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Sexual purity is a really difficult topic in today's world. A lot of people believe that sex before marriage is not wrong. Some even believe that you SHOULD have sex before marriage to see if you are "compatible!" Unfortunately, loose morals (i.e. sleeping with everyone who makes it to the "third date," one-night stands, etc.) have led to rampant STDs, out-of-wedlock pregnancies, and other negative consequences. Clearly, what the world considers 'right' is not necessarily good. There are also significant emotional consequences to premarital sex, which no one is discussing at all.
First, we'll turn to the Bible for what it says about sex before marriage.
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins people commit are outside their bodies, but those who sin sexually sin against their own bodies. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. (TNIV, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20)
It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; (TNIV, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5)
Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (NIV, 1 Corinthians 7:8-9)It is pretty clear, especially from the last quote, that God intended sex only for married people. Paul, in writing to the Corinthians, recommends that if they are consumed by desire for sex, they should get married rather than sin by having sex outside marriage.
This is not an impossible standard to reach. However, the boundaries must be absolutely clear. There is no waffling around, no "what-if" situations. People (including pastors) are afraid to say, "Sex is for married people. Not for engaged people. Not for people who are in love. Not for anyone who uses a condom. But only for married people." This is not 'to each his own.' This is, the Bible and God clearly state, "No sex before marriage."
It's not easy, of course. And it's not supposed to be. In a culture that wants instant gratification, it seems impossible to be truly in love with someone and have a strong desire for sex, and yet NOT do it. However, it is the right thing to do. It also better, truly, because when you get married and give yourselves to each other for the first time, it is an amazing experience. It's also true that plenty of people have slept with people they loved and "hoped" to marry, but ultimately didn't marry. It is easy to get hurt in a situation like this because sex is something that is not only physical, but extremely emotional. When married people have sex, they have already made a true physical, mental, and emotional commitment to one another and there is the trust required to have a sexual relationship. But when people are not married and not committed to each other, having a sexual relationship can make things weird. The absolute love, trust, and COMMITMENT are necessary to a sexual relationship.
All of this is why we will be teaching our children about purity. We will not be telling them "We hope you don't have sex before marriage, but if you do, at least get some birth control." This is wrong, and it also sends a very mixed message. Instead, we'll be very open with them about sexuality and God's plan for it. We'll let them know from a young age that God gave sex as a gift to married people, and that is is an extremely emotional and spiritual act, a special way for married people to connect. We'll also let them know that it's where babies come from (although opinions on this vary, I will have no problem telling Bekah if she asks next time I'm pregnant, despite that she is only 2. I don't believe you need long explanations but I don't believe you should hide it, either). We will be willing to discuss any of our children's concerns with them about being in relationships, being in love, how hard it is to wait, why we believe in waiting, and what the sexual relationship should be like within marriage.
It's hard to teach kids about purity when a lot of their friends are telling them something different, and certainly all of the media is telling them that sex is okay, great, and that they're missing out. It's important to discuss sex with your children and set the bar high. I'm not going to go into great detail about this issue, however, because I don't have kids old enough to have reached this point in their lives, so I'm not entirely sure how we will handle it. I know what we will discuss and teach, but I can't say specifically how they'll respond. I'd love parents who have had teenagers and chose to teach them about purity to weigh in on this.
It is truly worth it to wait. There are many good resources about sexuality for Christians, which I'll mention at the end.
What about once you are married? Then where does sex fit in?
As I stated above, God gave sex as a gift to married people. It is for procreation, obviously, but it is not ONLY for procreation. It is a special way for married people to connect and love one another. God WANTS married people to have sex!
Let's see what the Bible says about sex within marriage:
Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (English Standard Version, 1 Corinthians 7:1-5)
It is clear that, first, God again says "sex should only occur within marriage." But read the last sentence of the quote carefully: "Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time..." God wishes married people to have sex on a regular basis, to stave off temptation. It is not good for married people to abstain from sex for a long period of time, because they can drift apart from one another and find themselves tempted by extra-marital affairs. And most of us are aware that MANY affairs begin when a married couple are too busy with children, work, or other outside interests to connect emotionally and sexually, so one or both partners look outside the relationship for gratification.
