Baby Steps Series

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**This post has been entered in Works for Me Wednesdays at We are THAT Family and Things I Love Thursdays at Diaper Diaries!!**

Since some people have expressed interest in making changes to their lifestyles, but they don't seem to know where to start (it is overwhelming!), I'm starting this "baby steps" series. Each Saturday I will discuss some baby steps you can do in different areas of life if you are ready to make changes. I hope some of you will take the challenges along with me!

In each post, I'll give you three baby steps you can try that will make a big difference in your lifestyle. Since I've been doing this stuff for three years (or so), I know that it can take a long time to really make these changes! It's so hard to know where to start. But three small things is not too much to try. Some of the baby steps you may choose to do out of order, and of course it will depend on how important something is to you. For example, I never really wore make up, so stopping entirely to improve my personal care routine and reduce my exposure to chemicals was no big deal to me. But some women feel really naked without their make up and that would be a really HUGE deal! (I'm trying to keep things like this in mind, as well as other potential limitations when I create the baby steps.) I'll also link to other bloggers' sets of baby steps sometimes so that you can get another perspective.

Get ready to change your life! You'll see the following themes (approximately once per month each, except for some special posts):

Baby Steps in the Kitchen
Baby Steps in the Medicine Cabinet
Baby Steps Around the House
Baby Steps in Personal Care

Next Saturday's post is "In the Kitchen." If there are any questions about the baby steps, please feel free to send them in or post them!

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Sexual Purity

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Sexual purity is a really difficult topic in today's world. A lot of people believe that sex before marriage is not wrong. Some even believe that you SHOULD have sex before marriage to see if you are "compatible!" Unfortunately, loose morals (i.e. sleeping with everyone who makes it to the "third date," one-night stands, etc.) have led to rampant STDs, out-of-wedlock pregnancies, and other negative consequences. Clearly, what the world considers 'right' is not necessarily good. There are also significant emotional consequences to premarital sex, which no one is discussing at all.

First, we'll turn to the Bible for what it says about sex before marriage.

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins people commit are outside their bodies, but those who sin sexually sin against their own bodies. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. (TNIV, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20)

It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; (TNIV, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5)

Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (NIV, 1 Corinthians 7:8-9)

It is pretty clear, especially from the last quote, that God intended sex only for married people. Paul, in writing to the Corinthians, recommends that if they are consumed by desire for sex, they should get married rather than sin by having sex outside marriage.

This is not an impossible standard to reach. However, the boundaries must be absolutely clear. There is no waffling around, no "what-if" situations. People (including pastors) are afraid to say, "Sex is for married people. Not for engaged people. Not for people who are in love. Not for anyone who uses a condom. But only for married people." This is not 'to each his own.' This is, the Bible and God clearly state, "No sex before marriage."

It's not easy, of course. And it's not supposed to be. In a culture that wants instant gratification, it seems impossible to be truly in love with someone and have a strong desire for sex, and yet NOT do it. However, it is the right thing to do. It also better, truly, because when you get married and give yourselves to each other for the first time, it is an amazing experience. It's also true that plenty of people have slept with people they loved and "hoped" to marry, but ultimately didn't marry. It is easy to get hurt in a situation like this because sex is something that is not only physical, but extremely emotional. When married people have sex, they have already made a true physical, mental, and emotional commitment to one another and there is the trust required to have a sexual relationship. But when people are not married and not committed to each other, having a sexual relationship can make things weird. The absolute love, trust, and COMMITMENT are necessary to a sexual relationship.

All of this is why we will be teaching our children about purity. We will not be telling them "We hope you don't have sex before marriage, but if you do, at least get some birth control." This is wrong, and it also sends a very mixed message. Instead, we'll be very open with them about sexuality and God's plan for it. We'll let them know from a young age that God gave sex as a gift to married people, and that is is an extremely emotional and spiritual act, a special way for married people to connect. We'll also let them know that it's where babies come from (although opinions on this vary, I will have no problem telling Bekah if she asks next time I'm pregnant, despite that she is only 2. I don't believe you need long explanations but I don't believe you should hide it, either). We will be willing to discuss any of our children's concerns with them about being in relationships, being in love, how hard it is to wait, why we believe in waiting, and what the sexual relationship should be like within marriage.

It's hard to teach kids about purity when a lot of their friends are telling them something different, and certainly all of the media is telling them that sex is okay, great, and that they're missing out. It's important to discuss sex with your children and set the bar high. I'm not going to go into great detail about this issue, however, because I don't have kids old enough to have reached this point in their lives, so I'm not entirely sure how we will handle it. I know what we will discuss and teach, but I can't say specifically how they'll respond. I'd love parents who have had teenagers and chose to teach them about purity to weigh in on this.

