth supplies; we ordered mine from them)
Mama Goddess (birth supplies)
Your Water Birth (water birthing supplies)
Home Birth Forum (at mothering.com)
Johanna's Birth Story (at Keeper of the Home)
Home Birth Stories
Birth Stories
I have two more exciting things to tell you!
In the next few months, I'd love to post encouraging, natural birth stories. If you would like to submit yours (they don't have to be home births, but drug-free please), email it to me (leave a comment with your email, which will be hidden, and I'll send you my email then). I think we all need that encouragement!
Also, I am currently working on a cookbook that will feature Real Food recipes and cooking tips for cooks new to cooking and Real Foods. The sales from this book will benefit women who do not have the means to pay for midwives and doulas and other alternative birth care. Most of this will be going to CHOICE (these are the midwives I used). So, look for more details on this book and please consider buying one to support this worthy organization! The book will come in January, and there is a true need for money to support this type of organization right now. More on why in a couple weeks.
Where did you have your babies? Were you satisfied with your experience? Have you had a home birth or would you consider one?
Friday, December 18, 2009
Extended and Tandem Breastfeeding
**We've moved!!**
Please visit our new site, ModernAlternativeMama.com.
Comments on this post have been locked and updates are no longer being made to this page. Please click here to view this article on the new site.
As some of you may have gathered from previous posts (or know, if you know me in "real life"), we practice extended breastfeeding (beyond age 1) and child-led weaning. Bekah, 22 months, is still breastfeeding. We believe that children will wean when they are ready to do so, and should not be forced or even heavily encouraged to do so. Since we also have Daniel, who is of course nursing, we are doing what is called "tandem nursing," which is when two children of different ages are both breastfeeding at the same time.
There are many benefits to both practices -- extended nursing and tandem nursing. I'll start with a few here:
*Emotional Benefits: Kids have an emotional need to be close to their mothers, and some fulfill this by nursing. It's often observed that even non-nursing kids will snuggle against their mothers' breasts and seem to draw comfort there. Some older babies and toddlers will attempt to latch onto their mothers even if they didn't nurse. It seems to be biologically programmed for children to nurse and seek comfort that way.
*Discipline/tantrum benefits: There is no better way to get a toddler over a tantrum than to nurse. A toddler having a tantrum is completely out of control and totally overemotional. Nursing calms them and brings them back to equilibrium. Bekah can be crying constantly, unable to talk to me and out of control (and no amount of cuddling with either of us will help), but she'll nurse for five minutes and be completely fine again.
*Nutritional benefits: Toddlers are notoriously picky eaters. Even the ones who aren't picky are often too busy to eat sometimes and don't always get a good variety. If they are nursing, they are getting the proper balance of nutrients and fat and whatever else they eat is fine. That is, if they have days where they don't eat well, it isn't really a concern (obviously toddlers should be eating a varied diet of solids, assuming no medical issues). The content of the milk actually changes as the toddlers age, so it is perfect for them always!
*Bonding benefits: Sharing nursing times with siblings can be a very bonding experience. Siblings have been known to curl around each other, hold hands, stare at each other, etc. The older sibling doesn't need to feel pushed away, like only mommy and baby have that special time; the older sibling is included too.
*Health benefits for mom: Two years or more of breastfeeding, lifetime (not necessarily consecutively) has been shown to reduce the rates of breast and ovarian cancer and provide many other health benefits. Breastfeeding also helps moms to lose pregnancy weight.
There are many other benefits but those are just some major ones.
According to the CDC, in the U.S., 17% of babies are breastfed at 1 year, and almost 6% are still breastfeeding at 18 months (in 2003). Data past this age was not available (70% start initially, for reference). In a study that looked at parents who practice attachment parenting in particular (as we do), 83% were breastfeeding at 1 year, 66% at 2 years, and 44% at 3 years (this doesn't surprise me, as among my friends, you are "weird" if you wean your kid before age 2). So, clearly a subset of the population nurses their kids quite a long time!
I began breastfeeding with the intention of making it to one year -- which sometimes seemed very, very far away. At that time I read about extended nursing and tandem nursing but I just didn't think I could do it. However, what I didn't understand then was that I wouldn't be nursing "a toddler," but I would be nursing MY toddler! Once Bekah was a year, neither of us was at all ready to stop, and I was already pregnant with Daniel. We kept going, and have decided on baby-led weaning (which I'll discuss in a moment). Of course, with Daniel's arrival, we began tandem nursing. He is 5 months now and our nursing relationship is smooth. I feed Daniel (he is still exclusively breastfed; we will start baby-led solids when he is older) every 2 -3 hours, and Bekah nurses typically 3 - 4 times per day (morning, before nap, before bed, if she wakes at night or if she is upset during the day).