Since one of the purposes of getting married is to have sex (and children), then people should have sex when they are married, unless there is a temporary reason why they cannot. They should not refuse each other so that both feel satisfied. It is a pleasure and a gift for married people.
Within marriage, infidelity is never okay. Continued marital relations should help to avoid infidelity. Frequent sexual fantasies are considered infidelity too (about someone other than your own spouse, of course). Beyond what is forbidden in and outside of marriage, and that husbands and wives should enjoy regular sex, there is not much more that the Bible specifically says about sex. To that end, people should enjoy sex with their husband or wife and remain in constant communication about what they need and want.
Check out some of the resources I've listed below if you are wanting to learn more about this issue (what the Bible says about sex). Kay Arthur is a good resource.
How do you feel about sexual purity? What will you teach your children?
Bible Verses on Premarital Sex
What Does the Bible Say about Sex by Kay Arthur
Sex According to God: How to Walk with Purity in a World of Temptation by Kay Arthur
The Truth About Sex: What the World Won't Tell You and God Wants you to Know by Kay Arthur
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I think it is nice that you think purity is the answer for your children. Did you always feel this way? Did both you and Ben remain pure before your marriage?
ReplyDeleteI absolutely do not agree with this. "For the wife does not have authority over her own body, the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, the wife does." NO! "They should not refuse each other"? How is that healthy? That's like ASKING to be taken advantage of. Sex should be consensual, and just because one spouse wants it and the Bible says the other spouse can't deny it does NOT make it consensual. I don't think there is anything wrong with abstaining before marriage, and I think it is good that you will be open with your children. However, I think some of these other messages are unhealthy and promote viewing people as objects. Also, this seems like a great way to rush into marriages without really knowing the person. I think it's horrible to marry someone just because you can't stand not having sex any longer.
ReplyDeleteKaitlyn,
ReplyDeleteI figured this would be a contentious topic. As for the Bible verses, we believe as Christians that we take the Bible as a whole. We do not pick and choose the parts we like. Also, that translation wasn't really the best to explain that passage. Another translation (NIV) says, "The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife." So -- in this case, it says the body belongs to BOTH people, not just to the other person.
Also, this passage must be viewed in the way it was intended. A husband is commanded to love his wife, and a wife to respect her husband. So, for example, if the wife is sick or unhappy, her husband should know this and should not ask her, because he loves her and does not need to have sex then. Or if a wife knows her husband does not want to, she should not ask out of respect for him. Then, when they DO ask, they have no reason to deny each other. To say simply "They should not deny each other" takes it out of context (but we'll get to the rest of that in the next two weeks, actually).
People should not rush into marriage just because they want to have sex. We are not advocating that. We are advocating self-control, delayed gratification, prayerful consideration.
Read the rest of the series, sexuality does not stand alone, it is a part of God's view for marriage. And if it is taken along with all of the other parts of marriage, it works well. It does not, in any way, promote "treating people like objects," because the Lord wouldn't do that.
Anonymous,
We were pure before our marriage, and we did always feel this way. We know how hard it is (and our parents were constantly talking to us about it while we were dating!), which is why I hope our children will listen when it comes time.
A great series that is TRUTHFUL and TASTEFUL for children is "God's Design for Sex" each book is age appropriate but goes along with biblical truth. Brenna and Stan Jones are the authors of them and Carolyn Nystrom wrote the 2nd book in the series. ~Des
ReplyDeleteDoes being a "secondary virgin" count as being pure?
ReplyDeleteAnonymous,
ReplyDeleteI believe it can. God doesn't condemn us for mistakes that we make, if we turn to Him and repent. So, for example, if someone has sex before they believe (or even as a believer, in a moment of weakness) and then chooses to change their ways and asks for forgiveness, then I believe that person is then pure. But it must be a true attempt at change. Having sex over and over and repenting every time, but making no attempt to change, is not purity. But people DO make mistakes and God does not condemn us for them, if we are honest.