It is truly worth it to wait. There are many good resources about sexuality for Christians, which I'll mention at the end.

What about once you are married? Then where does sex fit in?

As I stated above, God gave sex as a gift to married people. It is for procreation, obviously, but it is not ONLY for procreation. It is a special way for married people to connect and love one another. God WANTS married people to have sex!

Let's see what the Bible says about sex within marriage:

Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (English Standard Version, 1 Corinthians 7:1-5)

It is clear that, first, God again says "sex should only occur within marriage." But read the last sentence of the quote carefully: "Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time..." God wishes married people to have sex on a regular basis, to stave off temptation. It is not good for married people to abstain from sex for a long period of time, because they can drift apart from one another and find themselves tempted by extra-marital affairs. And most of us are aware that MANY affairs begin when a married couple are too busy with children, work, or other outside interests to connect emotionally and sexually, so one or both partners look outside the relationship for gratification.

Since one of the purposes of getting married is to have sex (and children), then people should have sex when they are married, unless there is a temporary reason why they cannot. They should not refuse each other so that both feel satisfied. It is a pleasure and a gift for married people.

Within marriage, infidelity is never okay. Continued marital relations should help to avoid infidelity. Frequent sexual fantasies are considered infidelity too (about someone other than your own spouse, of course). Beyond what is forbidden in and outside of marriage, and that husbands and wives should enjoy regular sex, there is not much more that the Bible specifically says about sex. To that end, people should enjoy sex with their husband or wife and remain in constant communication about what they need and want.

Check out some of the resources I've listed below if you are wanting to learn more about this issue (what the Bible says about sex). Kay Arthur is a good resource.

How do you feel about sexual purity? What will you teach your children?

Resources:

Bible Verses on Premarital Sex

Bible Study on Sex

What Does the Bible Say about Sex by Kay Arthur

Sex According to God: How to Walk with Purity in a World of Temptation by Kay Arthur

The Truth About Sex: What the World Won't Tell You and God Wants you to Know by Kay Arthur

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Granola Bars

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**This post has been entered in Pennywise Platter Thursday at Nourishing Gourmet and Frugal Fridays at Life As Mom!**

I found the original version of this recipe at Kitchen Stewardship's website, but have modified it to suit my family's tastes. So, here is our favorite version of granola bars!

Ingredients:
1 cup coconut oil
1/2 cup raw honey
1/2 tsp. sea salt
1 tsp. vanilla
1/2 cup gluten-free all purpose flour
1/2 cup brown rice flour
4 cups gluten-free oats

Directions:
Mix together coconut oil and honey. Add salt, vanilla, and flours and stir. Add oats 1 cup at a time, stir until completely mixed. Add any extras, like chocolate chips, seeds, nuts, etc. (I add about 1/2 cup chocolate chips.) Bake at 350 for about 25 min.

Pacifier Use

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I know using pacifiers has been hotly debated. I've debated plenty with myself. But, with the recent experience we had, I felt I should weigh in.

On another blog I recently read, someone said "If you have only one kid and that kid slept well since birth, I don't want your advice [on how to get kids to sleep]." Well, I sure don't fall into that category, since I have two kids -- one who started (usually) sleeping through the night at 22 months and one who, at 5.5 months, still wakes up 6 - 8 times per night! Which, I recently realized, I actually trained him to do....

Enter the pacifier debate.

My first took a pacifier for only about 2 months. She took it while I was pumping and bottle feeding the first 6 weeks, but once I got her directly on the breast, she really didn't want much to do with it, so we just kind of took it away. This didn't stop her from having "trouble" sleeping (though what was 'trouble' to me then, how I'd wish for it now!! She woke usually once per night until 8 months, when allergies started to become an issue -- another story for another time -- but I was under the impression then that babies over 2 months old slept 8 straight hours...hahahahaha).

Now, Daniel...I didn't want to give him a pacifier. Really. But when he was only a couple days old, Ben got up and took him after his last "night" feed (7 am or so) and then let me sleep in and recover. When Daniel woke up and cried, Ben gave him a pacifier instead of bringing him to me to feed. This never caused nipple confusion or anything like that, so I let it go on. Then it became...we used the pacifier to help him fall asleep at night (because, after all, once he was *mostly* asleep he'd spit it out and sleep the rest of the night fine without it). Then we used it to keep him quiet for just a minute while Bekah was whining, dinner was burning, and I was trying to fold laundry all at once. Then in the car when we couldn't get to him right away. Then any time we wanted him to go to sleep or be quiet, assuming he was fed, changed, etc. It wasn't -- usually -- my automatic reaction to just stick a pacifier in his mouth, unless I was only a minute from finishing up a chore and he was ready to eat too soon.