Child- or baby-led weaning means that the child chooses when to stop nursing, with no pressure from the parents. This doesn't mean there is NO communication about nursing, of course. Many toddlers start doing acrobatics while nursing (they enjoy standing on their heads, sitting facing you, twisting and turning, etc.) and asking to nurse by pulling up your shirt. At this point, toddlers are taught nursing manners: they are not allowed to nurse if they do any acrobatics, and they need to find a more appropriate way to ask to nurse (such as saying "milk" or another keyword, or signing "milk"). It's best, of course, if the keyword is neutral, not like "boobie!" because your child WILL yell it out in public sometimes. :) After age 1, nursing is really a give-and-take relationship. The mother can feel free to tell the child to wait if they are out, or she is busy, and can offer a substitute for nursing (cuddles, a story, a snack, etc.). If a child bites or doesn't mind his/her nursing manners, s/he may be asked to stop immediately. There is no concern about him/her getting "enough milk" as a toddler (barring allergies or health concerns, of course), so nursing sessions are primarily about comfort.
Many children go through a nursing "lull" around a year old. They lose interest because they are so focused on learning to walk, talk, etc. Some babies will actually self-wean at this point, and refuse to nurse anymore at all. Others will pick up more again after they've achieved their developmental milestone. Once they pick up, many toddlers need to nurse very often (3 - 6 times per day) throughout their second year. Between 2 and 3, many toddlers slow down again and several wean. Some children continue to nurse through their third and fourth years, and some as long as school age, although this is rare. Children who DO nurse past their third year often only nurse if they are sick, upset, etc. and this may be as infrequent as once a month. It is typically not a daily or multiple times a day thing anymore past the third year. There are always exceptions, but it is typical to nurse infrequently at an older age.
In a lot of cases, children nurse so infrequently at an older age that a parent will not notice they have weaned until they look back and realize it's been several weeks since the child's last nursing session. After a few months of not nursing, children will forget how to latch. Children also often lose the ability to latch around age 7 or so. A very good resource on the natural weaning age and how weaning occurs is Kathy Dettwyler's work (she is an anthropologist who has thoroughly studied the subject). I won't go into it in too much more detail because her work is really great, and that link is only a couple pages long, so click it to learn more.
A lot of people have misconceptions about extended and tandem nursing, which I'll try to clear up here:
*Older children nurse as often as babies -- Nope! Many older children only nurse once a day, or even just a couple times a week. Some nurse even less frequently than this.
*Older children will nurse during school; their mother will have to come at lunch time or recess -- Sorry! Most children over age 2 or 3 nurse only at home, and again, probably not very often. Their mothers certainly don't go to school to nurse them.
*Children need to stop nursing to learn to eat "proper" food and drink from a cup -- Not true! Most children learn to use a cup and eat adult food between 6 and 12 months, just like their non-nursing peers, and after age 1 get most of their food from solids and cups. Nursing doesn't mean they don't learn to get nutrition from other sources. After age 1, nursing is mainly (though not entirely) for comfort.
*Children will NEVER wean without their parents' encouragement -- Ever heard of a nursing teenager? It just doesn't happen. When a child outgrows the need to nurse, they will stop. This varies by child; some are actually under a year, while some are 7 or 8. But they will ALL eventually stop with no encouragement.
*Breastmilk doesn't provide any nutritional benefit after 1 year -- False. The milk changes as the child changes and is always perfect. It continues to provide the proper balance of fat and calories, as well as other nutrients, to fill in what the child may not be getting during their picky eating phases.
*Moms practice extended breastfeeding more for their own benefit; they don't want to let their babies grow up -- No way. Children nurse because THEY want to. They can't be forced to do so. Many mothers even grow weary of nursing after awhile, but remain committed to child-led weaning, even if they put some restrictions on nursing (i.e. "only before bed and upon waking"). The entire practice is geared towards meeting a child's needs, not an adult's.
*Nursing will teach children to seek food for comfort -- Nope. A person who uses food as comfort does so in lieu of a more appropriate source, like a friend or spouse or even writing in a journal. Nursing is a time of cuddling with mommy, having mommy's full attention, an intimate moment. The food is secondary, and a distant second at that. Mommy's attention is what matters most. Eventually, when the child weans, he will seek hugs and cuddles and closeness with his mother, not a separate source of food. Nursing a child just isn't the same as saying "Here, eat this piece of candy and stop crying."