I agree with Kaitlyn that the quote about bodies not belonging to ourselves is disturbing. And quite honestly, this quote ONLY applies to the wife in a marriage. Without getting graphic here, a man physically CAN'T have traditional sex with a woman unless the man is "ready" to have sex. So my problem with the "not your body" philosphy of your post is that, like most aspects of the Bible, women are viewed as chattel.
ReplyDeleteAs far as waiting until marriage to have sex goes, there has always been pre-marital sex. It's not something new that your generation or your parent's generation or even your grandparent's gneration started. There may have been less pre-marital sex in your grandparents generation because people married so young. During your parents' generation (60's and 70's I'm assuming), pre-marital sex was accepted and prolific. If we are going to base whether or not pre-marital sex is acceptable on the Bible, take a closer look at the passages you quoted. ALL of them say it is best to not have sex ("flee from sexual immorality," "avoid sexual immorality," "if they cannot control themselves, they should marry."). Sex within marriage is said to be a way "that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." So even sex within marriage is seen as something only those who lack self-control can use to stave off Satan. Is that truly how you see sex- something you do to keep Satan at bay because you would otherwise lack self-contol? Do you really think that your marriage would be prone to infidelity if you didn't have sex every time your husband wants it? That, in my opinion, is sad and certainly not reflective of a truly committed relationship.
I think it is great if you decided to wait until you were married to have sex. I think it's fine if you didn't as long as you were in an ADULT, committed relationship. Since you were so, so young when you married, you really didn't have time to have an adult relationship before your marriage. Therefore, having one relationship, if that's all you have had, worked for you. However, the average age for marriage in the U.S. for women is almost 26 years old and for men is approaching 28 years old, which is plenty of time to have an adult, committed relationship at least as long as your marriage.
I also think Kaityln is right that marrying so you can have sex is a potential problem. Thus, the increase is "starter" marriages amongst those who marry young. I don't see getting married to have sex and then divorcing because you married the wrong person as any more correct than having pre-marital sex.
I don't agree with your opinion on "secondary virgin" status. God may forgive you for having sex if you ask for forgivness, but once you have sex you are no longer a virgin. Here's an analogy - God may forgive a murderer that truly repents, but the victim is still dead. Is there any mention of being a "secondary virgin" in the Bible?
My final point is that I have taught, and will continue to teach, my children(who are teenagers and older) that sex is for adults (at least over 18 and over 21 is better) because it is deeply emotional, especially for women. Whether they choose to have adult sex in a committed, unmarried relationship or a committed, married relationship will be their business since they will be ADULTS. They won't need to justify their actions to me or to you. It will be between them and God as all adult decisions are.
Sarah,
ReplyDeleteNo. I don't see sex as something I have to do because my husband says so. I'm very clear on that in the original post, actually. Sex is to be celebrated when it is between a husband and a wife. I think that husbands and wives who ROUTINELY refuse one another are at risk for infidelity, but obviously if that is the case, there are usually other issues going on too. I also addressed the quotes in my response to Kaitlyn.
As far as secondary virginity, I believe that God forgives sins we repent for and that is all that matters in this case. Unlike murder, no one is dead. Life can be different. The Bible doesn't mention "secondary virginity" or many other concepts we've extrapolated from it, but forgiveness is absolutely key.
I think that no sex until marriage is something that everyone should strive for -- even though, of course, no one is perfect and God is forgiving.
Kate-
ReplyDeleteJust like the victim of a murder, virginity is dead after sex. Life can be different for the murderer too.
The Bible doesn't mention secondary virginity exists, yet you've "extrapolated" that it can be. Either you take the Bible as it is, or you choose to extrapolate to suit your own choices. If you are choosing to "interpret" the Bible, can't others interpret it differently than you and still be right?
