Daily Attitude

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Today I read a great post over at Raising Arrows called "The Me Time Myth." I suggest going over there to read that post before you read this one. I'll wait. :)

Okay, now. I'm betting a lot of you disagree with it. But I don't. I think it's very right, and very important. Who we are isn't the person we are in the small stolen moments. Who we are isn't who we wish to be once all the "work" is done (especially as a parent!). Who we are is what we do everyday, all day long. And that's how it should be. If you don't like what you do everyday, what you surround yourself with -- change that. But having a mindset of needing to escape from it to be "yourself" is going to lead to frustration and anger.

I've found that most of the time, I enjoy including my kids in my daily activities. I might want to go out to lunch with a friend, spend time cooking, go shopping, etc. But I enjoy bringing my kids with me. I often choose to even when I don't "have" to (like when Ben is home). I like having them with me and involved in my activities, in general.

There are times when having my children with me isn't a good idea. Such as, if I'm cooking with knives or when I was teaching and needed to pay attention to my student. It's one of the reasons I closed the business -- I did not like feeling under pressure and like I needed my children to "go away" for awhile. It made me angry and frustrated with them. I didn't like feeling that way, so I needed to step away. It's why I try not to take on time-sensitive projects too often, because life is unpredictable with children and they need me first.

So, I suggest to you, our attitude should be joyful towards our daily routine. We should enjoy doing laundry, cooking, shopping, and caring for our children. Not all moments will be joyful, obviously (like when dinner's boiling over, the phone is ringing, and all the children are screaming) but we should attempt to enjoy WHY we are doing them. We are raising children and that is the biggest and best job ever!

Like Amy, every time I feel like I need some "me" time, I'm impatient to get away from my family and get away from the day-to-day activities. I'm short with them and angry that they need me so much. I'm not joyful and purposeful in the way I care for them anymore. I don't like being that way.

Instead of seeking "me" time, I need to focus on the activities that need done everyday, and give them all my attention and loving care. I honestly feel that most people don't think this way. Most people believe strongly that everyone needs time alone. But unless you're taking a few quiet moments to pray, you shouldn't need time alone. Your time should be spent with your family and your friends, blessing them. You shouldn't try to minimize parenting by hoping your kids will go away and play alone so you can work on a project, or hoping they'll go to bed early every night so you can watch TV or take a bath. If it works out that you happen to get some time alone, that's great, but your parenting should be based on your family's needs first, not your own. That is selfish and that is not how God treats us.

Ben and I both seem to have a different perspective on this, honestly. Ben believes in "me" time. This has led to some fights. He will want to go out by himself and say "Well, I encourage you to go too! You just never do!" And I do go out, usually during the day, and I almost always take at least one child with me. And I don't mind doing that, until Ben says "But you SHOULD have time to yourself!" It just isn't feasible right now, with a nursing infant. But when he says it then I suddenly feel the 'stress' of not having the time to myself, that I suddenly feel like I am entitled to it. It seems unfair to me that Ben should get this time and I don't. Then we fight because Ben desperately wants to get away and believes we're both entitled, and I come to feel that way too. Instead, we need to focus on our family first and finding joy in being together and doing what needs to be done instead of those rare times when we can "escape."

I'm not saying any of this because I'm perfect. On bad days I feel the need to escape too. But it needs to be a quiet moment in prayer and a deep breath, with the intention of diving back in, not pulling away. I'm trying to remember this everyday. I hope all of you can feel calm and fulfilled by your daily lives (at least most of the time!).

Take delight in the people around you instead of seeking the elusive "me time." Family time is what you really need.

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Ash Wednesday

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Today is Ash Wednesday, which is a really, really important holiday for Christians.

Although we celebrate Christmas every year, Jesus never actually commanded us to celebrate His birth. He did, however, command us to celebrate His death and resurrection. Ash Wednesday is the beginning of Lent, which are the 40 days in preparation for Easter, Christ's resurrection. This is THE holiday for Christians! Jesus died on the Cross to save us, and then rose from the dead -- amazing!

Over the next 40 days, we are called to spend time in prayer, reflecting on Christ's sacrifice for us. Many people have days where they fast during Lent. Catholics do not eat meat on Ash Wednesday or Fridays (I grew up Catholic). Many also choose something else to give up -- specific foods, special activities, etc. These are as a reminder to pray and feel Christ's pain.

There are many good blogs that will be following Lent very closely, including Kitchen Stewardship.

What will you be doing during Lent? How do you celebrate? Say a prayer today for Jesus' sacrifice.

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Courtship and Biblical Marriage

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Now we've discussed several other issues surrounding Biblical relationships and families, so it's time to talk about courtship and marriage! I'm presenting these themes as they appear in the Biblical the teachings of Bible scholars. They represent an "ideal" situation, but are by no means the only way to approach relationships and marriage. They're also not my opinion (in most cases), but Biblical teachings, nor am I judging anyone who chooses a different way.

Courtship is a Biblical way of selecting a mate that heavily involves parents and which takes the place of dating. Traditional courtship happens when two people spend some time together within a group and/or with their parents as chaperones, and are never alone. They do not engage in any physical relationship (not even kissing) until they are married. Both young adults pray for God's guidance in selecting a mate, and discuss their ideas with their parents, who will either approve or deny the match. The man must then ask the woman's father's permission to propose to her. Only if the father gives it can the man propose to the woman. Then, once the couple is married, they leave their parents' homes and go to their own, where they begin their marriage together. Their first kiss is on their wedding day!

There are couples who, today, still strive for courtship. Not all families are so strict about it, though some are. Josh and Anna Duggar practiced courtship this strict, and I believe all the Duggar children are required to do so (although I don't know; I've only read Josh and Anna's story). Others are less strict but still believe strongly in courtship. That is, the goal of having the entire family involved in the selection of a mate and parents functioning as chaperones on at least early dates. It is also important that no courting take place until both the man and woman are fully grown and at a point in their lives where they are ready to have an adult relationship and a potential marriage. "Dating" happens as early as age 12 or 13 for some; there is no potential for an adult relationship or a marriage at that age. Courtship holds that early dating is pointless for that reason. Children should be children, and should not worry about relationships with the opposite sex until they are mature enough for marriage (this is not to say that they shouldn't have FRIENDSHIPS with the opposite sex!).