*Breastmilk/feeding doesn't provide any other benefit after 1 year -- Sure it does! The many immune benefits continue for as long as nursing does (although the benefits have not been studied beyond age 2). Comfort continues, too. Nursing is a great parenting tool, because it can end tantrums quickly and make sick children feel better. In fact, sometimes breastmilk is the only food a sick child can tolerate.
*Children need to learn to seek comfort away from the breast in order to mature -- Yes, but it's not that simple. Children who are nursing do seek comfort in other ways, too. A child doesn't nurse EVERY time he is upset. Perhaps he needs to sometimes, but other times is satisfied with a kiss, a hug, a cuddle. Nursing is only ONE way that a child seeks comfort, and sometimes it is the most effective way. For example, if a child is devastated, beyond control, nursing can restore equilibrium in a matter of minutes instead of needing an hour to calm down. Children don't need to give up nursing to learn that comfort can be had in other ways too.
*Children who nurse past 1 are dependent and babyish -- Nope! Have you ever met one? Most children who are nursing are VERY confident and independent. They know that their need for cuddling and loving are being met, so they feel quite assured. They often enjoy new people and experiences because they are securely attached to their parents. It is children who are NOT securely attached who have issues with dependence because their needs are not being met.
Extended and tandem nursing is not for everyone, but it is a really great experience. Mothers feel very close to and in tune with their children, and their children feel securely attached to their mothers and very confident. I couldn't parent without it.
How do you feel about extended and tandem nursing? Have you ever done it? Do you have any other myths you'd like cleared up, or questions you'd like to ask?
Please visit our new site, ModernAlternativeMama.com.
Comments on this post have been locked and updates are no longer being made to this page. Please click here to view this article on the new site.
As some of you may have gathered from previous posts (or know, if you know me in "real life"), we practice extended breastfeeding (beyond age 1) and child-led weaning. Bekah, 22 months, is still breastfeeding. We believe that children will wean when they are ready to do so, and should not be forced or even heavily encouraged to do so. Since we also have Daniel, who is of course nursing, we are doing what is called "tandem nursing," which is when two children of different ages are both breastfeeding at the same time.
There are many benefits to both practices -- extended nursing and tandem nursing. I'll start with a few here:
*Emotional Benefits: Kids have an emotional need to be close to their mothers, and some fulfill this by nursing. It's often observed that even non-nursing kids will snuggle against their mothers' breasts and seem to draw comfort there. Some older babies and toddlers will attempt to latch onto their mothers even if they didn't nurse. It seems to be biologically programmed for children to nurse and seek comfort that way.
*Discipline/tantrum benefits: There is no better way to get a toddler over a tantrum than to nurse. A toddler having a tantrum is completely out of control and totally overemotional. Nursing calms them and brings them back to equilibrium. Bekah can be crying constantly, unable to talk to me and out of control (and no amount of cuddling with either of us will help), but she'll nurse for five minutes and be completely fine again.
*Nutritional benefits: Toddlers are notoriously picky eaters. Even the ones who aren't picky are often too busy to eat sometimes and don't always get a good variety. If they are nursing, they are getting the proper balance of nutrients and fat and whatever else they eat is fine. That is, if they have days where they don't eat well, it isn't really a concern (obviously toddlers should be eating a varied diet of solids, assuming no medical issues). The content of the milk actually changes as the toddlers age, so it is perfect for them always!
*Bonding benefits: Sharing nursing times with siblings can be a very bonding experience. Siblings have been known to curl around each other, hold hands, stare at each other, etc. The older sibling doesn't need to feel pushed away, like only mommy and baby have that special time; the older sibling is included too.
*Health benefits for mom: Two years or more of breastfeeding, lifetime (not necessarily consecutively) has been shown to reduce the rates of breast and ovarian cancer and provide many other health benefits. Breastfeeding also helps moms to lose pregnancy weight.
There are many other benefits but those are just some major ones.
According to the CDC, in the U.S., 17% of babies are breastfed at 1 year, and almost 6% are still breastfeeding at 18 months (in 2003). Data past this age was not available (70% start initially, for reference). In a study that looked at parents who practice attachment parenting in particular (as we do), 83% were breastfeeding at 1 year, 66% at 2 years, and 44% at 3 years (this doesn't surprise me, as among my friends, you are "weird" if you wean your kid before age 2). So, clearly a subset of the population nurses their kids quite a long time!