I really can't see how "sex is to be celebrated when it is between a husband and a wife" from the passages you provided. Perhaps you feel this way because of other passages or is it your "interpretation" of these passages? The passages you provided only mention sex as either immoral or a way to keep Satan at bay. Niether of those reasons is a celebration.
Actually, you were quite clear about always saying yes to your husband in your original post - you made it clear that your interpretation is that refusing sex for any reason is wrong. You quoted a Bible passage saying not to refuse unless through a mutual decision AND stated your opinion that not refusing sex should help to prevent infidelity. Both statements made it pretty clear to me that you think sex is obligatory and the magic bullet for preventing most infidelity. I find both statements offensive. Sex, even between a husband and wife, should always be consensual. Additionaly, even if a partner refuses sex, infidelity is still wrong and dishonors the committment to stay together through good times and bad. Sex shouldn't be used as a source of power (not being able to say no or using sexual power to prevent infidelity) either inside or outside of marriage.
Sex is a way to create children and beyond that it is ONLY a pleasure. Sex is not necessary to sustain life or a relationship. Building it up to be some holy experience only serves to cheapen truly holy experiences.
I'm wondering why you chose to name your blog "Modern Alternative Momma" when you are neither modern in your thoughts nor do you provide alternatives to living beyond the typical "go green" movement.
If you don't pick and choose from the Bible, how do you justify "extrapolating" from it?
ReplyDeleteSarah,
ReplyDeleteThe Bible clearly says that when we accept Jesus, we are born again and made clean. We may be considered "pure" of any previous sins at that point. So a person may not actually be a virgin again, but is pure in the eyes of the Lord. So I have been told.
Other links I included in the post explain this better than I do. And they are written by pastors and Bible scholars who understand the issue far better. That is where I get "sex should be celebrated." I suggest you read those; I included them for a reason.
I've never suggested that sex should be used as power. No way! If you read one of my responses above, you'll see that the Bible commands a husband to love his wife, and a wife to love her husband. Therefore the rest of their relationship should be blossoming so that their desires and preferences in the bedroom (namely, when they do or don't want to have sex, in this case) should be respected. If a husband or wife is using sex as a weapon, then something is very wrong with that marriage! You are taking my comments about sex out of context, because this only works within a loving, Godly marriage. Please read the rest of the series and you will see. I hope.
I named my blog "Modern Alternative Mama" because I am living in modern times, and I am living a very alternative lifestyle. Few people have home births, do not vaccinate, breastfeed beyond a year, strongly follow Christianity, etc. So our entire lifestyle is "alternative" compared to what is considered "normal" now. People who are interested in our lifestyle are welcome to read, whether out of curiosity or interest.
Cornetta,
ReplyDeletePerhaps "extrapolating" was the wrong choice of words. But the Bible requires interpreting. That is, one must understand the historical situation and other issues surrounding the passages so that they make sense. We need to know the cultural significance of certain comments. For example, and this is not an exact quote, "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven." That sounds crazy. But they are not referring to a LITERAL "eye of a needle." Back in Biblical times, when cities were surrounded by high walls, they had a large main gate, which was closed at night, and a small, one-person sized door that could be opened at night if someone needed to come in. This door was referred to as the "eye of the needle," and camels had to get on their knees and were very difficult to get through. But it was possible. Without that bit of cultural information, that passage doesn't make any sense. So that is what I mean here. Check the other links I posted with the article; that is where I got a lot of the information and interpretations.
Kate-
ReplyDeleteI read you links - you know, the links you put in for a reason - and found that three of them were links to Amazon for books I could buy. The others were a bit more useful in that they actually provided some commentary on the passages you cited. Based purely on "the worde" and not the "interpretations" given, I learned was that sexual immorality is a sin. (Actually, I already knew this.) Jesus made a CONCESSION - not a commandment- that we could have sex within marriage, but really felt that having NO sex was the best way to live (like he did). Thanks for suggesting the further reading; it definitely verified for me that my comments to you were absolutely correct.