A typical (less strict) courtship may go like this (as my understanding; some of you may know better than I do): A man and a woman meet each other and become friends. Both are adults and feel they are ready to enter into marriage, if God leads them in that direction (and will be praying about this). They discuss their thoughts and ideas with their parents as well as praying that God will show them if the other person is the the "one." The man is prepared to marry -- that is, he has a good job and a home so that he can take care of his bride independently. The man asks the woman's father's permission to court her. If he gets permission, he will come to the woman's parents' house (of course...realistically, she may or may not still be living with her parents, but that's traditional) to pick her up and take her out. They may be chaperoned, or may not, but the date won't go late and there will be no sexual contact (some say hugging and holding hands is okay; some may say kissing is okay but this is less likely, especially at first). This may continue for awhile but the families will be paying attention. The couple will probably spend a lot of time in groups with friends, siblings, and their parents, so that the whole family knows the man/woman (both families know both). When the man is ready to propose, he will go privately to the woman's father and ask for her permission. Then, he will propose to the woman. Assuming she accepts, their "real" relationship begins and they plan the wedding (that is, they are viewed as betrothed and exclusive and it's considered a relationship, not just a courtship. Some couples may decide that some physical contact, like kissing, is acceptable at this point. Some may not. On their wedding day, they are married and they leave their fathers and mothers and go to one another, and are united as husband and wife (there are Bible verses about exactly this). At this point they are independent, married, and sexual contact is then permitted.

There is a Biblical basis for courtship. I am going to link to several sites in a "resources" section at the bottom so that you can read about it further if you're interested.

The reason that I believe a model similar to this is best is because a lot of teenagers waste a lot of time and energy on relationships that won't pan out. They spend time and money going on dates and having boyfriends and girlfriends and making plans for the future that completely change when and if they break up with that boyfriend or girlfriend. (Someone I know selected a college based on the fact that their significant other attended there, even though that college didn't have the intended major. So the entire career path and course of this person's life changed because of this relationship. They broke up a year later and now this person is thinking about revising the plan a bit, but I feel has lost a few years and the opportunity to do what was REALLY desired.) God doesn't want us to suffer like that. He also doesn't want our focus shifted from the task of growing up and discovering who we are as people, and becoming mature adults before we enter into relationships. So many teens are "one person" when they enter into a relationship at age 15, and totally different when they exit at age 17! Adolescents change SO fast, and they need to. For that reason, dating and marriage really should not enter their lives until they are mostly grown and ready for it.

Our goal for our children will be a modified courtship. We're not going to chaperone all their dates. We're not going to forbid them from ever kissing (though if any choose not to, we will certainly support that choice). We will want to meet the person they are seeing when they first want to have dates (and we will require them to be 18 before they can have true "dates" -- prior to that time, they will be able to go on group dates and have friendships with members of the opposite sex, but not relationships), and we will want men to come to us to ask permission before proposing to any of our daughters. And we hope that our sons will come and let us know they plan to propose, and then seek the woman's father's permission before doing so! We want to get to know all our future daughters-in-law and sons-in-law very well both before and after they are married.

Once courtship is complete and you are married, then what? God has a plan for marriage, too. I'll link to several articles on a Godly design for marriage below, too, but based on the studies we've done (premarital counseling, sets of CDs of pastors talking about marriage, a series in our church we heard live, some books we've read, the Bible itself of course), I will try to explain what we believe and try to practice.

The husband is the head of the family. He submits himself to God and Christ, and he is the family's spiritual leader. He is commanded to "agape" love his wife (which is a very special kind of love). This means, basically, that he is selfless and self-sacrificing for her, that he loves her as Christ loves him, and that nothing ever stops or changes his love for her. It is higher than brotherly love; it is like the love God offers us. There is no good translation for it. It is the husband's responsibility to love his wife this way to make her feel safe and cherished. He should also provide for his family, financially and in other ways.

The wife should submit to her husband. This is not like we think of "submission" in modern times, where a woman simply bows to her husband's will. Instead, she is charged with respecting him and his will (which of course needs to be aligned with God's will). When things come up in their marriage, they will discuss it because they are partners and they need to pray about major decisions together. But if the husband feels especially strongly, the wife should bow to his will and allow him to make the decision. By the same decision, if the wife feels especially strongly, if they feel she is right based on their prayers, the husband should love her and allow her to do things her way. Submission doesn't mean she lets her husband walk all over her by any means. A woman is called to ALWAYS respect her husband. She should not speak ill of him in public nor do anything to put him down or hurt his pride. A wife should feel safe with her husband and always loved by him, so that she is free to be herself, while still respecting him. In public (and in heaven), the husband speaks for the family.

I personally find my role very satisfying. I know that at home, I have an equal say (sometimes more than my share!) about how we will raise our children, handle our money, etc. Ben will come to me and say, "This is something that's in my head right now and this is what I think we should do. But I would like your input." We will discuss the issue, and often I agree he is right. If I don't, we discuss until we come to a conclusion we both agree with. So far we haven't had any times where he's had to say, "We can't agree, so we're going with what I say," but if it came to that, it would be my role to allow that to happen. I can trust Ben to be strong for me. So, for example, if there are demands on our family from the outside that I can't handle, Ben can stand up for us and say, "No, my family needs a break right now," and be a barrier between me and whatever is causing stress. I don't have to feel the burden of providing for my family because Ben takes care of it. Instead, of course, I raise our children, which is really MORE work most of the time. :)

I'm sharing my personal views on this because I know a lot of people will see the word "submit" and automatically get upset and say "No! A wife is completely equal to her husband in all ways and that is demeaning to women!" But it really isn't the way we think of submission. The typical view of a submissive wife -- that is, a husband who rules the family very strongly, and the wife who simply stays out of his way and says "Whatever you think is best" and generally seems to have no independent role or voice -- is NOT what the Bible was talking about. The husband needs the wife as much as she needs him. Their roles are just DIFFERENT.

I love one section from the Biblical marriage roles below that I am going to quote it here:

Let's put the husband's leadership and the wife's submission in biblical balance:

1. God has given the husband the leadership role for the good of his wife, not as an excuse for him to be proud or selfish, and not as an excuse to treat her as a servant.

Some husbands do not seem to understand that yelling for food or beverage service while they are watching a sports event on TV and while their wives are scrubbing the kitchen floors on their hands and knees does not reflect biblical truth in balance.

2. God has not said the husband must, or should, make all decisions in his family. If a husband wants to please God, and if he loves his wife with agape love, he will delegate some decision making to her--she has brains too.

3. God has not said that the husband must make decisions without obtaining input from his wife--she has brains, too.

4. God has not said that the husband must make decisions according to his wishes, nor even according to his wisdom. Instead he must make decisions that are best for his wife.

I think that really sums up how God views marriage, or at least the role of love and respect. It actually goes on with several more excellent points, but I'm not going to post the whole thing here. Read it, it really is a great resource!

We are always personally striving to do better in our roles as husband and wife. In our culture, it is easy to say, "I would love her more if she were nicer to me" or "I would respect him if he earned it," but that is not what God commands. Sometimes we need to remember that love and respect need to be truly UNCONDITIONAL, as God's love is for us.

Please click on the resources below to learn more. All the hyperlinks are articles!

Resources
Courtship vs. Dating
Agape love
Biblical types of love
Biblical marriage
Christian Marriage
Biblical marriage roles (discusses submission)
Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman
Intended for Pleasure, by Ed Wheat/Baker
Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs, by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs / Thomas Nelson

Do you subscribe to courtship and Biblical marriage? Why or why not? What do you believe about marriage?