I began breastfeeding with the intention of making it to one year -- which sometimes seemed very, very far away. At that time I read about extended nursing and tandem nursing but I just didn't think I could do it. However, what I didn't understand then was that I wouldn't be nursing "a toddler," but I would be nursing MY toddler! Once Bekah was a year, neither of us was at all ready to stop, and I was already pregnant with Daniel. We kept going, and have decided on baby-led weaning (which I'll discuss in a moment). Of course, with Daniel's arrival, we began tandem nursing. He is 5 months now and our nursing relationship is smooth. I feed Daniel (he is still exclusively breastfed; we will start baby-led solids when he is older) every 2 -3 hours, and Bekah nurses typically 3 - 4 times per day (morning, before nap, before bed, if she wakes at night or if she is upset during the day).
Child- or baby-led weaning means that the child chooses when to stop nursing, with no pressure from the parents. This doesn't mean there is NO communication about nursing, of course. Many toddlers start doing acrobatics while nursing (they enjoy standing on their heads, sitting facing you, twisting and turning, etc.) and asking to nurse by pulling up your shirt. At this point, toddlers are taught nursing manners: they are not allowed to nurse if they do any acrobatics, and they need to find a more appropriate way to ask to nurse (such as saying "milk" or another keyword, or signing "milk"). It's best, of course, if the keyword is neutral, not like "boobie!" because your child WILL yell it out in public sometimes. :) After age 1, nursing is really a give-and-take relationship. The mother can feel free to tell the child to wait if they are out, or she is busy, and can offer a substitute for nursing (cuddles, a story, a snack, etc.). If a child bites or doesn't mind his/her nursing manners, s/he may be asked to stop immediately. There is no concern about him/her getting "enough milk" as a toddler (barring allergies or health concerns, of course), so nursing sessions are primarily about comfort.
Many children go through a nursing "lull" around a year old. They lose interest because they are so focused on learning to walk, talk, etc. Some babies will actually self-wean at this point, and refuse to nurse anymore at all. Others will pick up more again after they've achieved their developmental milestone. Once they pick up, many toddlers need to nurse very often (3 - 6 times per day) throughout their second year. Between 2 and 3, many toddlers slow down again and several wean. Some children continue to nurse through their third and fourth years, and some as long as school age, although this is rare. Children who DO nurse past their third year often only nurse if they are sick, upset, etc. and this may be as infrequent as once a month. It is typically not a daily or multiple times a day thing anymore past the third year. There are always exceptions, but it is typical to nurse infrequently at an older age.
In a lot of cases, children nurse so infrequently at an older age that a parent will not notice they have weaned until they look back and realize it's been several weeks since the child's last nursing session. After a few months of not nursing, children will forget how to latch. Children also often lose the ability to latch around age 7 or so. A very good resource on the natural weaning age and how weaning occurs is Kathy Dettwyler's work (she is an anthropologist who has thoroughly studied the subject). I won't go into it in too much more detail because her work is really great, and that link is only a couple pages long, so click it to learn more.
A lot of people have misconceptions about extended and tandem nursing, which I'll try to clear up here:
*Older children nurse as often as babies -- Nope! Many older children only nurse once a day, or even just a couple times a week. Some nurse even less frequently than this.
*Older children will nurse during school; their mother will have to come at lunch time or recess -- Sorry! Most children over age 2 or 3 nurse only at home, and again, probably not very often. Their mothers certainly don't go to school to nurse them.
*Children need to stop nursing to learn to eat "proper" food and drink from a cup -- Not true! Most children learn to use a cup and eat adult food between 6 and 12 months, just like their non-nursing peers, and after age 1 get most of their food from solids and cups. Nursing doesn't mean they don't learn to get nutrition from other sources. After age 1, nursing is mainly (though not entirely) for comfort.
*Children will NEVER wean without their parents' encouragement -- Ever heard of a nursing teenager? It just doesn't happen. When a child outgrows the need to nurse, they will stop. This varies by child; some are actually under a year, while some are 7 or 8. But they will ALL eventually stop with no encouragement.
*Breastmilk doesn't provide any nutritional benefit after 1 year -- False. The milk changes as the child changes and is always perfect. It continues to provide the proper balance of fat and calories, as well as other nutrients, to fill in what the child may not be getting during their picky eating phases.