By the way, your strong defense of the "secondary virgin" staus makes it seem like you may have considered yourself one before your marriage. "Thou doth protest too much"!
Sarah,
ReplyDeleteIt was Paul who wrote and made the concession; not Jesus. I'm not sure what, if anything, Jesus himself specifically said about sex. Paul was unmarried and clearly felt that was the better path. But, again, they were his words, not Jesus's.
I was a child that grew up in a church that was VERY adamant about preaching that everything "worldy" was wrong. Pre-marital sex was the #1 sin. We were indoctrinated with this 24/7, whether it be from parents or church leaders, and we were constantly "reminded" that pre-marital sex was wrong and was the main topic of Youth Group meetings.
ReplyDeleteNow what do you think happened to me and my peers? We challenged EVERYTHING as soon as we had a chance. Whether is be "worldy" things or pre-marital sex.
From this experience, most of us have changed our views on how we live or want our relationships(married or not)to work and how we raise our children.
That being said, my parents did not get married until 3 days before I was born. However, unlike my grandparents generation, my parents were always open about everything and answered any questions we ever asked. They were determined to make sure that we got through our teen years and didn't make the same mistakes they did. After we turn 18 and moved away, they washed their hands of us and it was our responsibility, as adults, to make our own choices and deal with the consequences.
Looking back over my "crazy" years, I can say that I learned valuable lessons throughout my teens and 20's. Sometimes I do think back and say, "Wow, that was really stupid!" or "What was I thinking?" Those "worldly" experiences, have made me into the person and mother, that I am today and I wouldn't change anything that has happened.
I have come to conclusion, in my new decade of life, that as parents, we are charged with raising our children to the best of our abilities. It is up to them, as adults, what they choose to carry on. Whether it be our beliefs and traditions, or their own.
Keep up the good work on the blog, Kate! I love reading other opinions and views on life.
This is exactly why basing murky life decisions on what is written in the Bible is so difficult. Who actually spoke the words? Did they receive the information from God or Jesus, or did they simply express their own opinions and feelings as Paul did here according to you? If Jesus never said anything about sex, why do we "interpret" the words in the Bible about sex to be his commands?
ReplyDeleteSarah - I'm not Kate, but I did want to address what you wrote about and what others talked about with "secondary virginity." John 8:1-11 discusses it through Jesus' actions. This is the story of the adulterous woman who was about to be stoned to death and Jesus steps in and says to those accusing her "He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." After He makes that statement, His words to the woman make His position fairly clear: "I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin no more."
ReplyDeleteThe point is that this woman was caught in the very act of adultery and Jesus forgave her sins and commanded her to "sin no more." What is sinning no more? Having extramarital sex in this case.
So if you have had sex at some point before marriage but you confess it to God (as He knows what you've done - you've been 'caught' by him if by no one else), He forgives you that sin and commands you to do it no more. He doesn't say that she (or you) are still a dirty person, that you are no good anymore, He forgives you, saves you from your sin, and helps you move on with you life.
Sarah - you asked why we "interpret" words in the Bible about sex to be Jesus' commands. The Old Testament is pretty clear about not having sex before you were married. The Old Testament commands on this are records of God's law for the Israelites. The New Testament stuff can be a bit trickier. However, if you accept that the Bible is the word of God, everything in it is God's word, but He used different people to write it. 2 Timothy 3:16 says that "All Scripture is inspired by God (God-breathed in some translations) and useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness." So by the words in that verse, all scripture, regardless of who the human that wrote it was, is written by God.
One other thing - for further reading on the "your body is not your own" issue, I'd recommend checking out the book "Sheet Music." The book is intended to be for newlyweds who have never had sex before - a combination of a "how to" manual and a discussion on the issues that you face in that situation. His discussion on how a loving marriage should operate, especially with regards to the "your body is not your own" topic is extremely helpful.