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Sexual Purity

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Sexual purity is a really difficult topic in today's world. A lot of people believe that sex before marriage is not wrong. Some even believe that you SHOULD have sex before marriage to see if you are "compatible!" Unfortunately, loose morals (i.e. sleeping with everyone who makes it to the "third date," one-night stands, etc.) have led to rampant STDs, out-of-wedlock pregnancies, and other negative consequences. Clearly, what the world considers 'right' is not necessarily good. There are also significant emotional consequences to premarital sex, which no one is discussing at all.

First, we'll turn to the Bible for what it says about sex before marriage.

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins people commit are outside their bodies, but those who sin sexually sin against their own bodies. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. (TNIV, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20)

It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; (TNIV, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5)

Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (NIV, 1 Corinthians 7:8-9)

It is pretty clear, especially from the last quote, that God intended sex only for married people. Paul, in writing to the Corinthians, recommends that if they are consumed by desire for sex, they should get married rather than sin by having sex outside marriage.

This is not an impossible standard to reach. However, the boundaries must be absolutely clear. There is no waffling around, no "what-if" situations. People (including pastors) are afraid to say, "Sex is for married people. Not for engaged people. Not for people who are in love. Not for anyone who uses a condom. But only for married people." This is not 'to each his own.' This is, the Bible and God clearly state, "No sex before marriage."

It's not easy, of course. And it's not supposed to be. In a culture that wants instant gratification, it seems impossible to be truly in love with someone and have a strong desire for sex, and yet NOT do it. However, it is the right thing to do. It also better, truly, because when you get married and give yourselves to each other for the first time, it is an amazing experience. It's also true that plenty of people have slept with people they loved and "hoped" to marry, but ultimately didn't marry. It is easy to get hurt in a situation like this because sex is something that is not only physical, but extremely emotional. When married people have sex, they have already made a true physical, mental, and emotional commitment to one another and there is the trust required to have a sexual relationship. But when people are not married and not committed to each other, having a sexual relationship can make things weird. The absolute love, trust, and COMMITMENT are necessary to a sexual relationship.

All of this is why we will be teaching our children about purity. We will not be telling them "We hope you don't have sex before marriage, but if you do, at least get some birth control." This is wrong, and it also sends a very mixed message. Instead, we'll be very open with them about sexuality and God's plan for it. We'll let them know from a young age that God gave sex as a gift to married people, and that is is an extremely emotional and spiritual act, a special way for married people to connect. We'll also let them know that it's where babies come from (although opinions on this vary, I will have no problem telling Bekah if she asks next time I'm pregnant, despite that she is only 2. I don't believe you need long explanations but I don't believe you should hide it, either). We will be willing to discuss any of our children's concerns with them about being in relationships, being in love, how hard it is to wait, why we believe in waiting, and what the sexual relationship should be like within marriage.

It's hard to teach kids about purity when a lot of their friends are telling them something different, and certainly all of the media is telling them that sex is okay, great, and that they're missing out. It's important to discuss sex with your children and set the bar high. I'm not going to go into great detail about this issue, however, because I don't have kids old enough to have reached this point in their lives, so I'm not entirely sure how we will handle it. I know what we will discuss and teach, but I can't say specifically how they'll respond. I'd love parents who have had teenagers and chose to teach them about purity to weigh in on this.

It is truly worth it to wait. There are many good resources about sexuality for Christians, which I'll mention at the end.

What about once you are married? Then where does sex fit in?

As I stated above, God gave sex as a gift to married people. It is for procreation, obviously, but it is not ONLY for procreation. It is a special way for married people to connect and love one another. God WANTS married people to have sex!

Let's see what the Bible says about sex within marriage:

Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (English Standard Version, 1 Corinthians 7:1-5)

It is clear that, first, God again says "sex should only occur within marriage." But read the last sentence of the quote carefully: "Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time..." God wishes married people to have sex on a regular basis, to stave off temptation. It is not good for married people to abstain from sex for a long period of time, because they can drift apart from one another and find themselves tempted by extra-marital affairs. And most of us are aware that MANY affairs begin when a married couple are too busy with children, work, or other outside interests to connect emotionally and sexually, so one or both partners look outside the relationship for gratification.

Since one of the purposes of getting married is to have sex (and children), then people should have sex when they are married, unless there is a temporary reason why they cannot. They should not refuse each other so that both feel satisfied. It is a pleasure and a gift for married people.

Within marriage, infidelity is never okay. Continued marital relations should help to avoid infidelity. Frequent sexual fantasies are considered infidelity too (about someone other than your own spouse, of course). Beyond what is forbidden in and outside of marriage, and that husbands and wives should enjoy regular sex, there is not much more that the Bible specifically says about sex. To that end, people should enjoy sex with their husband or wife and remain in constant communication about what they need and want.

Check out some of the resources I've listed below if you are wanting to learn more about this issue (what the Bible says about sex). Kay Arthur is a good resource.

How do you feel about sexual purity? What will you teach your children?

Resources:

Bible Verses on Premarital Sex

Bible Study on Sex

What Does the Bible Say about Sex by Kay Arthur

Sex According to God: How to Walk with Purity in a World of Temptation by Kay Arthur

The Truth About Sex: What the World Won't Tell You and God Wants you to Know by Kay Arthur

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Following God's Plan

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How we follow (or try to follow) God's plan in a world that doesn't understand.

Today I'm talking about God's plan. The first thing I should tell you is that while we TRY to follow God's plan as well as we can, we are by no means perfect! We slip up all the time and try to find our way again. We are not perfect at all.

What does it mean to follow God's plan? Obviously there are certain parts to God's plan that are easy to know (by reading the Bible), and certain parts that are not easy to know (through prayer and answers to prayer). Very quickly I want to talk about the "easy" parts, but mostly I want to focus on the not-so-easy parts.

If you spend any time in the Scripture, you know that God commands us to do several things. He commands us to love one another; not to kill; not to sin sexually (we'll discuss that further later); not to lie ("bear false witness"); and to worship Him. That is not a complete list, of course. Our ultimate goal is to love one another and to worship Him with every part of our lives. That means that although we are all sinners, we are to always strive to be closer to Him and to know more about Him. We need to try to do our best to be loving, giving, and as much like Jesus as we can. No one will ever measure up, but we are called to turn away from the world's ways (as "crazy" as some think that is) and towards Jesus's ways. This is not easy, but the Bible gives us guidelines on how to do it. To this end, I would encourage you to spend time in the Word to learn what it means to follow Jesus and as an encouragement to always do better. I, too, really need to spend more time in the Word. It is easy to be led astray by all of the demands of daily life, but God calls us to put Him first, not last.