*Moms practice extended breastfeeding more for their own benefit; they don't want to let their babies grow up -- No way. Children nurse because THEY want to. They can't be forced to do so. Many mothers even grow weary of nursing after awhile, but remain committed to child-led weaning, even if they put some restrictions on nursing (i.e. "only before bed and upon waking"). The entire practice is geared towards meeting a child's needs, not an adult's.
*Nursing will teach children to seek food for comfort -- Nope. A person who uses food as comfort does so in lieu of a more appropriate source, like a friend or spouse or even writing in a journal. Nursing is a time of cuddling with mommy, having mommy's full attention, an intimate moment. The food is secondary, and a distant second at that. Mommy's attention is what matters most. Eventually, when the child weans, he will seek hugs and cuddles and closeness with his mother, not a separate source of food. Nursing a child just isn't the same as saying "Here, eat this piece of candy and stop crying."
*Breastmilk/feeding doesn't provide any other benefit after 1 year -- Sure it does! The many immune benefits continue for as long as nursing does (although the benefits have not been studied beyond age 2). Comfort continues, too. Nursing is a great parenting tool, because it can end tantrums quickly and make sick children feel better. In fact, sometimes breastmilk is the only food a sick child can tolerate.
*Children need to learn to seek comfort away from the breast in order to mature -- Yes, but it's not that simple. Children who are nursing do seek comfort in other ways, too. A child doesn't nurse EVERY time he is upset. Perhaps he needs to sometimes, but other times is satisfied with a kiss, a hug, a cuddle. Nursing is only ONE way that a child seeks comfort, and sometimes it is the most effective way. For example, if a child is devastated, beyond control, nursing can restore equilibrium in a matter of minutes instead of needing an hour to calm down. Children don't need to give up nursing to learn that comfort can be had in other ways too.
*Children who nurse past 1 are dependent and babyish -- Nope! Have you ever met one? Most children who are nursing are VERY confident and independent. They know that their need for cuddling and loving are being met, so they feel quite assured. They often enjoy new people and experiences because they are securely attached to their parents. It is children who are NOT securely attached who have issues with dependence because their needs are not being met.
Extended and tandem nursing is not for everyone, but it is a really great experience. Mothers feel very close to and in tune with their children, and their children feel securely attached to their mothers and very confident. I couldn't parent without it.
How do you feel about extended and tandem nursing? Have you ever done it? Do you have any other myths you'd like cleared up, or questions you'd like to ask?
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Homemade Diaper Rash Cream
**We've moved!!**
Please visit our new site, ModernAlternativeMama.com.
Comments on this post have been locked and updates are no longer being made to this page. Please click here to view this article on the new site.
**This post has been entered in Things I Love Thursdays, because I really do love how well this cream works!!**
In my search to clear Bekah's diaper rash, I decided that I didn't really like any commercial products. They have too many ingredients in them and most are more of a barrier product than a healing product. I do like Burt's Bees and it's what I use if I have to use a commercial product, but I was pretty sure I could do better.
I researched the healing powers of many different ingredients. Both shea butter and sweet almond oil are known to heal and moisturize the skin. Comfrey and calendula are also known to heal the skin. Lavender oil is antibacterial (and smells nice), so this actually helps to "cure" the rash (Bekah's was bacterial). Coconut oil, too, is antibacterial and also soothing to the skin. Anything made by bees -- pollen, wax, honey -- is healing and antibacterial. All together, it makes the perfect rash cream!
Ingredients:
1/4 c. spring water
1 tbsp. comfrey leaves
2 tbsp. calendula flowers
1 tbsp. raw shea butter
1 tbsp. raw coconut oil
1 tbsp. beeswax
3 tbsp. sweet almond oil
10 drops essential oil
1 4-0z. glass jar with lid
Directions:
Mix 1/4 cup spring water with 1 tbsp. comfrey leaves and 2 tbsp. calendula. Simmer gently for 10 - 15 min. Strain, reserving the water.
In a double boiler (I used one pan in another, the bottom one filled with water), melt 1 tbsp. raw shea butter, 1 tbsp. beeswax, 1 tbsp. coconut oil, 3 tbsp. sweet almond oil, and add 2 tbsp. of the herbal liquid. Stir all together until everything is completely melted. Add 10 drops of essential oil (I used lavender but plan to experiment with others soon). Pour into a very clean 4 oz. glass jar. Allow to cool, then use like normal diaper cream.
Please visit our new site, ModernAlternativeMama.com.