Emma-
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure why "secondary virginity" is such an issue with both you and Kate. I never said you couldn't be forgiven for the "sin" of pre-marital sex if you sought God's forgiveness. I only said you can't be a virgin again. I find the term to be euphimistic - similar to saying you are "pro-choice" when that really means you find abortion to be acceptable or calling adultery an "affair." Dressing situations up with pretty words doesn't change the situation. When virginity is gone, it's gone. God's forgiveness and lack of condemnation doesn't re-establish virginity.
I have no problem accepting the New Testament as the Word of God; Kate, not I, pointed out that the passage she cited was Paul's words and, therefore, not to be attributed to Jesus. Hopefully you have cleared this up for Kate.
Regardless of what the Bible or Sheet Music says, my body, even though I am married, is and always will be my own and my husband's is his. As I said before, the cited passage really only applies to women since men CAN'T have traditional sex with women unless they want to. I'm all for having a loving marriage, but equality in the terms and conditions of that marriage needs to apply to both the woman and the man. Honestly, I can't imagine that God would want it any other way as we are all equal in his eyes.
Okay, I've written way too much of this when I was sleep deprived...so let me try to sum it up now that I've thought more about it (though I'm still sleep deprived, so I hope this makes sense).
ReplyDeleteYes, it was Paul's writings. The Bible is entirely written by men, but they were acting as steward's of God's word. We actually discussed that in church today. It was rather stupid to say "but they weren't Jesus's words" even though that's technically true. Again, it was late and I wasn't thinking straight.
I really take that passage to mean that husbands and wives are joined together body, mind, and soul, and that they therefore "belong to each other." So, in this case, if one person wants to have sex, and asks the other, maybe the other person decides to go along with it even if they're not truly "in the mood" in order to make their partner happy. Haven't we all been there before? I feel like this is saying, "don't deny each other on a regular basis." Allow yourselves to desire one another and remain connected and stray from temptation. And no, being tempted doesn't excuse adultery. But the Bible's pretty clear on that one too -- NO adultery, regardless of reason or excuse.
I really didn't explain any of this very well.... Shouldn't have written this post in a fog. I hope the rest of the series is better, and that you'll all read it.
I'm amazed at the amount of people who find cheating to be "perfectly normal." Several people I know think it is okay if alcohol was involved, or if the other member of the couple was out of town. Even for unmarried couples, I think adultery is the ultimate form of betrayal.
ReplyDeleteSarah - the reason that I am trying to explain "secondary virginity" to you is that I think we're talking about two different things. I agree with you, that your body won't spontaneously regrow a hymen because you decide to stop having sex.. Your birth canal can re-tighten itself given enough time between sexual encounters, but not to the point that it is the exact same as if you hadn't had sex. One important thing to note, however, is that the hymen naturally can break down for a variety of other reasons. Tampon usage, high activity levels (sports), horseback riding, etc. can all break the hymen to the point that it is the same as if someone had sex previously.
ReplyDeleteSecondary virginity doesn't refer to the body resetting itself to being physically a virgin, but to the person's commitment to stop sinning.
Emma-
ReplyDeleteThen why give it a euphimistic name? Why not just call it what it is?
Honestly, I really don't care too much about this. I don't see sex in a committed ADULT relationship as sinning, so secondary virginity is really just silly to me.
I guess if your point-of-view is different and you do see committed adult sex without marriage as a sin, you would search for a way to make yourself feel better about your earlier choice(s). However, I do think that applying euphimistic terms to pretty much anything is a form of lying to yourself. It may make you feel better, but it is dishonest.
Here you say you were pure before marriage, but before you stated that you took things too far, and you would explain that later. You never explained that, and now you say you stayed pure. I am confused. Can you explain this please?
ReplyDeleteJennifer,
ReplyDeleteI'm not going to go into much detail because that is a private part of our lives, but we did not have sex before marriage. There are many other ways to be intimate without sex though, so I was referring to some of those before.