I'm not saying this because I'm perfect. I often do the same as many others: know that I need to spend more time with God and not do it because I'm working on so many other projects. I do consider God all the time and think about how I can be more purposeful in areas of my life based on what He commands. But by no means do I spend nearly enough time in His Word or with Him in any way. :( That is sad to admit. I am hoping to get myself seriously together soon so that I will do more with it. I may issue a challenge to us all about this! Be prepared for that. :)

If you are spending time in the Word, or spending time praying and considering God's desires for your life, then you know the other side of following God's plan. God has a plan for each of us, and we don't necessarily know what it is. We can try to learn it through prayer and through always listening for God's answers. Sometimes it's very obvious, and other times it's not.

The other week, I desperately wanted to go out with friends. My kids were not feeling well and we'd had a long night and I was feeling frustrated. I knew that going out wasn't a good idea, yet I really, really wanted to do it anyway. So I pushed them to get ready, I did whatever it took. In the back of my head was the thought that maybe God didn't want me to go, because I really needed to put my kids first, not my own frustrations and desires. When everything was ready, I went to get the kids in the car -- and my garage door wouldn't open. I tried EVERYTHING, including unlocking it and opening manually. But no dice. I was forced to stay home. That afternoon, Ben came home and easily opened the garage. It was like God was saying, "If you're not going to do what's right for your kids, I'm going to make you do it." Sometimes it's really that obvious!

And, like that example, sometimes it's not what we want or what's comfortable for us. We may be given a job in another state at a time we don't want to move. We may be prevented from having a child when we desperately want one -- or given one when we're not ready. But all of these things happen because God wants them to.

Treat every event in your life -- good and bad -- as a blessing from God. A lot of times the bad is really a blessing in disguise. Or, sometimes it's an attempt by Satan to make you angry so that you will denounce God instead of praising Him. Continue to praise Him, and continue to pray to him, and try to listen to what He is telling you. He will let you know His plan in parts, and He will lead you in new directions.

Once, when my mother was a little girl, she and her sister wanted to go to a friend's to sleep over. There was no reason why they couldn't, but her mother felt uneasy and told them no. This was God telling her to keep her children with her. That night, there was a fire in her friend's home, and her friend died in that fire. My mother and her sister could easily have died too, had they gone to that sleepover that night.

Another time, a pastor we knew was a teenager and spent time in prayer. He felt God was tugging on him to spend his "extra" money to give to the church, rather than saving for prom like all of his friends. It was hard for him, but he gave his money to the church. On prom day, a close female friend of his called and said, "I just broke up with my boyfriend, and I need you to take me. The tickets are paid for, the tux is rented and it's just your size, dinner is paid for, and we have tickets to an amusement park for after prom. All you have to do is show up." In this case, he was rewarded for following God's plan for him!

God does reward us for following His plan in many amazing ways. He blesses us in ways that make absolutely no sense by the world's standards. And for that reason, I encourage you to always prayerfully consider any decision you make, and to include God in your life all the time. He will guide you if you let Him, and He will bless you if you let Him.

At every time in your life, you will be working on something different. It all depends on what God is calling you to do at that time. God will lay something on your heart that you need to work on. Right now, God is laying it on my heart to work on grace -- understanding it and extending it to others. I don't know where God will take me next. More details about what I'm working on personally will be coming up in future blog posts.

What is God working on in your life? How do you follow His plan?


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Large Families

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Several weeks ago I was asked for my opinion on large families, since you all know I intend to have one. The recent premature birth of the Duggars' 19th child brought up the questions again. So, I'm finally getting around to answering it! It's been too busy on the blog until now. :)

And please, if you're going to comment on this post, read the WHOLE thing and give it some time to sink in first. I've thought about this subject for a very, very long time. And those of you who are against large families and/or older children taking responsibility for younger children, please know my mother agrees with you and shared this sentiment with me over and over growing up, and I found it unfair at times that a few of my friends with younger siblings were often babysitting. So it has taken me a long, long time to come to the perspective I currently have, after experiencing many different situations and ways of thinking.

I believe that large families are a blessing. They are not for everyone, obviously, but God intends some to have large families. Some have said "but it's not fair to the children." Here is something to think about: everyone has an opinion about their siblings and the families they were raised in. Some wish they had more siblings. Some wish they had less. Some loved it just the way it was. Some didn't like a particular sibling. Some felt closest to a particular sibling, maybe even more than their parents. But you don't choose to have another child because one of your children does (or doesn't) want another. If you weren't planning more and your children BEGGED for a sibling, would you have another? Probably not. It's your body and your adult life, and you wouldn't want to go through the pregnancy and have another child to raise if you didn't feel ready, even if your children wanted another sibling. Likewise, it's not their decision to say you shouldn't have more children. This is YOUR life (most of your life happens as an adult and it's your time to choose how you want to live it!), not theirs. When they are adults, they can choose their own experience. Love it or hate it, they've had the childhood they're going to have. Not to mention that even if you only have two children (or even just one!), you can't always please everyone with everything. So it is most important to please God, and then yourself, NOT your children.

Within a family, I believe that everyone has a special and unique relationship with everyone else. It's not merely about the parents' relationship with each child, but the childrens' relationship with each other. Siblings can, and do, share very special and meaningful relationships with one another. I know that already in our family, the first thing Bekah says when she wakes up in the morning or from nap is "Brother?" She doesn't stop asking until she gets to see him. He smiles at her more readily than anyone else, even when she's just poking at him or getting in his face. They seem to have a special bond. I don't have anything to do with that. If she hears him crying, she goes over and pats him or gives him a pacifier or a toy. She offers him her food or her drink (although he's not allowed to have it). She LOVES him. I hope that they always have a special relationship with each other. I believe this type of relationship between siblings should be fostered because it is the first model for friendship.

Children don't know how to have healthy relationships outside their families if they don't have healthy relationships within them. Having their siblings around helps them to learn to get along with others, and negotiate the sometimes difficult areas like sharing, listening, turn-taking, etc. While these skills can be learned in other ways, they are built in to large families.

ALL members of a family have a responsibility towards all other members. It's not unreasonable to expect a child to take care of things for himself -- putting his clothes in the hamper, making his bed, clearing his dishes from the table. It's also not unreasonable to expect him to help a family member. Perhaps removing a younger child's shoes, reading a story to someone, getting someone a glass of water while he's getting himself one. When our children are little, we are training them. Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." If you wish your child to think of others first, you will need to teach him to do so when he is young. When your child is a young adult and is staying with you, would you be hurt if he went into the kitchen and got himself a snack and didn't offer you any? Or didn't thank you after you made him dinner? He needs to be taught this attitude of helpfulness and gratitude when he is young.

It isn't really a burden for a child to have to spend a short amount of time helping a younger sibling each day. A half hour or an hour of being a child's "buddy" is not a huge chunk out of the older sibling's day (not saying I would choose this system, just saying it isn't as horrible as some have made it out to be). It can also help to foster that special relationship between those two siblings. They may truly enjoy studying together, or practicing their musical instruments together. And I certainly hope that siblings (generally) enjoy playing together! Even if, on occasion, they don't, it is still part of being a family to help one another. It is the responsibility of EVERYONE to help everyone else when they need it.