Comments on this post have been locked and updates are no longer being made to this page. Please click here to view this article on the new site.
**This post has been entered in Things I Love Thursdays, because I really do love how well this cream works!!**
In my search to clear Bekah's diaper rash, I decided that I didn't really like any commercial products. They have too many ingredients in them and most are more of a barrier product than a healing product. I do like Burt's Bees and it's what I use if I have to use a commercial product, but I was pretty sure I could do better.
I researched the healing powers of many different ingredients. Both shea butter and sweet almond oil are known to heal and moisturize the skin. Comfrey and calendula are also known to heal the skin. Lavender oil is antibacterial (and smells nice), so this actually helps to "cure" the rash (Bekah's was bacterial). Coconut oil, too, is antibacterial and also soothing to the skin. Anything made by bees -- pollen, wax, honey -- is healing and antibacterial. All together, it makes the perfect rash cream!
Ingredients:
1/4 c. spring water
1 tbsp. comfrey leaves
2 tbsp. calendula flowers
1 tbsp. raw shea butter
1 tbsp. raw coconut oil
1 tbsp. beeswax
3 tbsp. sweet almond oil
10 drops essential oil
1 4-0z. glass jar with lid
Directions:
Mix 1/4 cup spring water with 1 tbsp. comfrey leaves and 2 tbsp. calendula. Simmer gently for 10 - 15 min. Strain, reserving the water.
In a double boiler (I used one pan in another, the bottom one filled with water), melt 1 tbsp. raw shea butter, 1 tbsp. beeswax, 1 tbsp. coconut oil, 3 tbsp. sweet almond oil, and add 2 tbsp. of the herbal liquid. Stir all together until everything is completely melted. Add 10 drops of essential oil (I used lavender but plan to experiment with others soon). Pour into a very clean 4 oz. glass jar. Allow to cool, then use like normal diaper cream.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Teaching Kids about Chores
**We've moved!!**
Please visit our new site, ModernAlternativeMama.com.
Comments on this post have been locked and updates are no longer being made to this page. Please click here to view this article on the new site.
How we're teaching Bekah chores, the ways she helps us, pictures of her helping.
Teaching kids about chores is very important, from a young age. Children must learn personal responsibility and good stewardship as soon as they are able to understand the concepts (which is a lot younger than some of you know). It's extremely important to teach children well so that they grow up responsible, helpful, and generally well-mannered.
Bekah, at 22 months, is already a big help around the house. Most kids, somewhere around 18 months, start a highly imitative phase, and they want to "help" you with everything. Some parents are tempted to brush them off because, yes, it can make your chores take longer to let them help. But it's crucial to let them do so for several reasons.
1) Helping takes advantage of their natural curiosity to learn new skills
Kids really love to learn. That's part of the reason why they start imitating you in the first place. If you can give your child an age-appropriate job whenever possible, your child will be challenged and will continue to learn new skills, and hone existing ones. This is crucial to their development as a productive member of society.
2) Helping teaches them they have a place in the family
In our family, everyone pitches in. No one person is fully responsible for each task. We share the responsibility for what needs done. Giving a young child a chance to help teaches them that they are part of the family and that they need to pitch in, too. Luckily, toddlers are only too eager. Allowing them to help makes them feel grown up and like they are really a part of the family. This will make it easier to teach them more responsibility later, because they'll already understand that all members of the family pitch in, and they'll have experience doing it.
3) Helping validates their autonomy and efforts
Toddlers are not babies, as many are quick to remind you. They want to "do it themselves" very often. Allowing a toddler to do a job makes her feel strong and capable. Our job as parents is to make our toddlers' world a place where they can do much more than they cannot do whenever possible. Allowing the toddler to help reminds her that she is an individual person who can do things for herself.
4) Helping gets them conditioned to doing "chores"
When children are older, we almost universally will ask them to do chores around the house -- their laundry, setting the table, sweeping floors, feeding animals, etc. By allowing them to help now, they are learning about how to do those jobs and what it's like to feel included. If a child grows up "always" having helped, they will be more used to simply doing so when we would choose to assign formal chores, and chores will not seem so overwhelming or unusual.
5) Helping allows them to spend more time with you
When there is a lot to get done (grocery shopping, meal preparation, laundry, etc.) it can be hard to find time to spend with your children. But if you can involve them in what you are doing, you can still spend time with them while you do what you must. You can teach children silly songs about sweeping the floor, play games while stirring cookie dough, count the socks in the laundry, etc. For me personally, this is a huge reason to let Bekah help. I personally find most baby games and toys boring, but I could find ways to let her help me all day long. I love to include her in what I'm doing, so this is a great way to spend time with her that's interesting to both of us.