If you "explore" those other ways, are you still pure? Isn't purity more about intent than action? It's kind of like finding a way to cheat on a test.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous,
ReplyDeleteWays to get close include cuddling, kissing, holding hands, talking at length, etc. Really all of these are forbidden according to "traditional" courtship, but I would not consider any of them to affect one's purity. Some people might disagree. But everyone's "line" is different.
I will not answer anymore personal questions. I feel like this is turning into an attack on my character and judgment of my life. This information is presented for everyone to think about, and to accept or reject as they please. What any individual chose, or any mistakes an individual has made or not are not the point. Do not pass judgment on anyone else. This conversation is becoming only people asking more and more questions about my personal life and attempting to judge and condemn me. That is not Christ-like and I will not entertain it any longer. Take the information as you will, discuss the topic at hand, but please, this part of my life is private and I have no obligation to share it.
I really feel badly that people are so eager and willing to judge and be harsh. What I've presented here represents the IDEAL, and what we will teach our children, but many people (including many of you, I'm sure) don't quite live up. But we can NEVER live up to Jesus in any way, no matter how hard we try, hence why He died to save us.
Further comments that are personal in nature won't be posted. Comments discussing the subject matter (agreeing or disagreeing) will.
I think you are taking the comments personally when they are not intended to be. I haven't seen any comments "judging" you or anyone else for that matter. I think that the subject (is pre-marital sex a sin?)lends itself to many opinions, and people are simply expressing them.
ReplyDeleteThere have been may comments about "secondary virginity," but, since you have never indicated whether or not you "considered" yourself one, how could those comments be of a personal nature?
I'm not sure why this is such a touchy subject for you, but you are lashing out at others presuming ill-intent. You comment "many people (including many of you, I'm sure) don't quite live up" was really mean-spirited - definitely more mean-spirited than any of the comments from your readers that I have seen. Who's judging whom?
Sarah.
ReplyDeleteSeriously. I've been asked by many people, a lot which haven't been posted, exactly what I've done and with whom and under what circumstances. Clearly personal. I've had people send me comments that are absolutely vulgar. That is why it is hard for me to respond sometimes. That is why it makes me sad. It's possible that the people whose comments got posted were truly innocent, but a lot sure weren't.
As for "many people don't quite live up," that means that we are ALL sinners in some way! And we are! I am! I'm not denying that. And it's OKAY, that's why we have Jesus' forgiveness. I'm not intending it to be mean AT ALL, just say that we all need to keep in mind that no one's perfect and it's OKAY not to live up to the standard of perfection. That's all. I'm NOT trying to insult anyone or be mean.
I really, really hope that we're done with this...I'm honestly really sad, I've been beaten down with comments today more than you know. And I hope that we ALL prayerfully consider one another's words and respond gently when we comment, and take other peoples' words with the best possible intentions.
No one has the right to ask you what you've done and with whom. I guess discussing personal issues, like sex, makes prople feel a bit too comfortable about asking you questions they shouldn't ask.
ReplyDeleteI was not asking to know what you have done, but to see where you draw the line on "purity" since everyone has a different opnion on the topic. Some people draw the line on purity only when it reaches sexual intercourse, and they are fine with doing everything leading up to it, and some people wont do anything at all untill married.
ReplyDeleteJennifer,
ReplyDeleteI think that most people define it as no intercourse, or possibly no other types of sex (i.e. no oral sex). Others are so strict that they define it as no physical contact whatsoever. I would say we fall somewhere in the middle of that, although Ben said at one point that he kinds of wishes we hadn't kissed before marriage. I think each couple needs to pray about where they feel the line is, as we did several times before we were married.
Good article!
ReplyDeleteI would like to note, though, that the Bible has plenty to say about sex, in addition to what you listed, in the Old Testament. For example, you're not supposed to do it while the woman is menstruating, and she is supposed to get a break from it while recovering from childbirth. It also lists out temporal penalties for those who commit sexual indiscretions and discourages male masturbation.