I believe that today, we are fostering too much independence in our children. We teach them that they must have space, and privacy, and always the freedom to do their own thing. We teach them that as children, they should have their own activities. We push them outside the family as soon as they are old enough and tell them to go make friends, don't worry about helping at home. Some families don't even give kids chores for this reason (yes...I have read a book where a parent firmly stated her policy was not to give her kid any chores at all...or even to teach her manners. As this parent only had one child, I don't really believe her. Perhaps it worked out okay for her ONE child, but every child is different and many would do poorly with that system!). We really push kids to be independent VERY early, from putting their in their own rooms from birth, weaning them betwen 6 and 12 months (if not sooner), disciplining them early but so gently they don't actually get it ("You better come back here! I'm going to count to 10! If you don't come, I'm going to come and get you!" Um...that teaches the child...what, exactly?). Why do we push our children to be so independent? Why is that necessary? And what happens when they grow up?

I envision a family where everyone focuses on each other as their primary relationships. They have friends, of course, but if their family needs them (whether it is to help a sibling, do their chores, or have a fun family outing), they say, "I'll have to catch you next time." I envision a family where they help their siblings because they WANT to, not because they have to. I envision a family that is so close and loving that when all the children are grown, if one says, "I need help," everyone else says, "Tell me what you need and I'll do it." That is the kind of love and help that I see from my family.

When I think of large families, I'm not thinking of just what's happening today. I'm not thinking of my individuals who are independent and will grow up to remain that way. No, they'll grow up to form their own families (whatever size). They will never be really independent. I think it does them a great disservice to teach them to expect space and privacy when they will probably never really have it. They need to learn to live with others instead. Yes, this culture loves to emphasize individualism, but I don't like it or believe in it. I think we need each other. I think we need to be in community with others, part of a family, at all times. We need to give when we can, and learn to receive when we need it. People don't do well at either these days.

As for the Duggars, I can't speak for them. I don't agree with everything they believe or have chosen to do. I don't think in any way that we will be a copy of them or even very similar to them. Being Christians and wanting a lot of children are all we have in common (and debt free, hopefully!). I don't make all my children dress alike and the girls wear their hair long and only wear dresses. I won't make all my kids play the piano and the violin (they can choose any instrument, or sport, etc.). I don't serve them processed food. I won't give them dormitory-style bedrooms (because everyone needs a space where they can have a few minutes to themselves, even if they're sharing with one other sibling). But in general, comparing us to the Duggars isn't really fair. They're just another family out there and there are things I agree with and things I don't.

So that's my general take on the subject. Families are all about each other, they are inherently interlocked, and they all have a responsibility towards one another. Independence is pushed far too much. It's every adult's decision how many children to have and what kind of life they want to lead and how they want to teach their children (and for those children, they'll have their chance too, for most of their life). And ultimately...what is MOST important in a family? That the family is LOVING!! Size doesn't matter, responsibilities (or lack thereof), etc. It's that the parents are loving and giving and they teach the children to be that way too. That is what the children will remember when they are adults, not the minor annoyances.

Right now, I know I'm not the perfect parent (who is?). I know I yell sometimes when Bekah has ignored me for the 14th time in the last half hour. I know we have really bad days. But when she picks up a doll, or sees a real baby, she holds it, kisses it, strokes its hair, offers it a toy...she's gentle and loving towards it. So I know that those moments are what really stick in her head. I have NEVER seen her yell at a doll or try to hurt it or do anything but treat it lovingly. So despite my totally imperfect parenting, something must be going right, huh?

What do you think about large families?

God Working in My Life

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Wow! It's been a busy weekend. We were out of town from early Saturday morning (we left around 7 AM) until after 3 PM today. It was long! It was a great time to be with our family members, but I am glad to be home now. There were tons of people, tons of (not-so-healthy) food, and not much sleep. A lot of the stuff I've done on this blog in the last few days (I spent some time when others were napping or engaged in other activities checking comments and such) has been in a sleep-deprived, distracted haze. So if anything or anyone got overlooked, or if maybe I said some things I shouldn't have...I'm sorry. :) Like I said, it's been a little crazy.

In the past few months, God has really been working in my life. He's driven me to do a lot of different things that I might not have otherwise, or which were hard for me to do. I just wanted to share with you some of these things that have been going on, in hopes that it might inspire you.

I'll admit it: I LOVE the internet. I like to talk to people, and I like to research and learn new things. It's been hard for me to limit myself on computer time some days so I can spend enough time with my kids. There are days that they are quietly playing happily and I have some work that I want to get done and it's easy to justify doing it while they're happy, or even while they're on my lap sometimes. But God's been pushing me away from this more and more (by the way, as I write this, Daniel sleeps on me in his sling, and Bekah's running around her grandparents' house playing).

I have found that God is giving us more time in the mornings to play and get dressed (over an hour usually) before we even get downstairs. My kids and my house have been demanding more of my attention. I enjoy the chance to get up and chase them around, and involve them in the other things I'm doing, and to just stop and play with them (Bekah loves to get chased or tickled on the ground, so we take time everyday to do this with her!).

I've also been getting more involved in the community around me. God has provided a small group at church and many friends with kids Bekah's age. I've also found other playgroups and communities and we're getting involved with. I've been really seeking community in the last few months. I'm trying to find like-minded people here to befriend, and it's been going really well. I have a lot of really great friends here now, with kids Bekah's age. It's been great for her, too, to have her own little friends, and she knows a few by name now. God has really provided opportunities for me to find this community.

I've also found that God has placed certain books in my life, or people, or blog posts (from others) that really show me things I need to work on. For example, earlier I was reading another blog where the blog owner and a reader were having a bit of a debate about a subject. The blog owner was being very gentle and happy and really made the whole debate light-hearted. I thought, this is really timely for me to read because I don't think I've handled debates on my blog very well. It's been hard for me to sort out what is well-intentioned from what isn't and I know I've alienated a few readers by becoming defensive when it wasn't warranted. It was so great to see an example of a disagreement handled well, so that in the future maybe I can handle mine better, too. If you were affected by this -- I'm very sorry. I do not always handle things the way I should and I am trying to do better now.

I've also had similar things placed in my life to show me how to be gentler and more consistent with my children. I've been rewarded already with happier and more obedient children (well...child...Daniel's too little). I've been attempting to teach Bekah two major things lately: that if she gets hurt or upset, a kiss or hug from mommy can make it all better (and she now asks for a hug or kiss if she is upset, then happily goes to play again), and that if she makes a mess, she will have to clean it up herself (she now makes fewer messes, and often cleans up the ones she has made without being asked).

I find that the more I am willing to accept what I see and hear around me, the more I see the ways God is really working in my life. He really provides me all the answers and encouragement I need, and He is gently trying to correct me and show me a better way. He is pushing me to be a better parent (more present for my kids, more consistent, gentler, more loving), to be more loving and encouraging to those around me, to be more humble and teachable and less defensive. I am working very hard, and all the encouraging words I find in others' blog posts or the Bible or other sources are really helping me, and making me feel stronger.