All that said, how can kids help? It seems like kids as young as 18 months can't really do much. However, I've found that not to be true. My daughter has become VERY helpful, actually, and I mean she actually is helping me, not making things take longer! Here is a list of the types of things very young kids may be able to do (keep in mind your own family situation and your child's abilities; these are the things my daughter does at 22 months):
*Empty plastic or metal items from the dishwasher and put them away in low cabinets or drawers
*Put laundry from the washer into the dryer (handed to child by mom or dad)
*Sweep floors (this needs a LOT of guidance or the dirt just goes everywhere)
*Feed pets (watch carefully, show scoop for food)
*Tear lettuce for salad
*Add chopped vegetables to bowls (teach the child to wait until the knife is done and the vegetables are moved to one side)
*Fold laundry (hand to mom to fold)
*Put laundry away in low drawers/closet
*Remove own clothing and put in laundry basket or hamper
*Pick up toys from the floor and put in bins or toy box
*Give a pacifier or toy back to younger child
*Wipe up spills
*Fetch diapers, blankets, etc. for younger child
*Dump pre-measured foods into a bowl (i.e. parent fills measuring cup, child adds)
*Stir cold foods (cake batter, salads, etc.)
*Harvest from the garden in the summer (teach colors, i.e. "pick the red tomatoes")
There are probably many more ways that I can't think of right now, but Bekah has helped do all of these things at one point or another -- sometimes without my knowledge!
The other week I was emptying the dishwasher and feeling rather annoyed and busy. Bekah came over and wanted to help. (She will sign "help" if she wants to help me.) I said "No, mommy is busy, just let me do it." She completely ignored me. She picked up a cutting board (plastic) and opened up the cabinet it goes in and put it away! Recently she's also learned how to tear the salad leaves into bite-sized pieces, instead of just tearing them in half like she used to. The more she helps, the more she learns about how things are done.
Children -- ALL people -- learn best by DOING. Repetition is key, and observation doesn't hurt. As Bekah observes me doing certain likes (like tearing salad leaves smaller), she practices doing it herself and learns to do it "right." She's also learned to pick up a cutting board and push all the food into a bowl instead of grabbing several handfuls. Her skills will be honed as she does more and more. Whenever possible, I try to give her a job to do. It makes her feel included, and it actually staves off a lot of tantrums that would result from being ignored. It's also setting her up for a future of being responsible.
When our children are older, they'll be expected to pick up after themselves. That is, put their dishes in the dishwasher, clothes in the hamper, toys put away, any messes cleaned up. We already make Bekah clean up her own messes whenever possible, or at least help. We'll also teach them to do all different types of chores. Girls will learn to mow the lawn and do hard labor; boys will learn to cook and sew. By including them in all these types of chores now (Bekah enjoys cooking and pretending to sew just as much as tramping through the garden), we're setting them up to continue helping.
How do you teach your children about chores? At what age did they start helping and what types of things did they do?
If you enjoy this blog, subscribe and have it emailed to you everyday!
Please visit our new site, ModernAlternativeMama.com.
Comments on this post have been locked and updates are no longer being made to this page. Please click here to view this article on the new site.
How we're teaching Bekah chores, the ways she helps us, pictures of her helping.
Teaching kids about chores is very important, from a young age. Children must learn personal responsibility and good stewardship as soon as they are able to understand the concepts (which is a lot younger than some of you know). It's extremely important to teach children well so that they grow up responsible, helpful, and generally well-mannered.
Bekah, at 22 months, is already a big help around the house. Most kids, somewhere around 18 months, start a highly imitative phase, and they want to "help" you with everything. Some parents are tempted to brush them off because, yes, it can make your chores take longer to let them help. But it's crucial to let them do so for several reasons.
1) Helping takes advantage of their natural curiosity to learn new skills
Kids really love to learn. That's part of the reason why they start imitating you in the first place. If you can give your child an age-appropriate job whenever possible, your child will be challenged and will continue to learn new skills, and hone existing ones. This is crucial to their development as a productive member of society.
2) Helping teaches them they have a place in the family
In our family, everyone pitches in. No one person is fully responsible for each task. We share the responsibility for what needs done. Giving a young child a chance to help teaches them that they are part of the family and that they need to pitch in, too. Luckily, toddlers are only too eager. Allowing them to help makes them feel grown up and like they are really a part of the family. This will make it easier to teach them more responsibility later, because they'll already understand that all members of the family pitch in, and they'll have experience doing it.