But, despite my desire not to use a pacifier, we started to use it too much. And then, worse, we started to actually train him to wake up and require a pacifier to get back to sleep. I didn't realize this until today, exactly how it had happened, but now I see it. (We've already taken the pacifier away, the morning of Dec. 29.) I'm going to explain it so you understand my position on pacifier use.

At 3.5 months, Daniel started a huge growth spurt. He was fussy, and he woke every 1.5 - 2 hours wanting to eat. It was a rough week, but I got him and fed him every time. Once he settled -- precariously -- into a new nightly schedule (eating at 11, 2, 5, and sleeping with me starting at 6 until we got up), I occasionally gave him a pacifier to help him settle after eating if he was acting fussy. This continued for weeks. Months, now. Then, by 5 months, I was starting to get VERY impatient with the waking-every-hour act, so I started giving him his pacifier if it hadn't been at least 2 hours, sometimes 3, since his last feeding. I was also giving him a pacifier during the day if it hadn't been at least 2 hours since his last feeding (I never let him go more than 2 hours if he was fussy). Most of the time, this bought me an extra 30 - 40 minutes before he'd need to eat. This seemed like a good deal -- for awhile.

Then, in the last week (of December), Daniel has woken every 30 - 40 minutes almost all night. He always wants the pacifier and has an impossible time settling back to sleep without it. Sometimes I even try to feed him and he gets mad...because he isn't hungry, he only wants the pacifier. By giving it to him when he was hungry before, it taught him he could -- and should -- suck to fall asleep, and that he needed his pacifier. So every time his sleep lightened, or he was uncomfortable, he'd want his pacifier back. This meant sometimes I was looking at the clock at 12, 1, 2, 3...and wondering if I'd actually gotten any sleep or if I'd just imagined it. We even tried putting him in his own room, hoping that without our sleep noises, he'd sleep better. Nope -- same schedule. Each night he was back in my room, either in his bassinet or my bed by 2 or 3 am, when I got tired of running up and down the hall (average: 5 trips to his room before I brought him into mine).

It had to stop. I got so sleep deprived, it was ridiculous. But I realized I really did teach him to
wake at night. I used the pacifier as a soother, to make him sleep longer, so he began to associate it with falling asleep. I had used it during the day or night during growth spurts, when he really did need a little snack or "top off" just 30 minutes after his last meal. So, he wasn't getting quite enough to eat during the day sometimes (despite feeding mainly demand) and he was making up for it at night...then getting into the habit of needing the pacifier to settle back to sleep. Vicious cycle.

So we went cold turkey on the pacifier. No more. On the first day, we put him down for a nap with a crib toy he can turn on and off himself (i.e. he doesn't require my help at night to soothe) and he fell asleep! No fussing! (We've been reading the "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley, and are using ideas from it, plus doing some things of our own.) Later that day he got so tired before his next nap that Ben gave him the pacifier to help him settle (even cuddled in my arms, at my breast, he just screamed and thrashed). Oh well. After that, he fell asleep twice in the car without a pacifier. Then, our biggest success, after he'd nursed before bedtime, he fell asleep in my arms. Typically he'd continue to root at me or fuss and squirm until he was given a pacifier. This time he looked around; at the TV, then at me; then he tried to suck his fingers and the blanket, and eventually just relaxed himself and gently drifted off. This was REALLY great.

After that, well...he did spend about half the night sleeping with me. But it was really hot in my room and once I realized how much and made him cooler he slept better on his own. The next day I fed him more often, and gently rocked him for five minutes or so before laying him down (awake) for a nap. He simply sucked on his hands or arm (gave himself a hickey, lol) and played with his crib toy before falling quietly asleep.

I have hope that we will break this sucking-to-sleep problem and that within a couple of weeks, he'll be sleeping quietly in 4-hour stretches (and later, longer, but hey, 4 straight hours would be FABULOUS right now!) in his own room and he won't need settled in between. I think he'll also be able to go down for naps quietly and easily, just the way he did today. I also feel much more in tune with him and his needs now that I don't have a pacifier to use -- even as a last resort.

Side note on sleeping: It really IS possible to re-train your baby to sleep well without ANY crying. You don't have to "Ferberize" the baby or use any form of cry-it-out, modified or otherwise. I realized that by trying to be super-responsive to Daniel's needs, I had trained him to wake too often. I also realized that I could gently undo it without leaving him to cry. I was so torn for so long because I really WANTED to respond to his every need, but I also needed more sleep! This gentle, absolutely no-cry sleep solution (you can find much more in Pantley's book) really works and works with the baby's needs, not against them for the parents' convenience.