Now, I hate to say this, but I was pretty upset by some of the comments I received over the weekend. I am really working hard to post and respond to any and all comments that I can. But the ones that use name-calling are very upsetting to me. And I really hope that, as adults, we can really all be respectful and share nicely. I know that people have a hard time, first of all, noting tone or intentions over the internet, so things can be easily misconstrued. But I also know that sometimes the anonymity of a computer screen can make people feel bold and they say things they wouldn't say to someone's face. Please think about how the person on the receiving end of your comment will feel before you hit send. I am trying very hard to think more about this myself, so please work on this with me.

Second, I also HIGHLY ENCOURAGE you all to leave your names! I feel like so many of you read this blog and "know" me, but I don't "know" you at all. I would really like to know you, too, so I can have a rapport with my faithful readers. Seeing anonymous comments, nice or mean, is a little discouraging to me! Also, it's unfortunate, but all of the rude comments come through anonymously. If that continues, I will have to turn off anonymous commenting (because of that whole boldness because of anonymity through a computer screen, etc.). I don't want to do this because we've had a lot of really great contributions, but if people are not able to be mature and polite, it will have to stop. I'm so sorry to have to say all this, but I really do find it upsetting to read some of the comments, and I really want to get to know my readers better. So if you stop by, please leave your first name! Thanks!

Movie Review: Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed

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We recently finished watching Ben Stein's movie, "Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed." The film looked at the question of intelligent design vs. evolution. It was a very interesting experience, and everyone should see it, especially those who believe in ID or creationism.

First, let's define "Intelligent Design" as they do in the movie: The belief that there is some sort of higher power or intelligent designer who created life on earth, which may then have evolved or changed through natural selection and adaptation. That is to say, God is not necessarily that higher power or designer (according to the scientific theory), and they are not saying that once created, life did not change through adaptation. There is absolute scientific credence to this notion -- though evolutionists patently disagree, without actually knowing what the argument is. Most assume that ID is simply religion, but that is not the case.

Stein begins the movie by pointing out how most evolutionary biologists are rather arrogant, referring to ID as "utterly boring" or saying things like "I can't prove a flying spaghetti monster doesn't exist, either." He also shows many scientists who were fired or had their funding cut off for even mentioning that intelligent design MIGHT be a valid theory. As he says, "So much for academic freedom."

At one point in the film, Stein interviews a biologist. "It's a funny thing that questions that aren't properly answered don't go away," he says. When Galileo said that the Earth revolved around the Sun, instead of the other way around, the Catholic church imprisoned him for the last 10 years of his life to keep him quiet (much the opposite of what's going on now). But once everyone saw the evidence for Galileo's theory, they all believed, as we do today. But 150 years after The Origin of Species, despite that we see thousands of the brightest minds rejecting Evolutionary Theory because they don't feel the scientific evidence proves it, most scientists still consider anyone who doesn't believe in evolution a "nutcase." This is despite extreme advances in science since Darwin's time, which allow us to examine the evidence in a totally new and different way. Evolutionary biologists stubbornly cling to evolution based on old, outdated evidence.

Dr. Steve Meyer says, "For every evidence-based argument for Darwin's two points, there is an evidence-based argument against it." This is the view of many, many qualified scientists.

For example, Darwin has no theory on how life originated, where the first cell came from. Generally, it is believed that the big bang occurred, and that the necessary elements for life were put onto earth and the energy stimulated them in just the right way and life occurred. Some think that primordial ooze is also a possibility. Basically, somehow, the correct proteins were in the right place at the right time, and life just came from that (i.e. much like my lego argument before -- lots of non-living proteins were swimming around together and happened to create something complex and new -- life!). Scientists do not know how this happened, but they believe that it did. Several scientists, beginning in the 1950s, even tried to replicate this in the lab. They put all of the proper proteins together and stimulated them with various forms of energy. This type of experiment, which seemed "promising" at first, has NEVER produced any type of life. i.e. this theory CANNOT BE REPLICATED IN A LAB.

When I was watching this segment of the film, I had a thought. Every type of life on the planet reproduces itself either sexually or asexually. Every (non-genetically-modified) species has the ability to reproduce. So, I would like someone to show me one species that can spontaneously produce or come into being, without any part of itself used in reproduction. I'm pretty sure that doesn't happen anywhere on earth. So, why should we accept that it ever did happen?

Another scientist in the movie said that somehow life formed on the back of crystals. When asked how, he stated "I already told you." He could not come up with any greater explanation. So, it remains: scientists do not have any explanation for how life actually formed in the first place. They have various, unproven theories on this, some as strange as "aliens did it" (which, by the way, is actually intelligent design...a superior race of aliens creating us is STILL a designer placing us here).

Some scientists were asked about the proteins theory. There are 250 proteins needed to create life, and many amino acids needed to build each protein. There is "one in a trillion trillion trillion chance this would happen...essentially zero," to quote the movie. Part of the reason that Darwin theorized it did occur is because he had no idea of the complexity of the cell -- he thought it "quite simple." 150 years ago, the cell was considered the building block of life. Darwin had no way of knowing about DNA, amino acids, etc. But today, as one scientist said, "if Darwin thought the cell was a Buick, today we know it is a galaxy." It is that much more complex than Darwin ever knew.

Many of the evolutionary biologists are making this a religion vs. science debate, when it doesn't need to be one. Richard Dawkins, author of The God Delusion says the book is a "full frontal attack on religion," because "both science and religion are trying to explain existence but religion gets it wrong." Dawkins won't entertain anything he thinks even comes close to religious territory, nor will he admit that ID is not a debate about religion (according to the agency that promotes research into ID, it is not a religious theory).

In response, Alistair McGrath wrote The Dawkins Delusion. He says Dawkins is naive and believes that scientific explanation gets rid of religion. In fact, many of the ancient scientists (Galileo among them) were quite religious, and were trying to understand the world that God had created (as they put it). They were not trying to explain God out of the picture, as today's scientists do. Today's scientists say things like "Science tells you there is no God," but this is impossible. God remains metaphysical, and scientists cannot prove His existence either way. To say that science eliminates the possibility of God is wrong and rather idiotic.

One evolutionist says, "Religion...at the level it should be treated. Something fun that people get together and do on the weekends, but that doesn't affect their life as much as it has."

And what would happen to the world if that were the case? If Darwinism were the only theory that explained life?

Two very important historical movements were based on Darwinism. Hitler's Nazi regime, and the eugenics projects in U.S. in the 1920s and '30s. Yes...Nazi Germany was based on Darwinism.

According to Darwin, every species adapts and changes over time as the weaker members die out. Those weaker members do and should die so the "fittest" can survive. Darwin says that "hardly anyone would let his weakest animals breed," and explains it should be the same with people. He says that certain people -- those who are disabled, for example -- are a drain on society and unnecessary. He doesn't go quite as far as to say they should be killed, but Hitler did. Hitler believed in a pure race. He wanted to kill off all of those who were not pure in order to create a better race. Hitler said "What we desire of today's youth is different from what was desired in the past. We must create the new man so that our race will not succumb to the phenomenon of degeneration so typical of modern times." And he used this as an excuse to commit genocide.