3) Helping validates their autonomy and efforts
Toddlers are not babies, as many are quick to remind you. They want to "do it themselves" very often. Allowing a toddler to do a job makes her feel strong and capable. Our job as parents is to make our toddlers' world a place where they can do much more than they cannot do whenever possible. Allowing the toddler to help reminds her that she is an individual person who can do things for herself.
4) Helping gets them conditioned to doing "chores"
When children are older, we almost universally will ask them to do chores around the house -- their laundry, setting the table, sweeping floors, feeding animals, etc. By allowing them to help now, they are learning about how to do those jobs and what it's like to feel included. If a child grows up "always" having helped, they will be more used to simply doing so when we would choose to assign formal chores, and chores will not seem so overwhelming or unusual.
5) Helping allows them to spend more time with you
When there is a lot to get done (grocery shopping, meal preparation, laundry, etc.) it can be hard to find time to spend with your children. But if you can involve them in what you are doing, you can still spend time with them while you do what you must. You can teach children silly songs about sweeping the floor, play games while stirring cookie dough, count the socks in the laundry, etc. For me personally, this is a huge reason to let Bekah help. I personally find most baby games and toys boring, but I could find ways to let her help me all day long. I love to include her in what I'm doing, so this is a great way to spend time with her that's interesting to both of us.
All that said, how can kids help? It seems like kids as young as 18 months can't really do much. However, I've found that not to be true. My daughter has become VERY helpful, actually, and I mean she actually is helping me, not making things take longer! Here is a list of the types of things very young kids may be able to do (keep in mind your own family situation and your child's abilities; these are the things my daughter does at 22 months):
*Empty plastic or metal items from the dishwasher and put them away in low cabinets or drawers
*Put laundry from the washer into the dryer (handed to child by mom or dad)
*Sweep floors (this needs a LOT of guidance or the dirt just goes everywhere)
*Feed pets (watch carefully, show scoop for food)
*Tear lettuce for salad
*Add chopped vegetables to bowls (teach the child to wait until the knife is done and the vegetables are moved to one side)
*Fold laundry (hand to mom to fold)
*Put laundry away in low drawers/closet
*Remove own clothing and put in laundry basket or hamper
*Pick up toys from the floor and put in bins or toy box
*Give a pacifier or toy back to younger child
*Wipe up spills
*Fetch diapers, blankets, etc. for younger child
*Dump pre-measured foods into a bowl (i.e. parent fills measuring cup, child adds)
*Stir cold foods (cake batter, salads, etc.)
*Harvest from the garden in the summer (teach colors, i.e. "pick the red tomatoes")
There are probably many more ways that I can't think of right now, but Bekah has helped do all of these things at one point or another -- sometimes without my knowledge!
The other week I was emptying the dishwasher and feeling rather annoyed and busy. Bekah came over and wanted to help. (She will sign "help" if she wants to help me.) I said "No, mommy is busy, just let me do it." She completely ignored me. She picked up a cutting board (plastic) and opened up the cabinet it goes in and put it away! Recently she's also learned how to tear the salad leaves into bite-sized pieces, instead of just tearing them in half like she used to. The more she helps, the more she learns about how things are done.
Children -- ALL people -- learn best by DOING. Repetition is key, and observation doesn't hurt. As Bekah observes me doing certain likes (like tearing salad leaves smaller), she practices doing it herself and learns to do it "right." She's also learned to pick up a cutting board and push all the food into a bowl instead of grabbing several handfuls. Her skills will be honed as she does more and more. Whenever possible, I try to give her a job to do. It makes her feel included, and it actually staves off a lot of tantrums that would result from being ignored. It's also setting her up for a future of being responsible.
When our children are older, they'll be expected to pick up after themselves. That is, put their dishes in the dishwasher, clothes in the hamper, toys put away, any messes cleaned up. We already make Bekah clean up her own messes whenever possible, or at least help. We'll also teach them to do all different types of chores. Girls will learn to mow the lawn and do hard labor; boys will learn to cook and sew. By including them in all these types of chores now (Bekah enjoys cooking and pretending to sew just as much as tramping through the garden), we're setting them up to continue helping.
How do you teach your children about chores? At what age did they start helping and what types of things did they do?
If you enjoy this blog, subscribe and have it emailed to you everyday!
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