Daily Attitude

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Today I read a great post over at Raising Arrows called "The Me Time Myth." I suggest going over there to read that post before you read this one. I'll wait. :)

Okay, now. I'm betting a lot of you disagree with it. But I don't. I think it's very right, and very important. Who we are isn't the person we are in the small stolen moments. Who we are isn't who we wish to be once all the "work" is done (especially as a parent!). Who we are is what we do everyday, all day long. And that's how it should be. If you don't like what you do everyday, what you surround yourself with -- change that. But having a mindset of needing to escape from it to be "yourself" is going to lead to frustration and anger.

I've found that most of the time, I enjoy including my kids in my daily activities. I might want to go out to lunch with a friend, spend time cooking, go shopping, etc. But I enjoy bringing my kids with me. I often choose to even when I don't "have" to (like when Ben is home). I like having them with me and involved in my activities, in general.

There are times when having my children with me isn't a good idea. Such as, if I'm cooking with knives or when I was teaching and needed to pay attention to my student. It's one of the reasons I closed the business -- I did not like feeling under pressure and like I needed my children to "go away" for awhile. It made me angry and frustrated with them. I didn't like feeling that way, so I needed to step away. It's why I try not to take on time-sensitive projects too often, because life is unpredictable with children and they need me first.

So, I suggest to you, our attitude should be joyful towards our daily routine. We should enjoy doing laundry, cooking, shopping, and caring for our children. Not all moments will be joyful, obviously (like when dinner's boiling over, the phone is ringing, and all the children are screaming) but we should attempt to enjoy WHY we are doing them. We are raising children and that is the biggest and best job ever!

Like Amy, every time I feel like I need some "me" time, I'm impatient to get away from my family and get away from the day-to-day activities. I'm short with them and angry that they need me so much. I'm not joyful and purposeful in the way I care for them anymore. I don't like being that way.

Instead of seeking "me" time, I need to focus on the activities that need done everyday, and give them all my attention and loving care. I honestly feel that most people don't think this way. Most people believe strongly that everyone needs time alone. But unless you're taking a few quiet moments to pray, you shouldn't need time alone. Your time should be spent with your family and your friends, blessing them. You shouldn't try to minimize parenting by hoping your kids will go away and play alone so you can work on a project, or hoping they'll go to bed early every night so you can watch TV or take a bath. If it works out that you happen to get some time alone, that's great, but your parenting should be based on your family's needs first, not your own. That is selfish and that is not how God treats us.

Ben and I both seem to have a different perspective on this, honestly. Ben believes in "me" time. This has led to some fights. He will want to go out by himself and say "Well, I encourage you to go too! You just never do!" And I do go out, usually during the day, and I almost always take at least one child with me. And I don't mind doing that, until Ben says "But you SHOULD have time to yourself!" It just isn't feasible right now, with a nursing infant. But when he says it then I suddenly feel the 'stress' of not having the time to myself, that I suddenly feel like I am entitled to it. It seems unfair to me that Ben should get this time and I don't. Then we fight because Ben desperately wants to get away and believes we're both entitled, and I come to feel that way too. Instead, we need to focus on our family first and finding joy in being together and doing what needs to be done instead of those rare times when we can "escape."

I'm not saying any of this because I'm perfect. On bad days I feel the need to escape too. But it needs to be a quiet moment in prayer and a deep breath, with the intention of diving back in, not pulling away. I'm trying to remember this everyday. I hope all of you can feel calm and fulfilled by your daily lives (at least most of the time!).

Take delight in the people around you instead of seeking the elusive "me time." Family time is what you really need.

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