Germany wasn't the only country who believed this line of reasoning, however. Plenty of American scientists did (do?) too. Scientists created a field called "eugenics," which aimed to sterilize the "feeble minded" or disabled so they could not reproduce. 50,000 people were involuntarily sterilized. This occurred to "help natural selection along."

This is a total lack of morality. A value is put on each life, so that some are highly valued and some are beyond worthless. Those deemed worthless can be killed. Scarily enough, one of Obama's czars holds this belief today.

Finally, Stein went around to several prominent institutions were scientists had been fired for discussing ID. At one, he was simply escorted out by security. At others, he was told "it had nothing to do with ID" and no real conversation was had. So, Stein ended up speaking to Dawkins. Dawkins has "no idea how life started," he freely admits. He also says, at one point, "it could be that at some earlier time in the universe, some other civilization evolved on some other planet, and they designed a race and put it on earth," and he also admits "if you did research, you might find that there are marks of a designer, from some race of higher intelligence." Yet, Dawkins will not entertain the theory of ID in general. (After the movie came out and Dawkins realized how his comments were being taken and in what context they were being used, he was very upset and stated that he will not even speak to anyone who believes in ID, because it "only gives credence to the theory." How is that for logical scientific debate? He won't even speak to someone who believes differently, he is that arrogant.)

Finally, a small side note...I was criticized in my original post about mentioning the second law of thermodynamics. Yes, it does relate to energy. Here is a more complete explanation of the law:

"The Second Law of Thermodynamics is commonly known as the Law of Increased Entropy. While quantity remains the same (First Law), the quality of matter/energy deteriorates gradually over time. How so? Usable energy is inevitably used for productivity, growth and repair. In the process, usable energy is converted into unusable energy. Thus, usable energy is irretrievably lost in the form of unusable energy."

"Entropy is defined as a measure of unusuable energy within a closed or isolated system (the universe for example). As usable energy decreases and unusuable energy increases, entropy increases. Entropy is also a gauge of randomness or chaos within a closed system. As usable energy is irretrievably lost, disorganization, randomness, and chaos increase."

So as you see, it DOES relate to the point I had. It is unlikely, with the amount of energy required to create life (i.e. to perfectly arrange those 250 proteins into one cell, and continue the process from there to create more and more complex organisms), that such evolution could occur. There would not be enough energy to create those more complex organisms. Instead, as energy was spent, the organisms should fall apart, not become more complex. So, evolution does NOT overcome the Second Law of Thermodynamics.

Have you seen Expelled? Are you interested to watch it now? Do you follow this debate at all? Despite what many have to say, there IS a debate here!

Creation vs. Evolution: What's the Evidence?

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The past two weeks at our church, we've been listening to the pastor speak on Creation vs. Evolution. This is a very important topic these days. Scientists in general tend to dismiss creation and assume that evolution is simply fact, which of course is not the case -- it is merely a theory. They tend to talk down to anyone who believes in creation, calling people religious nuts, uneducated, rednecks, and much worse terms. However, science itself actually provides evidence that creation is a viable theory. So what is the evidence, and what should we believe?

First, we believe in creation because the Bible teaches it. That is the first and last authority to us. It is not the only reason, but it is the most important reason. The very first verse of the Bible declares: "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth." (Gen. 1:1) That should be enough...but of course, for man's curious mind, it's not.

So, why else do we believe in creation? Because there is overwhelming science that shows it to be true. Yes -- really! First I want to show a couple of quotes from Darwin himself, to set up the argument:

"To suppose that the eye, with all its inimitable contrivances for adjusting the focus to different distances, for admitting different amounts of light, and for the correction of spherical and chromatic aberration, could have been formed by natural selection, seems, I freely confess, absurd in the highest degree." Think Exist

"First, why, if species have descended from other species by fine degradations, why do we not everywhere see innumerable transitional forms? Why is not all nature in transition, instead of the species being, as we see them, well defined?" Overcome Problems

There are more -- to the effect that, if Darwin had had the scientific tools we have today, his theory would have been proven false. Of course, no evolutionist today acknowledges these problems, nor do they use their new data to investigate further. They assume it is true.

Therefore, scientists today are biased. Scott Todd, a Kansas State University immunologist states, "Even if all the dara point to an intelligent designer, such a hypothesis is excluded from science because it is not naturalistic." That is, because it cannot be easily observed, it must be false. (This is the simplistic thinking problem I discussed in my post on rejecting the medical community.)

It is known today that the universe is finely tuned to support life. If only one tiny thing were changed -- our position in relation to the sun, the size of the earth, the composition of the atmosphere, our air requirements, the structure of cells, etc. -- the whole thing would collapse. Yet -- we are supposed to accept that this happened completely by accident. As our pastor said, "If I throw a bunch of legos on the floor, what are the chances they will assemble themselves to form a building?" Truly, the chance is zero. To even ask such a question is ridiculous, yet this is what evolutionists are asking us to accept.

Our pastor also gave 5 very important reasons to reject evolution, which I will now summarize here:

1) It doesn't adequately explain the presence of complexity.
Since Darwin's time, we've developed numerous scientific advancements, including an electron microscope, which allows us to understand living organisms at a level that Darwin could not have even imagined. Just being able to look at what goes on in every individual cell is amazing (the DNA and RNA in a cell's nucleus, the special instructions to form amino acids into particular proteins, the way the cell carries in nutrients and carries out waste, all the small mechanisms that allow this process to carry on rapidly and constantly). There is no possible way that the fine, carefully balanced complexity of this process was some kind of amazing accident. The world is far, far too complex to have just happened, to have come from nothing. Speaking of nothing -- there has to be an original cause. If creation, God is clearly the original cause. In evolution...there is no explanation for the original cause, just some vague "big bang," although there is no explanation for what caused that.

2) It doesn't adequately account for the fossil record.
Despite what some scientists say and would have you believe, dinosaur footprints have been found right next to man's...and they were created at the same time. That is not at all what we have been told; we've been told dinosaurs lived millions of years before man because the earth is so old. Read more about the fossil records, and learn more about carbon dating (the supposed way that scientists "prove" that the world is millions of years old).

An interesting story about carbon dating and dinosaurs: "I have documentation of an Allosaurus bone that was sent to the University of Arizona to be carbon dated. We didn't tell them the bones they were dating were dinosaur bones. The result was sample B at 16,120 years. The Allosaurus was supposed to be 140,000,000 years old. The samples of bone were blind samples." Hmm...so, when scientists did not know they were dating dinosaurs, the bones were dated at only 16,000 years...when if they had known, they would have dated them at 140 MILLION years old, or 8750 times as old.