So, my opinion on pacifiers? If you can possibly avoid it, just don't use them. There will be kids that do just fine with them and sleep through the night and don't care if they drop them. There will be kids who scream and scream unless they're given one, especially kids suffering from colic (if that's your baby...investigate food allergies as a possible cause, otherwise, I am very sorry). And I know what all the research says..."it helps prevent SIDS"..."it causes kids to need braces"...etc. I don't need to summarize that for you here.

I think that using pacifiers, no matter how well you intend to use them (as I did), it's easy to fall into "just take this for one minute while I finish this..." or "I know you're tired, just take it and go to sleep" etc. If you must use them, take them away by 3 months or your baby will get used to it. I think you will find yourself a better and more responsive parent if you don't use the pacifier and have to find alternate, more hands-on ways to soothe your baby.

This is coming from hard-earned experience and many lost nights of sleep. There is no judgment here. Just what I have learned through having two different children and two different experiences.

Do you use pacifiers? Why or why not?

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Guest Post!

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Today I have a guest post on Kitchen Stewardship's site about making over a recipe! Head over there to check it out! I'm very, very excited to be included in such a great blog!

While you're there, check out lots of the other recent posts about making over unhealthy, boxed recipes. Katie is doing that theme right now and she's already made over Hamburger Helper and Salad dressings!


Tonight's regularly scheduled post will still happen at 8!


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Health News Tuesday: Cancer's Secret Weakness, and Childrens' Declining Fitness Levels

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Abstinence-only Education Effective
New abstinence-only sex education programs are more effective than other types.

Flame Retardant Chemical Causes Infertility
Yet another reason why you should avoid any product containing these harmful chemicals.

Childrens' Fitness Levels Continue to Decline
In a study of normal-weight 10-year-olds in 2008, they were weaker and slower than a similar group of 10-year-olds from 1998. Researchers now acknowledge that weight is not the only marker of health and that children are getting less and less healthy.

You are What You Absorb
That is, nutrients from food. Many people suffer from poor digestion and therefore are nutrient-deficient even if they are consuming adequate levels.

Use Probiotics to Lose Weight and Treat Illness
Many new benefits to probiotics and how to select the one for you.

Cancer's Secret Weakness
An interview with a leading nutritionist.

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The End of an Era

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Today, the music school I've owned and run for over three years has closed its doors. It is the end of an era.

I thought I'd use this opportunity to tell you a little about what happened, and why, and where I'm planning to go from here.

I opened my music school in the fall of 2006, after Ben and I were married. I was so excited! I had said a year earlier I wanted to wait until I was in my 40s and my kids were not little before opening it, but I got too excited and started (much) sooner. I had experience working with children with autism and I also was mostly finished with my degree in music, so I decided to go ahead with it.

About April 2007, I started to get several students. Enough that when I found out I was pregnant in May, I hired another teacher to help me and to take my students when Bekah was born. I had 20 or so in January 2008. At that point I was completely into teaching -- holding recitals, special classes, summer camps, etc.

But after Bekah was born my perspective began to change. Suddenly I wanted to spend more time with her and doing other projects, and less time teaching. I did start teaching again when she was only 5 weeks old, but I was only a floor away from her (she didn't like it -- she screamed the whole time, even when Ben was holding her).

That summer I even hired a babysitter to come in and watch Bekah while I was teaching (the only time -- other than my childbirth education classes before Daniel was born, when I had one of my friends come watch her -- that I ever hired a babysitter). But I didn't like being away from her and it was increasingly becoming a struggle to keep my attention focused on the business. Despite that, we had our most successful Open House ever in August 2008.

After I found out I was pregnant with Daniel, things started to go downhill. By early 2009, I'd had some staff turn over, and there was more to come. I wasn't paying much attention to new student inquiries or following up with them as I should. Students were starting to leave but not being replaced. As Daniel's birth approached, all but one of my students quit (for varying reasons; they knew I was leaving, of course). In May 2009, I planned the spring Open House -- and NO ONE came. It was then I said, "Okay, God, you're clearly leading me in a new direction." But I held onto the business, increasingly apathetic, until recently.

At the beginning of this year, there were only about 5 students left, and only one mine. The aggravation of dealing with students and parents and staff wasn't worth it anymore. The loss of space (we have a designated music room) wasn't worth it. So we made the decision to close our doors as of February 1st. Today.

My music school is closed, but I'm ready to move on. I have so many projects happening now!

Many of you saw the breastfeeding survey a couple weeks ago (and some of you took it -- thanks!). I did that because I'm currently pursuing certification as a lactation specialist and a childbirth educator through CAPPA. These are jobs I can do from home (primarily), and around my children. Sometimes even WITH my children! I'm very excited about this. More details about the certification process and some of the life changes that are coming along with it are coming up soon.

What is going on in your life now? Have you ever had a dream that changed?

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