3) It doesn't adequately explain how the Second law of Thermodynamics is overcome (which is: things tend to o from order to chaos)
How is it that the law states, things specifically go from order to chaos, and we can observe that this is true all around us: our neat, orderly playrooms are quickly destroyed by eager toddlers -- yet Darwin asks us to accept that from primordial slime and complete chaos and confusion, life arose and humans eventually came to be? It does not make sense that all of this slime and randomness knit itself together and created life, and then became more and more complex life. Not to mention, why don't we see this continuing to happen? Why are there many well-defined species and none that are changing or evolving? Darwin himself (quoted above) admits that is a large problem with his theory.

4) It doesn't adequately account for consciousness
How did slime, or even unconscious one-celled organisms, turn into the humans we see today? How did "nothing" not only develop into complex life, but into fully conscious beings, who have rich emotional and mental lives? There is no way for Darwin to explain how this occurred. Of course, as emotional and mental conditions are not strictly "science," since they cannot be measured or quantified easily, Darwin probably simply eliminated them from his equation and looked only at the outer, physical characteristics. More simplistic, incorrect "scientific" thinking.

5) It doesn't adequately account for morality
Why are we moral beings? In Darwin's view, our only goal should be survival, and we should be fully selfish. There should be no desire to give to others or help others. We should have no seemingly in-born sense that it is wrong to steal or to kill. Animals do not have these senses; so how have we developed them? Only the presence of a loving God, who created us and gave us these laws, explains morality. Why do humans, even supposed atheists, still turn to prayer in dark times? Why do humans have a feeling they NEED God? Why have we ALWAYS had religion? Where did it come from to begin with? The only explanation (scientists are not interested in even looking for an explanation) is that God created us with that need.

There are many more resources available if you would like to learn more:
Creation Museum
Dissent from Darwinism (this is a collection of scientists who believe that Creation is more likely)
Answers in Genesis
ICR

The Reason for God, by Timothy Keller
The Case for a Creator, by Lee Strobel (a former agnostic!)
Scientific Creationism, by Henry M. Morris

What do you believe? Has what I've presented here changed your thinking or surprised you at all?

Halloween

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Happy Halloween!

However, like many Christians, we don't actually celebrate. A lot of people struggle with what to do on Halloween if they don't trick-or-treat. Do they let the kids participate sort of (i.e. hand out Christian message scrolls, as some of my friends do)? Do they avoid the whole night, pretend it's normal? Do they do another fun activity? Is there a way to make it a meaningful Christian night?

Actually, there is. On October 31st, 1517, Martin Luther nailed the changes to the Catholic church, starting the Reformation. This led to the modern Protestant religion. This is a really great event to celebrate because it is a major event in the church's history. It will be fun to dress up in period clothes, explore what some of Luther's suggested changes were, act out a skit about how the dissatisfied people might have felt, prepare an authentic meal, etc.

Involve your children in planning for this event: writing the skit, planning the meal, buying or sewing clothes. Celebrate what an important event this was for our history. Invite local friends to join your celebration if you have any who agree.

Here are a few resources for Reformation Day:
The Holiday Source: Reformation Activities
Teacher Activities: Reformation
Activities

How do you celebrate Halloween or the alternatives? If you try any of these ideas, let me know!

Quiverfull

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You've probably never heard of quiverfull. I hadn't, either, until about a year ago. Last October, a woman at my church was teaching a 4-week class on motherhood. She had 10 kids of her own; that was all I knew going in. Sadly, I expected her to be fat and tired-looking. I also thought her kids would range in age from very young to completely grown.

I was wrong on all counts. She was young, maybe mid-30s, and thin and attractive. She clearly spent time dressing nicely and putting on makeup (how, with 10 kids, I don't know!). Her kids also ranged in age from 4 months - 12 years. There were no twins. So she had a baby every 12 - 15 months!

After the class was over, I spent some time talking to her. I was curious how she managed 10, and why she had chosen to have so many. Ben and I had talked before we had gotten married about how many kids we wanted. I'd said 4, he'd said 5, and I'd said done. In reality there was a lot more conversation, but that was the gist. Our families thought we were crazy and said "Wait till you have one, you won't want so many." But after Bekah was born, we loved it so much that Ben said "Let's have 10!" He was sort of kidding...at first. But now he's not. We really want 10 kids. So, that's why I was so curious.

She gave me information about "Quiverfull," which is a Biblical ideal about having children. This movement believes that all children are a gift from God, and that you should take as many as you are given. "Quiverfull" families (including us) do not practice any form of birth control, not even the rhythm method or natural family planning. The Duggars are the most famous example of a family who practices Quiverfull.

I, like a lot of families who end up subscribing to this philosophy, did take birth control at one point. I now believe this to be harmful (even if you don't subscribe to this philosophy. I will post on that another time). In February 2007, I decided I was done with birth control. I got pregnant in May, and Bekah was born in January 2008. We had talked and prayed during this pregnancy, and had decided we would not use anymore birth control, and we would just see what happened. As it worked out, I got pregnant again in November 2008, and we were both ready and actively trying for another baby at that point. Daniel was born in July 2009.

At this point, Daniel is almost three months old. I haven't gotten my period back (I got it back two weeks after Bekah started solids, so I'm not anticipating getting it back for awhile yet this time), so I don't think I could get pregnant yet. But if I do...I'm not worrying about it. I'm praying that God is watching out for me, so that I can continue to provide for my current babies as best I can, and that whenever He does choose to give me another, that we will all be ready for it.

Quiverfull is not for everyone. It requires an entire lifestyle that is completely family-centered, much more heavily than is typical for our culture. In mainstream society, it is common to multi-task as much as possible, and women who stay home with their children are often looked down upon. Many women have only a few children, and work full time outside the home. This is what society says is the "right" way to be. I believe this places far too much pressure on women to be "super moms" and that it devalues the most important work, raising the next generation. Quiverfull families put their children at the center, no matter what, and reject society's views.

Ben chooses to work 6:30 - 3:30 everyday so that he is home by 4 and can spend a good part of the afternoon and evening with the children before they go to bed. This time also allows me to get things done around the house that I can't do during the day, when they need me. I choose not to work (except for teaching a couple of private music lessons, in the evenings when Ben is with the kids) so that I am here with them all the time. I believe they need ME, not just a care taker. We spend our weekends together, working to help the children and take care of the home. We accept the knowledge that we may have to make sacrifices that others won't understand (lifestyle, financial, etc.) to raise our kids well.

However, we find this lifestyle incredibly satisfying. Being able to give oneself over completely to other people, to serve others, to take frustrations in stride, really helps to make us happy and bring us in line with God's plan for us. We really believe this is what we're meant to do, because everything we need to make it happen (easy pregnancies and births, healthy children, flexible work schedules, etc.) has fallen in line so easily for us. God wouldn't make it so easy if it wasn't meant to be.

If you are interested in learning more, please look at this website: http://www.quiverfull.com/. Or, post your questions below! We'll keep you informed as our quiver grows. :)